crowspace | For ninjou.

[He knows that look and he knows it well. Dazai, for all his talents, has never been good at acting innocent.

Odasaku sighs heavily and lets go of Dazai's shoulders, opting for a light hand on his back instead.]

You probably won't even remember this tomorrow.

[Dazai is troublesome. That's for certain.]

If I don't, I hope you will.

[Hands off his shoulders, Dazai practically lunges in and presses his lips sloppily to Odasaku's.]

[The first coherent thought Odasaku has is wondering if Flawless would have protected him if it was anyone but Dazai.

The next coherent thought is that he really should stop him. Because Dazai is drunk, incredibly drunk, and he will regret this in the morning. Odasaku will regret this in the morning. The last thing he wants to do is take advantage, even if it only is a kiss.

His hands hover, as he's on the verge of deciding to push him away.

But part of him, part of him that knows himself better than he wants to admit, realizes that it's because it's Dazai that he hasn't pushed him away yet, and not just because Flawless didn't warn him or because he's Odasaku's superior who could very well get cranky about being refused. He knows he'd at least like this better if Dazai were sober and capable of making decisions like whether to kiss him without impairment.

...Dazai probably wouldn't make that decision, if he were sober.

Odasaku's hands fall back to his sides, and he makes a soft sound into the kiss. It's not a sound that strikes of being displeased.]

[That's not rejection, and Dazai is surprised. He tries to make it something more, but he's being a little awkward and he's leaning too far, so he has to right himself fairly quickly. He's still looking at Odasaku, though, who is somehow sort of one of his subordinates, sort of somehow kind of like a friend, someone he can rely on and wants to have drinks with and play stupid card games and kiss.

It's foolish, though, isn't it? Being drunk and trying this. He's already kicking himself over it. There's a truly questioning look in his eyes when he finally speaks.]

You didn't punch me.

[It's for the best that Dazai can't make it anything more without falling over, really. That way no one gets too far and no one has to regret that.]

No, I didn't.

[It didn't actually occur to him to react violently. Maybe a little more forcefully in pushing him away, but not violently.]

I would be happier if you did this when you were sober.

[...He's not sure if he hopes Dazai remembers that or not. He's leaning towards not.]

Right! Me, too.

[Dazai doesn't look away, slightly hazy, slightly crazed, and he huffs. Odasaku will probably never know how important he is to Dazai. How much Dazai fears and loathes that he'll lose him someday. How being alone with Odasaku makes his heart calm and his head clear. He can't tell him that, not sober, not drunk, not ever. He tries to express it like this, then, and it's a failure.]

I want to do it when I'm sober, but it's really hard...

[Shrugging, he sits to put his shoes back on.]

...to get your attention and everything. You're always so caught up in trying to be nobody.

I'm sorry.

[He is nobody - but now isn't the time to argue that, not when Dazai looks that way at him. Even Odasaku knows better than that.]

How about... [What can he say?] I'll pay attention to you tomorrow, too. So if you still remember and you still want to [for some reason] you can try again.

[Maybe the hangover will stop him.]

[He's failing at putting his shoes on to leave. One is half on, the other one just has his toes vaguely inside. The words stop him, though, and he glances up. That's.......]

You're banking on me not remembering. It's not like I don't understand that, but if you don't like it, you can say so.

[Huffing, Dazai lays back, feet still in the entryway, back now flat on the cold floor.]

...I don't not like it.

[He would say that if he didn't - well, he would at least consider it. He's not so much of a doormat that he would let Dazai kiss him if it offended him.

So what is it that makes him hope that it's all forgotten about tomorrow, if it's not that the idea of being kissed by Dazai is offensive to him?

Oh, yes, that's it.]

It'd change things. And... that's a little scary.

[Not much frightens Odasaku, so admitting that feels foreign. But it's the truth.]

I don't think it would change anything. Not for me.

[Dazai covers his eyes with the back of one hand. Of course he's afraid of something like that. Anyone would be, especially from someone as dangerous and reckless as Dazai. Someone who could kill with a look, or so it might seem to many. He has no boundaries in some respects, but this one be crossing a small one.]

I don't know if it even means anything. I just want to do it.

[Another huff, and he turns over, shoes forgotten, curling up on the floor like he's going to just sleep right there.]

It's fine, it's fine. Forget about it.

Don't sleep in the doorway.

[And, as if he's agreed to Dazai's command to just forget about it and move onto other things, he tries to scoop Dazai off the floor.]

At least sleep on a couch.

[He rolls out of Odasaku's grip and looks up at him for a moment, then eases his hands away so he can get up by himself. It's not the easiest thing he's ever done, but he manages to do it and stagger into the main area of his apartment.]

Where is it...

Over here.

[It's a decent couch, but nothing special. Probably a little uncomfy to sleep on.]

Or you can have my bed if you want.

[Sleeping... in his bed... He snorts, then laughs.]

I usually sleep on the couch, anyway. It's too hard to make the bed...

[So he stumbles over and flops down face-down.]

Blankets...

[Do you want Odasaku to tuck you in, Dazai. Is that it.

Because he actually will fetch a blanket from his linen closet and carefully put it over you.]

Goodnight.

[Yes. Tuck him in. Or not. He laughs again, not bothering to look up, one arm hanging down off the couch. But the sound is muffled, as are his words, just before he reaches out to grab Odasaku's pants leg.]

I like you, Odasaku. I'm jealous of you. Maybe someday...

[He trails off and snuggles down a little, grip slackening.]

[Someday?]

...I'm sorry you think there's anything to be jealous of.

[There are a few things, maybe. But there are ways Dazai is better off, too.

He pulls away, gently as not to disturb Dazai too much.]

[Someday.

He's frowning against the pillows, but it can't be seen. He's just turning grumpy as he's lightly sobering. It's not fun, so he feigns sleep to avoid anything further needing to be said. Of course there are so many things to be jealous of.

His conviction. His kindness. His heart. Dazai has nothing. He's trash, and he knows he's trash, but he's talented trash, and that's what matters.]

[Odasaku goes to bed feeling uneasy, like he's made a misstep or five but it's too late to take anything back even if he knew where he'd gone wrong.

In the morning he gets up early. The smell of fried egg is likely to wake Dazai, and he'll find Odasaku in the kitchen cooking an omelette.

It's important to feed house guests, especially ones with hangovers.]

[Dazai finally falls asleep, sober and filled with discomfort over both his position on the couch and with how he made Odasaku feel and react. He deserves more respect than someone just jumping on him and kissing him.

Still once he's out, he's out. He sleeps hard and half falls off the couch, but he does wake right away when the smell of food hits him. It's nice. It's not something he experiences pretty much ever. Just laying there and enjoying it helps him shake off the latent feelings from the night before. The kiss... he didn't forget. It's fuzzy, but he didn't forget, and he doesn't regret it. He wants to finish the job and make Odasaku understand.

Who knows.

He shoves himself off the couch and takes off his suit jacket and tie, trying to be as comfortable as possible for the confrontation. That's all he can call it.]

Morning...

Good morning.

[Odasaku's not an expressive person. He doesn't tense up when Dazai speaks to him, or avoid his gaze. To all appearances, everything is normal and fine.]

Did you sleep well?

[He nods, smiling and moving over to lean on the counter.]

I haven't slept like that in a while. What about you?

Not bad.

[Not great, either. Acceptably.]

I hope you like eggs.

I do.

[Smiling. Just... keep smiling.]

I don't usually get breakfast.

That's not healthy for you. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

[He tries not to fuss over Dazai too much, but this is an important, undeniable truth.]

For ninjou.

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