For ningen, yandasaku. Sorry Dazai.

[hurrayformarriage]

[Dazai's been following Akutagawa around a lot. He really does admire him, yeah? Always has.

It's fine to admire someone, but Odasaku isn't sure Dazai understands that Akutagawa isn't going to return his admiration. Akutagawa isn't going to be the one to make him happy. That's Odasaku. It's always been Odasaku.

Luckily, Odasaku is the master of sounding casual and relaxed when he doesn't feel relaxed at all.]

I heard Akutagawa talking about you.

Comments

[hurrayformarriage]

...Pretty sure I've never heard anybody in my life use that nicely, Dazai.

[He hates to do this, but letting him deny it will just be worse, even if it's not actually true.]

[ningen]

Y-yeah...

[He stops and just stares... straight at the ground, into the ground, through the ground.]

I guess... I could be a little much...

[hurrayformarriage]

It ain't like that! He just don't appreciate your good qualities!

[Like Oda does. Oda and no one else.]

[ningen]

[Dazai is busy dying on the inside.]

He... really said I was disturbing? You definitely didn't hear it wrong?

[hurrayformarriage]

...Sorry. 's what he said.

[Except he's not sorry, and he didn't say that, but close enough.]

[ningen]

Ah. Okay.

[He smiles again, just a little brokenhearted, and runs a hand over his hair, fussing with his braid.]

I guess... that's that, isn't it. He's right, isn't he?

[hurrayformarriage]

You ain't never disturbed me, Dazai.

[But Dazai doesn't follow him around like a stalker, so maybe there's no real comparison there.]

[ningen]

What about everyone else, though?

[They don't matter. He knows they don't. He is fine by himself. He can quietly go back to wanting to die... even though he's dead but not dead.]

You really won't leave me, right?

[hurrayformarriage]

Never. You're stuck with me forever.

[He doesn't get a choice in this.]

[ningen]

R...right. [Everything is horrible and he looks so dejected, but he's grateful to have such a good friend, someone he can completely trust.]

[hurrayformarriage]

C'mere. You look pretty awful right now.

[He also doesn't get a choice about getting hugged.]

[ningen]

Do I? I don't...

[He gets pulled into the hug, and settles arms around Odasaku, clinging.]

...I don't mean to.

[hurrayformarriage]

'Course you don't. I know you better than anyone, you'd never do that on purpose.

[The fact remains that he does get obsessive, and it probably is a bother, even if he hasn't actually heard Akutagawa say so.]

[ningen]

Right. I'm a good person sometimes... I try to be... okay...

[Obsessive. A bother. Never tell him.]

Thanks.

[hurrayformarriage]

You're a good guy.

[And Odasaku loves him, despite knowing that he's flawed. Who isn't?]

It's fine to lean on me a little more, y'know.

[ningen]

Oh... [He pulls away.] No, I couldn't. You'll probably think I'm irritating, too. It's fine how we are. You and me. Best buddies.

[hurrayformarriage]

I wouldn't do that!

[Why would he ever be annoyed at Dazai, the thought's ridiculous.]

You're real important to me, Dazai, I'd do anythin' for you.

[ningen]

Really?

[He still straightens, fussing with his cloak.]

I mean, I'd do anything for you, too.

[hurrayformarriage]

[What a good thing to hear, and just what he'd been hoping for. It shows on Odasaku's face how pleased he is by that.]

Yeah, of course! Wouldn't kid about somethin' as important as that.

[ningen]

[He's glad Odasaku seems happy. At least someone is happy today. He'll just smile as best he can, still holding back the urge to fall down in a sad lump.]

I don't know what I'd do if...

[If he died. Again. Awks.]

[hurrayformarriage]

[He knows, or at least he gets the idea.]

I'm not leavin' you, Dazai. Not for anything.

[Not even for death. Death can stuff it, because Dazai is more important.]

[ningen]

[Death just... it doesn't scare him, and does. More the deaths of others than his own.]

Thanks. Thank you. I mean it.

[hurrayformarriage]

Nah. There ain't nothin' you gotta thank me for.

[Given the whole 'lying to his face' thing, he's probably actually right here.]

[ningen]

Why not? You told me the truth and you're still staying with me. It's pretty cool...

[A smile. Odasaku is just cool anyway.]

[hurrayformarriage]

That's just what you do for people you like, y'know?

[Nothing incredibly praiseworthy.]