For ningen, yandasaku. Sorry Dazai.

[hurrayformarriage]

[Dazai's been following Akutagawa around a lot. He really does admire him, yeah? Always has.

It's fine to admire someone, but Odasaku isn't sure Dazai understands that Akutagawa isn't going to return his admiration. Akutagawa isn't going to be the one to make him happy. That's Odasaku. It's always been Odasaku.

Luckily, Odasaku is the master of sounding casual and relaxed when he doesn't feel relaxed at all.]

I heard Akutagawa talking about you.

Comments

[ningen]

[He's always so jaunty and casual that Dazai never doubts his sincerity! They're a team sometimes, more often than not, but there is one thing that Dazai wants more than his best friend's company.

That... is the admiration of Akutagawa.]

Oh? Was he saying good things about my latest story?

[hurrayformarriage]

Nah, not really... Actually, I'm not sure I should say anythin'? Forget about it, it's my bad.

[He doesn't actually want Dazai to forget about it.]

[ningen]

[He smiles, nice and big and bright, but... it falters a little.]

What is it? Tell me what he said! I'm excited...

[hurrayformarriage]

I really oughta not say, you're not gonna like it.

[Ask. Keep asking.]

[ningen]

Um... Why?

[Maybe he's just... critiquing. Dazai can take a little feedback. Just a little...]

[hurrayformarriage]

He was talkin' about how you're followin' him around a lot lately... I think he said something like you bein' "fixated"? And that bein' "disturbing".

[He would have said creepy, but disturbing sounds more like an Akutagawa word to him.]

[ningen]

Eh?

[Hold on. His face just... he looks more and more crestfallen as the words continue, straightforward and... well.]

Are you... are you sure?

[hurrayformarriage]

Yeah, I'm sure. Mighta been outta context, but I dunno if there's any other way to take that.

[This is for Dazai's own good, so it's okay that he looks heartbroken right now. He'll get over it.]

[ningen]

Oh.

[He's smiling. Just... trying, anyway. Desperately.]

It was probably a joke. People call people they like "disturbing" all the time! It's a term of endearment!

[hurrayformarriage]

...Pretty sure I've never heard anybody in my life use that nicely, Dazai.

[He hates to do this, but letting him deny it will just be worse, even if it's not actually true.]

[ningen]

Y-yeah...

[He stops and just stares... straight at the ground, into the ground, through the ground.]

I guess... I could be a little much...

[hurrayformarriage]

It ain't like that! He just don't appreciate your good qualities!

[Like Oda does. Oda and no one else.]

[ningen]

[Dazai is busy dying on the inside.]

He... really said I was disturbing? You definitely didn't hear it wrong?

[hurrayformarriage]

...Sorry. 's what he said.

[Except he's not sorry, and he didn't say that, but close enough.]

[ningen]

Ah. Okay.

[He smiles again, just a little brokenhearted, and runs a hand over his hair, fussing with his braid.]

I guess... that's that, isn't it. He's right, isn't he?

[hurrayformarriage]

You ain't never disturbed me, Dazai.

[But Dazai doesn't follow him around like a stalker, so maybe there's no real comparison there.]

[ningen]

What about everyone else, though?

[They don't matter. He knows they don't. He is fine by himself. He can quietly go back to wanting to die... even though he's dead but not dead.]

You really won't leave me, right?

[hurrayformarriage]

Never. You're stuck with me forever.

[He doesn't get a choice in this.]

[ningen]

R...right. [Everything is horrible and he looks so dejected, but he's grateful to have such a good friend, someone he can completely trust.]

[hurrayformarriage]

C'mere. You look pretty awful right now.

[He also doesn't get a choice about getting hugged.]

[ningen]

Do I? I don't...

[He gets pulled into the hug, and settles arms around Odasaku, clinging.]

...I don't mean to.

[hurrayformarriage]

'Course you don't. I know you better than anyone, you'd never do that on purpose.

[The fact remains that he does get obsessive, and it probably is a bother, even if he hasn't actually heard Akutagawa say so.]

[ningen]

Right. I'm a good person sometimes... I try to be... okay...

[Obsessive. A bother. Never tell him.]

Thanks.

[hurrayformarriage]

You're a good guy.

[And Odasaku loves him, despite knowing that he's flawed. Who isn't?]

It's fine to lean on me a little more, y'know.

[ningen]

Oh... [He pulls away.] No, I couldn't. You'll probably think I'm irritating, too. It's fine how we are. You and me. Best buddies.