crowspace | For ninjou.

[He's failing at putting his shoes on to leave. One is half on, the other one just has his toes vaguely inside. The words stop him, though, and he glances up. That's.......]

You're banking on me not remembering. It's not like I don't understand that, but if you don't like it, you can say so.

[Huffing, Dazai lays back, feet still in the entryway, back now flat on the cold floor.]

...I don't not like it.

[He would say that if he didn't - well, he would at least consider it. He's not so much of a doormat that he would let Dazai kiss him if it offended him.

So what is it that makes him hope that it's all forgotten about tomorrow, if it's not that the idea of being kissed by Dazai is offensive to him?

Oh, yes, that's it.]

It'd change things. And... that's a little scary.

[Not much frightens Odasaku, so admitting that feels foreign. But it's the truth.]

I don't think it would change anything. Not for me.

[Dazai covers his eyes with the back of one hand. Of course he's afraid of something like that. Anyone would be, especially from someone as dangerous and reckless as Dazai. Someone who could kill with a look, or so it might seem to many. He has no boundaries in some respects, but this one be crossing a small one.]

I don't know if it even means anything. I just want to do it.

[Another huff, and he turns over, shoes forgotten, curling up on the floor like he's going to just sleep right there.]

It's fine, it's fine. Forget about it.

Don't sleep in the doorway.

[And, as if he's agreed to Dazai's command to just forget about it and move onto other things, he tries to scoop Dazai off the floor.]

At least sleep on a couch.

[He rolls out of Odasaku's grip and looks up at him for a moment, then eases his hands away so he can get up by himself. It's not the easiest thing he's ever done, but he manages to do it and stagger into the main area of his apartment.]

Where is it...

Over here.

[It's a decent couch, but nothing special. Probably a little uncomfy to sleep on.]

Or you can have my bed if you want.

[Sleeping... in his bed... He snorts, then laughs.]

I usually sleep on the couch, anyway. It's too hard to make the bed...

[So he stumbles over and flops down face-down.]

Blankets...

[Do you want Odasaku to tuck you in, Dazai. Is that it.

Because he actually will fetch a blanket from his linen closet and carefully put it over you.]

Goodnight.

[Yes. Tuck him in. Or not. He laughs again, not bothering to look up, one arm hanging down off the couch. But the sound is muffled, as are his words, just before he reaches out to grab Odasaku's pants leg.]

I like you, Odasaku. I'm jealous of you. Maybe someday...

[He trails off and snuggles down a little, grip slackening.]

[Someday?]

...I'm sorry you think there's anything to be jealous of.

[There are a few things, maybe. But there are ways Dazai is better off, too.

He pulls away, gently as not to disturb Dazai too much.]

[Someday.

He's frowning against the pillows, but it can't be seen. He's just turning grumpy as he's lightly sobering. It's not fun, so he feigns sleep to avoid anything further needing to be said. Of course there are so many things to be jealous of.

His conviction. His kindness. His heart. Dazai has nothing. He's trash, and he knows he's trash, but he's talented trash, and that's what matters.]

[Odasaku goes to bed feeling uneasy, like he's made a misstep or five but it's too late to take anything back even if he knew where he'd gone wrong.

In the morning he gets up early. The smell of fried egg is likely to wake Dazai, and he'll find Odasaku in the kitchen cooking an omelette.

It's important to feed house guests, especially ones with hangovers.]

[Dazai finally falls asleep, sober and filled with discomfort over both his position on the couch and with how he made Odasaku feel and react. He deserves more respect than someone just jumping on him and kissing him.

Still once he's out, he's out. He sleeps hard and half falls off the couch, but he does wake right away when the smell of food hits him. It's nice. It's not something he experiences pretty much ever. Just laying there and enjoying it helps him shake off the latent feelings from the night before. The kiss... he didn't forget. It's fuzzy, but he didn't forget, and he doesn't regret it. He wants to finish the job and make Odasaku understand.

Who knows.

He shoves himself off the couch and takes off his suit jacket and tie, trying to be as comfortable as possible for the confrontation. That's all he can call it.]

Morning...

Good morning.

[Odasaku's not an expressive person. He doesn't tense up when Dazai speaks to him, or avoid his gaze. To all appearances, everything is normal and fine.]

Did you sleep well?

[He nods, smiling and moving over to lean on the counter.]

I haven't slept like that in a while. What about you?

Not bad.

[Not great, either. Acceptably.]

I hope you like eggs.

I do.

[Smiling. Just... keep smiling.]

I don't usually get breakfast.

That's not healthy for you. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

[He tries not to fuss over Dazai too much, but this is an important, undeniable truth.]

Is it?

[Humming thoughtfully, Dazai crosses his arms and looks up at the ceiling. It's not awkward. He swears.]

You'll have to remind me.

[Not awkward, no. Certainly not.]

Alright.

[...He doesn't want to breach the subject, but he has to, eventually.]

Do you remember last night at all?

[Actually, that breaks the tension for Dazai, who sighs and grins over at Odasaku.]

What, do you mean the part where I kissed you and you completely rejected it? Or the part where I almost slept on your floor?

[Odasaku's eyes widen for a moment, before he looks away.]

...I wasn't going to let you sleep on my floor. But I meant the first part.

[It wasn't a complete rejection. He told Dazai that already.]

[He said it to see what reaction it would get if he misrepresented the situation. It's not a good enough response.]

Right. Yes, I remember that. Obviously. Why wouldn't I? I was lucid.

[But see him being good and not acting on it?]

I meant everything I said, too.

So did I.

[Odasaku shuts off the stove. He has the feeling this conversation will be distracting, and the omelette was about done anyway.]

I'm paying attention to you.

[So if he still wants to... he can try again.

It's still frightening. But it's something he can't push away with the excuse that he doesn't want to take advantage of his drunk friend this time.]

[Ah. There he goes, safety first, even conscious and patient and good. Dazai envies that purity a little. Wonders how he keeps it. Thinks it's too good for the life he leads... but that he's suited to it somehow, too.

If Odasaku looks uneasy at all, Dazai's not going to do this. But he calms, because Odasaku does that to him, and he breathes, because he feels like he has to.]

For ninjou.

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