For ninjou, yandazai~

[tenimuho]

[Someone who knows Odasaku as well as Dazai does surely noticed from the moment that Odasaku entered the bar, but he's in a surprisingly good mood tonight. He's humming a little, his steps are lighter, and there's even the hint of a genuine smile on his face as he sits down.

Ango's not here tonight, so it's just the two of them and the bartender.

Inquire as to what's made him so pleased?]

Comments

[tenimuho]

[There will be consequences for this. Oda knows that. But here and now, Dazai looks more alive than he has in a long time, longer than just his recent bout of despair. And Oda can't bear to take that from him.]

Dazai.

[Oda's voice is rough. He tilts his neck to give Dazai more room to work.]

Is this okay?

[Wouldn't a desk or something be easier...?]

[ninjou]

It's fine.

[He murmurs it against Odasaku's skin, breathing softly there and wishing he could melt against him and stop this hideous longing he's swallowed and bit back and tried to deny. Curved fingers move up to rest on the other side of Odasaku's neck as Dazai continues up, kisses feather light and softer than a whisper. He makes his way up to the man's jaw, then his earlobe, where he bites and gently tugs.]

When are you going to stop me?

[tenimuho]

I don't know.

[He hasn't thought this entirely through. If he had planned it, he might not have accounted for the way Dazai's kisses make him shiver or how unexpectedly nice having his ear bitten might feel.]

Probably never.

[He threads his fingers through Dazai's hair, gently massaging his scalp.]

[ninjou]

If you don't stop me, I won't stop.

[But the thought suddenly scares Dazai a little. The thought of wanting Odasaku so badly, wanting his mind and heart and body so badly that he's gone to arguably insane lengths... There's a hand in his hair, and his idol, his beacon is touching him in a sweet, intimate way. This isn't real. He's dreaming, isn't he?

Dazai laughs as he tugs at Odasaku's earlobe again, then begins to unbutton the man's shirt.]

I don't think I can.

[tenimuho]

I won't ask you for anything you can't do.

[What good would that do? Dazai is who he is, and right now he needs this. And Oda needs Dazai to find some measure of happiness, even if just for right now.

Oda drops his hands to make it easier, when Dazai's finished unbuttoning his shirt, to pull it off himself.]

[ninjou]

[In his heart, Dazai is a little apologetic, but his hands move faster at that affirmation, and he's pushing Odasaku's shirt off and tossing it toward the desk in a desperate fashion. Rather than even give himself a moment to take in the sight of him, Dazai bends his head down and presses a kiss, reverent and firm, right over Odasaku's heart. And of course Dazai knows where the heart is... how many bullets has he put directly through one?]

[tenimuho]

[Oda knows where his heart is for the exact same reason. The gesture is surprisingly tender and leaves Oda at a loss for words.

Except one.]

Dazai...

[He bends to press a kiss to the top of Dazai's head.]

[ninjou]

[He settles his hands at Odasaku's hips, fingers pressing almost too hard against his skin, and he glances up at him.]

I know you'll never love me. I know that. It's driving me insane because I know that. Everything I did, I did to keep you safe.

[He kisses him again in the same place, eyes falling closed, the kiss lingering.]

You saved me, a long time ago, as much as I can possibly be saved. I want to give that back to you.

[tenimuho]

['You already have', Oda wants to say. But Dazai wouldn't accept that his friendship was enough. Neither can he say 'I never wanted all this', because it's already done and he doesn't want Dazai to feel worse. And 'I didn't do anything special' isn't something even Oda would try.]

...Then don't leave. If you want to give that back, then stay with me.

[Don't shut yourself away again, and don't die.]

[ninjou]

...

[He doesn't have much he can say to that, does he? He has no real way to say he wasn't going to try to die, as that would be a lie greater than any he's ever told, and more blatant. It saps some of the drive from him to hear those words, and he knows he shouldn't have turned things down this path.

Dazai's hands run up Odasaku's chest, and he breathes before leaning in to kiss him, chaste and soft.]

[tenimuho]

[And already Oda's asked something of Dazai he can't give. Good job, Oda.

The kiss is gentle, almost sweet. Oda returns it just as softly, holding Dazai close to him.]

[ninjou]

[This... It's clearance to do more, or Dazai reads the embrace as such. He's here, they're close, and finally, finally this man he has chased for so long will somehow be his. For all that Odasaku denied it, he seems to finally be giving in, and Dazai's twisted mind decides he was right all along, that he was supposed to be with Odasaku and the other man was finally giving in to his carefully kept urges. After all, if he didn't want it, he wouldn't kiss Dazai like this.

The kiss intensifies quickly, and Dazai sighs into it before pressing his body against Odasaku's, their hips close, one hand behind Odasaku's neck and the other resting behind him on the wall.]

You wanted me all along, right?

[tenimuho]

I want you here.

[Does he love Dazai? In some sense of the word, if not romantically. Does he want him sexually? Not in particular.

But the thought of being without Dazai is agonizing. If this is what needs to be done for Dazai not to go somewhere Oda can't follow, then this is what Oda will do.]