crowspace | For ninjou.

[Dazai seems to release all the tension at once, stepping back and away from Odasaku, tripping and falling on his butt so very gracefully. His cheeks are red and he's arranging his shirt as calmly as he can while completely ignoring the fact that he fell.

It's too much. That look on Odasaku's face makes him feel too much and want too much and he has to stop. He never wanted to go that far... not sober, at least. He lacks the courage and gains logic when he's rested.

Dazai doesn't bother getting up, just finishes untucking his shirt and buttons it up and fusses with his bandages. He feels like a child, like a novice.]

I'm sorry. [And he sounds so, so small.]

It's alright.

[The fact that Dazai asked him to stop is alright. The reasons why, the fact that feelings are involved and they make everything worse - maybe that's less fine, but there's nothing anyone can do about it.

He straightens up and tried not to acknowledge anything like still being turned on. It'll go away or he'll slip away and deal with it, it's fine.]

...you might want to reheat breakfast.

It's...

[God, why is his face red and his everything feels wound up too tight? He's not supposed to be easily embarrassed! All Odasaku did was...

Dazai looks at him a bit wildly, trying to straighten himself out before flopping on the floor properly and presenting an obvious... issue. He doesn't think about it.]

I don't know what to say. I feel like I should say something.

[He trusts Odasaku enough to admit to this weakness. That's more transparent than he'd be with anyone else.]

I don't know either.

[They both have issues and they're not going to acknowledge them, because acknowledging things has only made matters more awkward. It's put them in this situation.]

You don't have to say anything. We can stay the way we are.

[That's what they wanted, right? For things not to change.]

You know...

[He is Dazai the man, not Dazai the Executive, so he can say stupid things and get away with it, right? This is horrible and awkward and it's Dazai's fault for letting it go that far. He can't put his only real... friend-like person into such a compromising position. It's not okay. It's wrong and he's sorry. All his damn fault.]

It's not like I wouldn't do it! [Fuck did he say that out loud god why fuck why] I don't want to change things. I need... [you.] ...someone to laugh with and drink with and be completely jealous of for the rest of my hopefully short life.

We would still do all that.

[Even though Odasaku still doesn't think that there's much to be jealous of, he doesn't want to contest that right now.]

It would take more than you kissing me to get rid of me. I like you, Dazai.

[He said it before this whole kissing thing started, and he'll say it again.

He sits on the floor next to Dazai, because looking down at him feels... weird. Imbalanced.]

Is it really okay? That I kissed you, I mean. I didn't want to cause a problem.

[He feels absolutely small still, a child again in his timid thoughts, unable to be wholly bold over this. He should have been happy with last night.]

I like you, too. I like having you around, anyway. You're weird...

[Dazai sits up.]

[last night's kiss kind of sucked though]

It's really okay. I enjoyed it.

[He enjoyed being close to Dazai, giving Dazai those heady feelings and receiving them in return. He doesn't think he'd have liked it so much with anyone else.

That seems like a thing he shouldn't give voice to.]

[Last night was a terrible idea and Dazai is just not as sorry about it because at least he can excuse that by the drunkenness. This one he brought on himself. All of it. All of it.

He contemplates every possible path and option and outcome. They all sound horrible and they all mean things have changed. Shit.]

I've wanted to kiss you for a while. You had no idea, right?

Not really.

[He's not very perceptive, at least when it comes to things like this. He'd need to be told point blank that someone wanted to kiss him, or had it demonstrated for him like Dazai had so kindly done.]

And you didn't look at me that way at all, so this was a shock... we went over the top.

[He smiles and settles a hand on Odasaku's shoulder.]

You're good, though. I really liked it. I'm surprised, too... you don't seem like you'd date a lot.

I've done it a few times.

[Plainly said. He doesn't have anything to be embarrassed about here.]

I'm older than you, remember.

Right, right.

[He grins.]

Older men... it's not my type at all.

I don't think I have a type.

[He hadn't really thought all that much of those few times. He'd wanted to know what the fuss was about, he found someone his age who felt similarly, they had an okay time.

Dazai's different. The drive to make Dazai feel blissfully good is unique to him.]

Good looking Mafia executives, apparently. I'm the only one worth it.

[He's trying to calm down. He's going to be fine. He's going to need a few minutes alone, maybe. There's just no way for him to excuse doing anything with Odasaku beyond the kissing. There's no way they'd be able to stop at once.]

You're right. It's just you.

[...what. Dazai said it first, not him. It's completely excusable for him to agree.]

[He laughs, light and genuine.]

Don't leave me, Odasaku. Ever.

I won't.

[Sincere as ever.]

Good.

[Fuck it. He just kissed him again, softly. Lightly. A glancing blow.]

[Dazai's difficult to figure out. But once Dazai kisses him, Odasaku can't help but peck his lips in return, ever so lightly.

It's not onesided and he's not pushing Odasaku into anything. It's important Dazai knows that.]

[He makes a gentle, content sound.]

That won't be the last time. You have been warned.

[Oh no. Whatever will he do.]

Sounds good to me.

Maybe... next time I won't fall on my ass?

[He offers a laugh and a smile. There. Not awkward anymore.]

That did hurt the mood a little.

[He's glad the tension and awkwardness are easing.]

Next time maybe it won't be in the kitchen.

[Most comfortable places to make out: probably not the kitchen.]

Next time, next time. I'll be sure to be somewhere comfortable next time I kiss you.

[He glances at the couch.]

For ninjou.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject