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ninjou.
[Tonight, Dazai is really drunk.
This is not different from most other nights in their favorite bar, save for a few things.
1. Ango isn't here.
2. Dazai is really drunk. The kind of drunk that has Odasaku concerned that he might be trying to die through liver failure. That drunk.
And so, it's with hesitation that he speaks up.]
Maybe you should stop drinking for tonight.
This is not different from most other nights in their favorite bar, save for a few things.
1. Ango isn't here.
2. Dazai is really drunk. The kind of drunk that has Odasaku concerned that he might be trying to die through liver failure. That drunk.
And so, it's with hesitation that he speaks up.]
Maybe you should stop drinking for tonight.
WOOO
He's a very organized person when it comes to important things, and his keys are always in the same place every morning, and he always remembers to put them in his coat - it's always the same pocket, even. So when he realizes he doesn't have his keys at all, he thinks there are good odds that Dazai is involved somehow.
He returns home from mafia business as soon as he can to find that the door is unlocked. That's good. Not being able to get into his own apartment would be unfortunate and embarrassing.]
Dazai, are you in-
[When he has the door open is when he first smells smoke.
Dazai is definitely in here. Fire is also in here.]
--Do you need help?
[It's kind of a ridiculous question, but he's not exactly sure how to react to Dazai setting fire to his apartment.]
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In. Trouble.
But he looks up at Odasaku with a smile as he dumps water on the center of the table.]
Odasaku! How was your day?
[Okay, a little more water should do it... but now the curry smells funny. He had the heat up too high for the small portion in his own pot, so they are now treated to the smell of scalding mild curry, mingling with the overwhelming scent of the hot curry that is for Odasaku.
The rice cooker beeps. The kettle clicks, then beeps as well.
Everything is fine.]
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[Up until now, because what is going on in here, actually.
Okay. Things are beeping in the kitchen. Let's start with that.]
I can get those for you.
[Dazai is clearly Very Busy and does not need to be concerned. Odasaku starts towards the kitchen with the intent of turning off anything that looks done or burnt.]
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[Okay, so he's confident that the burning is done on the table. Now he's stopping, deflating a bit as the balloon bobs behind Odasaku's chair, and as water drips down onto the carefully wrapped gift on the seat. But... things must be fixed! He rushes into the kitchen with a forced, bright smile, and shoos Odasaku away from the curry.]
It's perfect! It's perfect. It'll be great. Can you... ah, stir it... [He shoves two spoons into Odasaku's hands, not bothering to register that one pot is wholly ruined. Then back to the table. He's humming happily because nothing is wrong and everything is fine and there are black marks on the table's surface and a massive hole in the tablecloth. The candles are doused. There's water on the plates.
HE CAN SALVAGE THIS.
He'll just... carefully use the cloth napkins to wrangle the water away from Odasaku's side of the table, and stack the plates and utensils neatly on his own side so he can begin removing the tablecloth. Of course, he forgets the wine glasses, and one falls from the table. Fortunately, it doesn't break!
So he scoops it up and keeps smiling. He keeps smiling as he carries the plates into the kitchen, fine china he brought in himself, real silver silverware, and crystal glasses... All precariously perched. They get dumped into the sink, on the opposite side from the vase and flowers.]
Right! Plastic it is!
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Odasaku, for his part, nods, and turns off the rice cooker and water kettle first. Then he gives the curry a closer look - okay, that one's burnt, might as well just turn that off before giving the other one a stir.
That... that smells very spicy, doesn't it. Even by his standards.]
Plastic is practical anyway.
[He's trying to be reassuring about this. It's fine, Dazai, it's totally fine except for the parts where it isn't.]
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I made them from scratch. Ah... that one's a little burnt, isn't it? Well, the other one's fine, and it's for you. That's what matters! I'll be fine with the rice~
[After a pause, with a plastic plate in his hands, he leans over to try to give Odasaku a kiss on the cheek. He slips on water and misses, stumbling past him, fortunately not upsetting the food or anything. A nonchalant walk back to the plates is in order. So... plastic plates, plastic cups, and some usual silverware. It's fine. Off to the table he goes to finish removing the tablecloth, and to use some towels to mop up the water.
