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ninjou.
[Tonight, Dazai is really drunk.
This is not different from most other nights in their favorite bar, save for a few things.
1. Ango isn't here.
2. Dazai is really drunk. The kind of drunk that has Odasaku concerned that he might be trying to die through liver failure. That drunk.
And so, it's with hesitation that he speaks up.]
Maybe you should stop drinking for tonight.
This is not different from most other nights in their favorite bar, save for a few things.
1. Ango isn't here.
2. Dazai is really drunk. The kind of drunk that has Odasaku concerned that he might be trying to die through liver failure. That drunk.
And so, it's with hesitation that he speaks up.]
Maybe you should stop drinking for tonight.
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One more! On the rocks!
[His head is on the bartop and his hand is waving a bit aimlessly. It almost hits his companion in the shoulder. It wasn't even a bad day, nor a particularly good one. Dazai just thought that focusing on destroying his liver might speed his whole dying young process along...]
Hey, O~da~sa~ku~
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[Dazai's name neither has enough syllables to say it singsong nor any reason why Odasaku should say it singsong. The world might end first.]
What is it?
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Maybe we can go play cards after this. I don't want to go back yet, but I don't think Mr. Bartender here is going to let me stay... And besides, Sensei ran to the corner.
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[There's no real harm in that, except possibly someone losing a lot of money. What's the worst that could happen?]
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Do you want another drink? I'll pay for it!
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There was more cuddling and more kissing, of course, and that movie date, and other dates. But mostly there was being two saps who liked each other far too much for their own good.
It's another normal afternoon, and Dazai said he would show up, so Odasaku's waiting patiently in his living room.]
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Dazai's arrival.]
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Come in.
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Hmmgm.
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Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?
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It's just a matter of waiting for the phone call with the okay to come along.]
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Once he gets a chance to check his messages, he immediately calls back.]
Dazai? It's me.
[...as if Dazai wouldn't have caller ID or something.]
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[God, he sounds like a teenage girl. Well, he's hopping up from the bench and finishing off his cigarette before disposing of it, looking down the street toward Odasaku's house.]
Are you home yet?
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[He just couldn't wait to call back.]
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[Business voice...]
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FAIL DATE
This is the cause:
One, Dazai is madly in love with one (1) Oda Sakunosuke.
Two, Dazai is a massive social failure.
Three, Dazai remembered a good anniversary for the first time in his life. Two months! A record for Dazai, relationship-wise. But this one's special. This is Odasaku. And there's no one in the world like him.
He managed to get the details on Odasaku's work for the day, and he knows the approximate time that he'll be home. It's plenty of time for him to set things up. Surreptitiously, he brings in food, candles, flowers, and a few nice decorations. Also a balloon, because everyone loves balloons or they're stupid.
He first sets about cooking dinner. It's going well, and the curry is simmering nicely. He's done two pots, one for himself with only the mildest of spices, one for Odasaku with... spices. Some amount of spices. All the extra spices from his, he dumped in there, because Odasaku likes it hot hot hot! And who is he to judge? No judging, just helping. So the perfect pot of eye- and nose- and tongue-burning curry awaits. While it's reducing, Dazai sets rice in the cooker he bought, and warms water in the kettle he purchased, because Odasaku needs both. Cooling in a small tub of ice are two bottles of wine. Honestly, he's not sure what Odasaku likes in a wine, so there's also a nice, small, expensive bottle of whiskey.
Next! Dazai hums merrily to himself, setting the table with a lovely tablecloth, even pulling out a book on etiquette so he can set the dishes just so. Everything has to be perfect for their first real date. Table set, it's time for the flowers and candles. He lights a trio of pillars around a floral centerpiece. Beautiful. White, pure as Odasaku's heart, and intense burgundy, for the depth of their affection. Or something. He asked what a girl would like for a romantic date and this is what the florist gave him.
Anyway.
Candles are lit, food is simmering, table is set. Now to the bedroom. Whether or not they avail themselves of it, it too will be perfect. He changes the sheets out first, setting the bed with new bronze-colored sheets and gold pillows, all far fancier than what Odasaku would ever do for himself. He'll have clean and pressed pajamas as well, and Dazai even puts a notion of a spritz of his own cologne under one of the pillows. It's romantic! He's decided this. And atop the bed, he scatters a sparing number of rose petals, putting the rest in a cup in the bathroom for a lovely bath after. Beside this, there's a new aftershave, some expensive shave cream, and a milky, woodsy scented bubble bath.
