For ningen, yandasaku. Sorry Dazai.

[hurrayformarriage]

[Dazai's been following Akutagawa around a lot. He really does admire him, yeah? Always has.

It's fine to admire someone, but Odasaku isn't sure Dazai understands that Akutagawa isn't going to return his admiration. Akutagawa isn't going to be the one to make him happy. That's Odasaku. It's always been Odasaku.

Luckily, Odasaku is the master of sounding casual and relaxed when he doesn't feel relaxed at all.]

I heard Akutagawa talking about you.

Comments

[hurrayformarriage]

[Dazai depending on him is a wonderful feeling, and Odasaku's reached the point where he can't hold back any longer.

He gently turns Dazai's face up to look at him, instead of being pressed against his shoulder, and leans down to cover Dazai's lips with his.]

[ningen]

[Dazai lets his head be turned, slowly opens his eyes just before there are lips involved and he is very confused indeed. One minute he's hugging his friend, the next minute some weirdo is kissing him and how did they get there and where is Odasaku anyway?

Oh.

Oh dear.

He's frozen still, because he finally stops short circuiting and notes that Odasaku is in fact right there, kissing him.]

Mmf?

[hurrayformarriage]

[Well. That's not the ideal reaction. But Dazai hasn't shoved him away, so it's not the worst possible reaction, either.

Odasaku will draw back a little of his own accord, to give Dazai some time to process what just happened. He looks a bit sheepish, and also red in the cheeks.]

[ningen]

[You'll have to let him run out of mental steam and reset before he can do much, so he looks quite dumbly at his friend, wonders what the hell brought that on...]

Did you... um?

[hurrayformarriage]

Kiss you? Yeah. I been wantin' to for a while.

[He just hadn't found the right time. And maybe that wasn't the right time, either, but it's too late to take it back.]

[ningen]

Why?

[Which, as an author, is not a valid question for a human being and Dazai should know that. But he's busy being surprised. And... well... deep down there's a massive calm peace simmering and waiting for the go-ahead to take him over. It's just waiting...]

[hurrayformarriage]

Because I like you, Dazai.

[There's no reason more pure than that. Odasaku wants to kiss Dazai because he likes him.]

[ningen]

...Why?

[You're not the only one who's a miserable wretch on the inside, Odasaku.]

[hurrayformarriage]

[He almost asks 'why shouldn't I?' but he knows Dazai will come up with a long list of reasons.]

Love's like that, y'know? You make me happy, but it's kinda hard to explain.

[So he can't come up with one singular quality that makes him like Dazai. He just... likes Dazai.]

[ningen]

Love... huh...

[Dazai looks crestfallen and confused, that list of reasons stacking up unprompted. They want to spill out, but the biggest one he can't bring himself to say, and he gives a choked little noise as he starts to back off.

He wants more than anything for him to explain.]

[hurrayformarriage]

[He's running away. He's running away from him because he can't explain and Odasaku doesn't want him to leave. If he rejects him for another reason, that's understandable, but not because of that-

So he reaches out to Dazai, catches him by the shoulder.]

You're worthy of love, you deserve love, you deserve my love, don't run away from me, please?

[ningen]

[He stops, then, and lets his shoulder be held, head ducked, brain running a million miles an hour. He wants... to be loved...

He's not worthy of Odasaku's love. He doesn't deserve his love.

But he wants it more than he ever wanted Akutagawa's approval. Always has.]

You know... I wonder if it'd be better if you were mad at me.

[hurrayformarriage]

I dunno if I can do that for you, Dazai. I'm sorry.

[He'd do most things for him, but he can't be angry at his dearest friend, the person he likes the most.]

[ningen]

Look, Odasaku...

[He's a writer. He should manage a little eloquence.

........It's Dazai, who are we kidding.

He looks up and he's smiling thinly and pained and his eyes are a little watery and he doesn't want to make Odasaku sad so he has to be careful...]

You know... I loved you before this, too. For a really long time. I never got the chance to tell you properly, so I feel bad that you're beating me to it. I was there first. I was going to tell you. Then things happened.

[hurrayformarriage]

[It pains him to see that kind of hurt on Dazai's face, so even though he wants to be overjoyed at Dazai loved me, he refrains.]

It's been a really long time for me, too, so maybe I loved you first. You don't know that.

-But it's fine. We love each other now, right?

[ningen]

I definitely loved you first. Remember that time when we were drunk and you threw your pen at me and it ruined my favorite shirt?

[Well, he's smiling a little now.]

[hurrayformarriage]

Yeah, I remember. I wanted to get you a new one after that, but all your clothes are so expensive...

[That's what he expects from Dazai, the stylish one.]

[ningen]

Well, that was it. When I walked over and stole your drink I was definitely in love. That was basically flirting.

[A laugh.]

Don't criticize my clothes, anyway.

[Moving back in now, super close.]

[hurrayformarriage]

Wouldn't dream 'bout it.

[Dazai can get as close as he wants. Odasaku will just wrap his arms around his back now, if Dazai lets him.]

[ningen]

Hey, Odasaku...

[He takes a breath, and screws up his courage, and just...]

You should kiss me again.

[hurrayformarriage]

[Dazai definitely doesn't need to tell him twice. Odasaku kisses Dazai again, a sweet kiss that he doesn't want to pull away from anytime soon.]

[ningen]

[Dazai doesn't pull away either, letting it be a soft, gentle thing, not aggressively advanced, just calmly accepted and graciously returned. Something dear and loving, where Dazai knows he's wanted. They can be like this now! It's awesome! And he couldn't be happier.]

[hurrayformarriage]

[If Dazai's happy, he's happy - if he's happy kissing him, that's even better. Dazai's wanted and loved, and he doesn't have to be aggressive to show it, this is more than good enough for that.

A soft, pleased hum leaves his throat. He's the happiest he's been in ages.]

[ningen]

[He missed Odasaku. He knows the other guy showed up first to the "not really dead anymore" party, but he missed remembering the little things. He loves remembering them, day by day.

The kiss lingers, on and on, because he never wants to stop. He's enamored, so let him be like this, arms sliding around his friend, mind slowly spiraling into a pleasant mess. He loves him. And he's loved. How weird.

And wonderful.]

[hurrayformarriage]

[Dazai loves him back. Dazai has his arms around him, and Dazai wants to be here, kissing him. Odasaku might die again, of joy. Maybe it's possible. It's the best way to go, if it is.

Odasaku pulls back for a second to bump his forehead lightly against Dazai's.]

Love you, Dazai.

[Then it's back to kisses.]