For ninjou.

[tenimuho]

[Tonight, Dazai is really drunk.

This is not different from most other nights in their favorite bar, save for a few things.

1. Ango isn't here.

2. Dazai is really drunk. The kind of drunk that has Odasaku concerned that he might be trying to die through liver failure. That drunk.

And so, it's with hesitation that he speaks up.]

Maybe you should stop drinking for tonight.

Comments

[ninjou]

[Pout.]

I was kidding... But when it's just the two of us, we don't talk very much, do we?

[tenimuho]

Do you want to talk?

[He could do that, if that was the direction their friendship was going in. It's just always stayed at this semi-superficial level.]

[ninjou]

I don't know.

[He's looking around, thinking he knows what Odasaku's place looks like.]

I like it the way it is, too. That's such a hard decision.

[tenimuho]

[If things change, they won't stay the same. If they don't stay the same, they have a chance of being lost altogether. It's something like that.]

I don't mind it either way.

-it's this door, Dazai.

[He unlocks the door for him, nodding at him to go in.]

[ninjou]

[Oh. He was walking right past it. He'll just... go back... and go in the right one. He's careful to stop and remove his shoes, flopping on the floor to do so.]

Thanks!~

[tenimuho]

[Odasaku takes his shoes off and sets them neatly aside, then pauses.]

I might not own a deck of cards.

[ninjou]

[Dazai stops. No cards. Oh, he didn't think about that one. He pats himself down, like he might have some on his person. Cigarettes? Gun? Game system?]

I don't have any.

[Time to struggle to his feet.]

[tenimuho]

I guess we can't play Go Fish.

[Oops. That's actually disappointing.]

What do you want to do instead?

[ninjou]

[Damn. He had his heart set on Go Fish. So he considers things carefully, before leaning fully into Odasaku once he's upright. He's fairly pinned to the door with hands on his shoulders, if Dazai did his work right.]

Let me think...

[tenimuho]

[So he is. Most other people would be concerned about being in this position with Dazai Osamu, but not Odasaku. He's more confused than anything else, not trying to get out of Dazai's grip.

The amount that he is sure of what Dazai's going to do next could be described as 'fuckall'.]

[ninjou]

[Dazai is staring at him quite seriously, a little darkness in his eyes, maybe a little of his idle loneliness that he doesn't usually talk about peeking through and showing itself.]

O~da~sa~ku~

[tenimuho]

Dazai?

[Being stared at is a little bit uncomfortable, but he'll endure it.]

[ninjou]

[He half collapses against him, resting his head on Odasaku's shoulder as he slides his arms down and holds his hands.]

I drank too much for cards.

[tenimuho]

[Hand-holding. Um. Odasaku looks between the top of Dazai's head and where there hands are joined.]

I guess it's better that we didn't end up playing.

[...he gives Dazai's hands a light squeeze, if only because they're there and this is a thing that's going on now apparently.]

[ninjou]

[Dazai squeezes back. And nuzzles Odasaku's neck.]

I can go home. Just give me a couple of minutes so I can walk right...

[tenimuho]

[It takes Odasaku a second to answer, mostly because that feels weirdly nice and he's not at all sure how he feels about that.]

You don't have to. I can sleep on the couch.

[ninjou]

I'll go home, I'll go home...

[He is nuzzling a little higher and are those lips on Odasaku's neck?]

[tenimuho]

Dazai, what are you doing?

[Not that he doesn't know what Dazai's doing, but- why would be a better question. But 'why' is also a question you never ask a drunk person.]

If you're drunk enough to do this you're too drunk to walk home.

[He lets go of Dazai's hands in order to grip Dazai's shoulders, intending to push him away. In just one second.]

[ninjou]

Nothing.

[He's going to keep going, his lips are just on Odasaku's jaw and it feels warm and good, and his scruff is so attractive, he's so handsome and so... he smells good and warm, warm, so warm...

But there are hands on his shoulders. He pulls away til he's standing upright, and looks like he wants to look like a child who's been caught doing something naughty. But there's a twinkle in dark mahogany that says he was up to something and he wasn't ashamed.

But he's drunk.]

[tenimuho]

[He knows that look and he knows it well. Dazai, for all his talents, has never been good at acting innocent.

Odasaku sighs heavily and lets go of Dazai's shoulders, opting for a light hand on his back instead.]

You probably won't even remember this tomorrow.

[Dazai is troublesome. That's for certain.]

[ninjou]

If I don't, I hope you will.

[Hands off his shoulders, Dazai practically lunges in and presses his lips sloppily to Odasaku's.]

[tenimuho]

[The first coherent thought Odasaku has is wondering if Flawless would have protected him if it was anyone but Dazai.

The next coherent thought is that he really should stop him. Because Dazai is drunk, incredibly drunk, and he will regret this in the morning. Odasaku will regret this in the morning. The last thing he wants to do is take advantage, even if it only is a kiss.

His hands hover, as he's on the verge of deciding to push him away.

But part of him, part of him that knows himself better than he wants to admit, realizes that it's because it's Dazai that he hasn't pushed him away yet, and not just because Flawless didn't warn him or because he's Odasaku's superior who could very well get cranky about being refused. He knows he'd at least like this better if Dazai were sober and capable of making decisions like whether to kiss him without impairment.

...Dazai probably wouldn't make that decision, if he were sober.

Odasaku's hands fall back to his sides, and he makes a soft sound into the kiss. It's not a sound that strikes of being displeased.]

[ninjou]

[That's not rejection, and Dazai is surprised. He tries to make it something more, but he's being a little awkward and he's leaning too far, so he has to right himself fairly quickly. He's still looking at Odasaku, though, who is somehow sort of one of his subordinates, sort of somehow kind of like a friend, someone he can rely on and wants to have drinks with and play stupid card games and kiss.

It's foolish, though, isn't it? Being drunk and trying this. He's already kicking himself over it. There's a truly questioning look in his eyes when he finally speaks.]

You didn't punch me.

[tenimuho]

[It's for the best that Dazai can't make it anything more without falling over, really. That way no one gets too far and no one has to regret that.]

No, I didn't.

[It didn't actually occur to him to react violently. Maybe a little more forcefully in pushing him away, but not violently.]

I would be happier if you did this when you were sober.

[...He's not sure if he hopes Dazai remembers that or not. He's leaning towards not.]

[ninjou]

Right! Me, too.

[Dazai doesn't look away, slightly hazy, slightly crazed, and he huffs. Odasaku will probably never know how important he is to Dazai. How much Dazai fears and loathes that he'll lose him someday. How being alone with Odasaku makes his heart calm and his head clear. He can't tell him that, not sober, not drunk, not ever. He tries to express it like this, then, and it's a failure.]

I want to do it when I'm sober, but it's really hard...

[Shrugging, he sits to put his shoes back on.]

...to get your attention and everything. You're always so caught up in trying to be nobody.