For ninjou.

[tenimuho]

[Tonight, Dazai is really drunk.

This is not different from most other nights in their favorite bar, save for a few things.

1. Ango isn't here.

2. Dazai is really drunk. The kind of drunk that has Odasaku concerned that he might be trying to die through liver failure. That drunk.

And so, it's with hesitation that he speaks up.]

Maybe you should stop drinking for tonight.

Comments

[ninjou]

[He sighs into that kiss, and does his best not to look back when he gathers himself and fixes his bandages. Oh. He's missing some. Back to the bedroom.]

[tenimuho]

[As long as Odasaku gets to properly say goodbye before he leaves.

...Need any help with those bandages?]

[ninjou]

[They're kind of falling off...

He stays in the room for a minute, fussing with them, then begins to just pull them off.]

Hey, Odasaku? Do you have any bandages?

[tenimuho]

Yeah. Let me get you some.

[His first aid kit is in the bathroom, and he returns to the bedroom holding a roll of bandages.]

Need help?

[ninjou]

Yeah.

[He sounds sheepish, turned way from Odasaku for a moment. The bandages worth reusing are being deposited in a pile on the bed.

He realizes, belatedly, that Odasaku hasn't seen him like this before. Quietly, he curses.]

You can leave them, actually.

[tenimuho]

Is that what you want?

[Odasaku sets the roll down, but doesn't back off or leave.]

Nothing's going to shock me. Or scare me away.

[ninjou]

If you're sure.

[He's seen Dazai's face without the bandages already this morning, scars along the side but his eye is, strangely, fine. The rest, though... The slashes, the bullet holes, the scrapes and cuts. Self-inflicted, given by the enemy, marks of punishment from his youth. It's all there, a landscape of color and texture on his arms and neck and chest.]

[tenimuho]

[Dazai has so many scars. So many, from so many places - Odasaku doesn't have to ask to guess at where some of them came from.

His eyes don't linger and stare, but they don't avoid looking at him like he's something disgusting either. He's not. He's Dazai, and this is what his body is. It's just a fact of how things are, that won't change.

Odasaku starts unwrapping a roll.]

Which part do you want done first?

[ninjou]

[It's not quite a normal look, and Dazai doesn't expect it to be, but it's still awkward enough that there's an apology on his tongue that never comes out.]

My arms are the hard part to do alone.

[tenimuho]

[It's hard to treat them completely normally - they're still there, he can't ignore that - but Odasaku does his best as he starts wrapping up one of Dazai's arms.]

Let me know if it's too tight.

[ninjou]

[Dazai watches the bandages until he's sure Odasaku doesn't need his help, then he looks at him. This is oddly intimate. Something he's never see before.]

Thanks.

[tenimuho]

[It's not something he feels he needs to be thanked for, but it is something he's doing for Dazai, so technically it's appropriate. Odasaku makes a soft sound just to confirm he heard Dazai's gratitude, and after a moment's more thought:]

I don't mind.

[He really doesn't. It's not scary, just a little bit sad.]

Ask whenever you want.

[ninjou]

[Why does that make Dazai feel so warm and wanted?]

They don't freak you out?

[tenimuho]

No. They're part of you.

[And Dazai is important, precious to Odasaku. That means accepting all of him - the good, the bad, and this.]

[ninjou]

[Right. Leave it to Odasaku to accept everything.]

For some reason I thought they'd bother you.

[tenimuho]

[Do they bother him?

Of course Odasaku would prefer if Dazai didn't get hurt. Of course he'd prefer if he didn't hurt himself, either.

But they don't live in that kind of world, and Dazai isn't that kind of person.]

Not really. They are what they are.

...You're still handsome, by the way. I meant that part.

[ninjou]

[They live in a world where Dazai does this and will do this perhaps forever. For now, at least it seems he'll have Odasaku to lean on.

He helps with tucking amd securing the end of the bandages on the one arm, then holds out the other.]

You're always going to be the good looking one. Don't argue.

[tenimuho]

What will happen if I argue?

[Odasaku sees himself as fairly plain. Not unattractive, but nothing special.

He starts wrapping Dazai's other arm with the same care as the first one.]

[ninjou]

I'll make you touch them.

[The scars. He is the picture of a perfect lineface right now.]

And then I'll shove you in front of a mirror and talk about you for an hour.

[tenimuho]

I don't mind touching them as long as it doesn't hurt you.

[The other part doesn't sound all that bad either. Maybe just embarrassing.]

[ninjou]

[Well, that's good.]

It feels weird. Like nothing and everything at the same time.

[He refuses to talk about how it also makes him slightly... entertained...?]

[tenimuho]

That does sound weird.

[But as long as it's not painful...]

I still think you're more handsome than I am.

[ninjou]

[It's good. Very good. He'll find out eventually, probably.

He is also going to lunge at Odasaku and drag him in front of the mirror.]

Last chance.

[tenimuho]

[Welp. He's dragged along.]

Don't you have somewhere to be this morning? You can't talk about me for an hour.

[ninjou]

Shhhh...

[He laughs and takes the short length of bandages they were wrapping and puts it on the bed. Then he stands half behind Odasaku and rests a hand on top of his head before running it through his hair.]

This hair, the perfect shade. Why do you dye it? Ahh, you're hard to look away from. And it's soft... effortless, right? You woke up this morning looking like this. And speaking of that, your sleeping face makes my heart beat really, really fast. Your mouth open a little and your eyes lightly closed. Like you're ready to jump up at any moment.