Oh! He forgot! Not that it'll be necessary unless things go a certain way, but Dazai nestles some scented massage oil, lube, and a few condoms (ambitious!) in a folded silk handkerchief in front of the pillows. It's like a hotel. Only sexy.
A delicious smell wafts in from the kitchen. Also, a not-so-delicious smell. The good smell is rice and spices. He has no idea what the other smell is... Until he leaves the bedroom--]
Oh. Shit.
[--to find the bouquet in the center of the table wilting from the heat of the candles, with a few leaves already crisp.
A leaf falls.
The tablecloth is not flame-resistant.
He rushes over, cool-headed but actually freaking out because this isn't his home and if he burns it down this becomes the worst date ever. But he can salvage this! He reaches for the flowers and grabs the vase beneath burning leaves, moving to throw it into the sink where it can do its burning thing safely. The water is turned on to curb that, obviously. Then he shakes the flowers out of the vase and begins to fill it up so he can potentially douse the two small burning spots on the table. The wooden table.
Which is when the door opens.]
WOOO
He's a very organized person when it comes to important things, and his keys are always in the same place every morning, and he always remembers to put them in his coat - it's always the same pocket, even. So when he realizes he doesn't have his keys at all, he thinks there are good odds that Dazai is involved somehow.
He returns home from mafia business as soon as he can to find that the door is unlocked. That's good. Not being able to get into his own apartment would be unfortunate and embarrassing.]
Dazai, are you in-
[When he has the door open is when he first smells smoke.
Dazai is definitely in here. Fire is also in here.]
--Do you need help?
[It's kind of a ridiculous question, but he's not exactly sure how to react to Dazai setting fire to his apartment.]
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In. Trouble.
But he looks up at Odasaku with a smile as he dumps water on the center of the table.]
Odasaku! How was your day?
[Okay, a little more water should do it... but now the curry smells funny. He had the heat up too high for the small portion in his own pot, so they are now treated to the smell of scalding mild curry, mingling with the overwhelming scent of the hot curry that is for Odasaku.
The rice cooker beeps. The kettle clicks, then beeps as well.
Everything is fine.]
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[Up until now, because what is going on in here, actually.
Okay. Things are beeping in the kitchen. Let's start with that.]
I can get those for you.
[Dazai is clearly Very Busy and does not need to be concerned. Odasaku starts towards the kitchen with the intent of turning off anything that looks done or burnt.]
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[Okay, so he's confident that the burning is done on the table. Now he's stopping, deflating a bit as the balloon bobs behind Odasaku's chair, and as water drips down onto the carefully wrapped gift on the seat. But... things must be fixed! He rushes into the kitchen with a forced, bright smile, and shoos Odasaku away from the curry.]
It's perfect! It's perfect. It'll be great. Can you... ah, stir it... [He shoves two spoons into Odasaku's hands, not bothering to register that one pot is wholly ruined. Then back to the table. He's humming happily because nothing is wrong and everything is fine and there are black marks on the table's surface and a massive hole in the tablecloth. The candles are doused. There's water on the plates.
HE CAN SALVAGE THIS.
He'll just... carefully use the cloth napkins to wrangle the water away from Odasaku's side of the table, and stack the plates and utensils neatly on his own side so he can begin removing the tablecloth. Of course, he forgets the wine glasses, and one falls from the table. Fortunately, it doesn't break!
So he scoops it up and keeps smiling. He keeps smiling as he carries the plates into the kitchen, fine china he brought in himself, real silver silverware, and crystal glasses... All precariously perched. They get dumped into the sink, on the opposite side from the vase and flowers.]
Right! Plastic it is!
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Osamu, do you know your ring size?
[Odasaku is a very straightforward person, and he asks while they're cuddling and not talking about much of importance.]
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I don't. Do you know yours?
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[Hmm... But that makes things harder, if he can't just ask.]
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[He takes Odasaku's in his, holding them up.]
See?
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[He intertwines Dazai's fingers with his.
He'll just have to get it resized later, if it doesn't fit right. That should be fine.]
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