For ninjou, yandazai~

[tenimuho]

[Someone who knows Odasaku as well as Dazai does surely noticed from the moment that Odasaku entered the bar, but he's in a surprisingly good mood tonight. He's humming a little, his steps are lighter, and there's even the hint of a genuine smile on his face as he sits down.

Ango's not here tonight, so it's just the two of them and the bartender.

Inquire as to what's made him so pleased?]

Comments

[tenimuho]

I want you as a friend. The way we are.

[He doesn't want to lose what they already have.]

[ninjou]

Even if I asked, you're saying you wouldn't consider anything else, right?

[It's not enough.]

[tenimuho]

If you asked me to stop being friends with you, I would. I'd be upset about it, but you can't make someone your friend who doesn't want to be.

[The same applies for romance.]

[ninjou]

Then...

[He looks conflicted, and falls quiet. It's a long, thoughtful silence, then he moves closer to Odasaku.]

So even if I say something like "I care about you as more than a friend"...?

[tenimuho]

...Even if you say that, I don't know if I can return those feelings.

[He barely allows himself this friendship.]

[ninjou]

It's probably better if we never see each other again, then.

[Dazai's version of hysterics. He's calm, cold, every word a blunt trauma.]

[tenimuho]

[Odasaku inhales. Exhales like he's trying to push out every feeling of friendship with the breath.]

Alright.

[ninjou]

[That...]

I'm that easy to get rid of?

[tenimuho]

I respect your decisions. If you want to leave, you can leave.

[ninjou]

Leave?

[He sounds like ice. Glacial.]

Leave? You're the one rejecting me, Odasaku.

[tenimuho]

[He is. That's true.]

That doesn't mean we couldn't still be friends.

[ninjou]

You expect me to look at you every day when you're making such a stupid decision? You're doing this without even thinking. After everything I did, it's still like this. Though...

[Dazai pauses.]

There's someone else, isn't there.

[tenimuho]

There isn't anyone else.

[Not someone he's romantically interested in.]

[ninjou]

No one else...

[Yet Dazai is still being rejected. He can't handle it. He can't handle not getting the one thing he wants in this life.]

[tenimuho]

No one else.

[Sorry, you can't solve this with murder.]

[ninjou]

What's wrong with me?

[Something... anything is better than just "I don't feel the same".]

[tenimuho]

[Morally and emotionally speaking, a lot.]

There isn't any specific reason I'm not in love with you. I'm just... not. I'm sorry.

[ninjou]

[Picky bastard.]

You probably think you deserve better, right? [Dazai pushes his hair back, pausing with his hand on top of his head, looking dramatic and somehow unbelievably strained.] After everything... Well, you know you can't... you can't find good people, when you're one of us, you know?

it's providence I reupped his paid today

[tenimuho]

I don't think I deserve better. I've never thought that.

[Really, Dazai, his self-esteem is terrible, you should know that.]

what is "paid" lol

[ninjou]

[Dazai is not using his brilliant mind right now. At all. He's angry and upset.]

Better than me, at least.

:>

[tenimuho]

I don't think I even deserve you as a friend, most of the time. I definitely don't deserve better.

WEEPS

[ninjou]

[His hand slides off his head and he advances on Odasaku.]

You do. You're one of the best ones here. And I love you.

[tenimuho]

...I'm sorry.

[Odasaku doesn't back up. Still not afraid of Dazai, despite everything.]

[ninjou]

Don't say that.

[He put a hand on Odasaku's shoulder.]

Just say yes.

[tenimuho]

[He doesn't want to say yes, and the pause before his answer shows that.]

...I can't.