For ningen, yandasaku. Sorry Dazai.

[hurrayformarriage]

[Dazai's been following Akutagawa around a lot. He really does admire him, yeah? Always has.

It's fine to admire someone, but Odasaku isn't sure Dazai understands that Akutagawa isn't going to return his admiration. Akutagawa isn't going to be the one to make him happy. That's Odasaku. It's always been Odasaku.

Luckily, Odasaku is the master of sounding casual and relaxed when he doesn't feel relaxed at all.]

I heard Akutagawa talking about you.

Comments

[hurrayformarriage]

Even amazing people like you oughta take care of themselves. Or you'll just end up tryin' to hurt yourself again.

[He doesn't want that, both for Dazai's sake and his own.]

[ningen]

[SMILING. SMILE.]

I'm kind of in the mood now, though. You should come write, too.

[hurrayformarriage]

[He can't turn down an invitation like that.]

For a little while. And then we'll stop and rest, okay?

[ningen]

[He looks relieved.]

Great! I'll be your biggest fan forever.

[hurrayformarriage]

I'd like you better as my friend than my fan, y'know.

[It'd be weird thinking of Dazai that way. He isn't someone who usually sleeps with his fans.]

[ningen]

Well, I can be both... It's not...

[Dammit Odasaku, just let him cope in his own way!!!]

[hurrayformarriage]

Welllll, I guess I wouldn't mind bein' a replacement Akutagawa-sensei...

[If it means Dazai will fixate on him instead, then that's just fine.]

[ningen]

You're way better than him, after all! I mean, I always knew it, but now I can say it confidently.

[Hug... him...]

[hurrayformarriage]

[Can do, bracket text. Odasaku hugs Dazai, pulling him tight to his chest.

It's everything he's ever wanted to hear from Dazai.]

[ningen]

[The hug is just what Dazai needed, and he buries his face right against Odasaku's shoulder with a sigh.]

We can do this for a while, too.

[hurrayformarriage]

I ain't gonna complain about hugging somebody I like.

[He ends up petting Dazai's hair lightly.]

[ningen]

[Dazai practically snuggles in, warm and comforted by the embrace. It's nice to be cared about by someone he respects.]

Thanks.

[hurrayformarriage]

Any time you want, you just let me know.

[It's nice to have Dazai willingly snuggling up to him like this.]

[ningen]

[Laughing softly, Dazai just presses his face against that slender shoulder and sighs.]

Thanks. I'll depend on you for that, then.

[hurrayformarriage]

[Dazai depending on him is a wonderful feeling, and Odasaku's reached the point where he can't hold back any longer.

He gently turns Dazai's face up to look at him, instead of being pressed against his shoulder, and leans down to cover Dazai's lips with his.]

[ningen]

[Dazai lets his head be turned, slowly opens his eyes just before there are lips involved and he is very confused indeed. One minute he's hugging his friend, the next minute some weirdo is kissing him and how did they get there and where is Odasaku anyway?

Oh.

Oh dear.

He's frozen still, because he finally stops short circuiting and notes that Odasaku is in fact right there, kissing him.]

Mmf?

[hurrayformarriage]

[Well. That's not the ideal reaction. But Dazai hasn't shoved him away, so it's not the worst possible reaction, either.

Odasaku will draw back a little of his own accord, to give Dazai some time to process what just happened. He looks a bit sheepish, and also red in the cheeks.]

[ningen]

[You'll have to let him run out of mental steam and reset before he can do much, so he looks quite dumbly at his friend, wonders what the hell brought that on...]

Did you... um?

[hurrayformarriage]

Kiss you? Yeah. I been wantin' to for a while.

[He just hadn't found the right time. And maybe that wasn't the right time, either, but it's too late to take it back.]

[ningen]

Why?

[Which, as an author, is not a valid question for a human being and Dazai should know that. But he's busy being surprised. And... well... deep down there's a massive calm peace simmering and waiting for the go-ahead to take him over. It's just waiting...]

[hurrayformarriage]

Because I like you, Dazai.

[There's no reason more pure than that. Odasaku wants to kiss Dazai because he likes him.]

[ningen]

...Why?

[You're not the only one who's a miserable wretch on the inside, Odasaku.]

[hurrayformarriage]

[He almost asks 'why shouldn't I?' but he knows Dazai will come up with a long list of reasons.]

Love's like that, y'know? You make me happy, but it's kinda hard to explain.

[So he can't come up with one singular quality that makes him like Dazai. He just... likes Dazai.]

[ningen]

Love... huh...

[Dazai looks crestfallen and confused, that list of reasons stacking up unprompted. They want to spill out, but the biggest one he can't bring himself to say, and he gives a choked little noise as he starts to back off.

He wants more than anything for him to explain.]

[hurrayformarriage]

[He's running away. He's running away from him because he can't explain and Odasaku doesn't want him to leave. If he rejects him for another reason, that's understandable, but not because of that-

So he reaches out to Dazai, catches him by the shoulder.]

You're worthy of love, you deserve love, you deserve my love, don't run away from me, please?