It's after a few seconds of this that everything finally sort of... fails.]
I think... I burned your table. I'll buy you a new one.
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[He's probably going to get himself something cheap. Maybe something less prone to catching on fire. That's a concern he didn't realize he had with tables until now.
Odasaku will just carry the food to the table for him, avoiding any remaining water on the floor in the process.]
I'm not mad.
[He feels like he should establish this.]
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No, it's my fault! It's fine, though. It had a wobbly leg...
[No it didn't.]
Ahh... doesn't that smell good? It's a super secret recipe I found online. "The Perfect Curry."
[He brightens up and smiles again, looking eagerly at Odasaku for a reaction before he remembers the wine and whiskey.]
I'll... go get the drinks!
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Thank you for cooking. I'm sure it'll be delicious.
[Even if the candles were not a great idea, surely that's the limit of how wrong a well-planned meal can go.
Ahahaha.
He switches the seat cushion that has the soggy gift on it for a different chair's cushion, then has a seat.]
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[At least this part will be good! For sure! He made it extra spicy just for Odasaku. It's probably not as good as his usual place, since it's an amateur effort, but it's made with affection!
Dazai returns with the white wine and the whiskey, corkscrew in hand.]
I wasn't sure what kind of wine you liked... So I bought my usual whiskey, too.
[Oh! The gift!]
You should open that while the food cools off.
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Ah. Silk pajamas that are almost soaked through. Odasaku runs his thumb over the material.]
These look nice.
[They were probably much nicer without water involved, but maybe dry-cleaning can rescue them.]
Thank you, Osamu.
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But the expensive pajamas are soaked through, their deep reddish purple almost pathetically black.]
They were nicer about twenty minutes ago... but... happy anniversary anyway.
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Happy anniversary.
[He didn't need to go through all this for him, but - Dazai gets a soft kiss on the lips for his troubles.]
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Oh, of course he missed something. The reason he'd made hot water.]
I forgot to make the miso.
[A little laugh sounds, and he shakes his head.]
For a person who always knows what to do, I'm failing pretty badly. Hopefully the curry is fine...
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It's good that he decided that before actually trying it, because that is too spicy. Odasaku barely manages not to cough, but it feels like his entire mouth is on fire.]
It's - it's really good.
[He takes a sip of wine.]
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Thank goodness! I'm so happy! That was the hardest part. I know you like it spicy, right? But it's too hot for me to try it. I did it until I could smell it, so it smells like what you always get...
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It's delicious. I'm only sorry yours didn't come out well.
[He has another tiny, tiny bite, followed by another sip of wine.]
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No.
Dazai can smell it from across the table. Dammit. He... completely ruined dinner. Just... smile and try not to facepalm. Nope, he puts his head in his hands rather briefly before running his hands over his hair.]
Do you want me to order something for delivery? Don't make yourself sick if it's not good.
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I'm sorry. Rice will be fine.
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They'll laugh about this someday. With a slightly crooked smile, Dazai pulls his phone out and waves it a bit.]
Are you sure? I'll pay. I'll get you real curry!
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[...though that's long since a lost cause, at this stage.]
Rice is fine. Let's just relax. Tell me about your day.
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But he can do this! He'll make it work. A few things are punched up on the phone, and he puts on some sweet, soft music of the type he knows Odasaku will appreciate. Then they can... at their rice. Mmmmm rice.]
I've been here most of the day. When I saw you this morning, I stole your key! It took a few hours to sneak everything in.
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[He really only has seen about half, and it's still impressive.
The music is nice, though. Odasaku relaxes a little into his seat.]
I don't think I own a rice cooker.
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You do now! And the kettle, too.
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[And most importantly, neither of them are ruined in any way, so there's nothing to complain about there.]
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