For ninjou, yandazai~

[tenimuho]

[Someone who knows Odasaku as well as Dazai does surely noticed from the moment that Odasaku entered the bar, but he's in a surprisingly good mood tonight. He's humming a little, his steps are lighter, and there's even the hint of a genuine smile on his face as he sits down.

Ango's not here tonight, so it's just the two of them and the bartender.

Inquire as to what's made him so pleased?]

Comments

[ninjou]

What's wrong with me?

[Something... anything is better than just "I don't feel the same".]

[tenimuho]

[Morally and emotionally speaking, a lot.]

There isn't any specific reason I'm not in love with you. I'm just... not. I'm sorry.

[ninjou]

[Picky bastard.]

You probably think you deserve better, right? [Dazai pushes his hair back, pausing with his hand on top of his head, looking dramatic and somehow unbelievably strained.] After everything... Well, you know you can't... you can't find good people, when you're one of us, you know?

it's providence I reupped his paid today

[tenimuho]

I don't think I deserve better. I've never thought that.

[Really, Dazai, his self-esteem is terrible, you should know that.]

what is "paid" lol

[ninjou]

[Dazai is not using his brilliant mind right now. At all. He's angry and upset.]

Better than me, at least.

:>

[tenimuho]

I don't think I even deserve you as a friend, most of the time. I definitely don't deserve better.

WEEPS

[ninjou]

[His hand slides off his head and he advances on Odasaku.]

You do. You're one of the best ones here. And I love you.

[tenimuho]

...I'm sorry.

[Odasaku doesn't back up. Still not afraid of Dazai, despite everything.]

[ninjou]

Don't say that.

[He put a hand on Odasaku's shoulder.]

Just say yes.

[tenimuho]

[He doesn't want to say yes, and the pause before his answer shows that.]

...I can't.

[ninjou]

But why?

[Dazai moved in closer, his hand sliding against Odasaku's neck.]

[tenimuho]

[That sure is Dazai's hand on Oda's neck, let Oda just... casually try to pry it off.]

It isn't fair to say yes to you when I don't feel the same way.

[ninjou]

You could try it. I'm patient.

[That's a damn lie. Dazai forces the issue, moving even closer, so he's almost pressed to Odasaku now.]

[tenimuho]

You'd end up feeling worse. And so would I.

[ninjou]

I wouldn't.

[He leans in suddenly, trying for a kiss.]

[tenimuho]

[Dazai's lips meet the palm of Oda's hand instead, held up between them.]

I said no, Dazai.

[ninjou]

[He pushes the hand down.]

You're serious.

[tenimuho]

I've been serious the whole time.

[Dazai isn't changing his mind, discussion over, kissing attempts over.]

[ninjou]

It doesn't make sense. You know that.

[His eyes cast away though, and he steps back.]

Never mind. Just... go. And don't tell anyone about this, or I will kill you.

[tenimuho]

I won't tell anyone.

[Dazai's private business is his business, and even if anyone would believe him, Oda wouldn't say a word.

Who would he even tell? He hardly knows anyone besides Ango and his kids, and both of those are obviously bad ideas.]

[ninjou]

[Dazai moved for he door, pointedly unlocking it and opening it for Odasaku to leave. He looked anywhere but at the other man. He couldn't let the hurt in his eyes be seen, after all.]

And don't... bother trying to talk to me for a while.

[tenimuho]

[Odasaku gets the hint. He heads toward the door.]

I won't. - Take care, Dazai.

[He's hurt Dazai, and he knows that, but he does still care about him. Just not the way Dazai needs him to.]

[ninjou]

[All Dazai wants is Odasaku. Fuck the rest of this. All of it. He couldn't possibly care less. All he wants is this man's devotion and a chance to be part of his life as something more than a basic damn friend. But he isn't allowed to be happy, clearly.

He waits for Odasaku to leave, then grabs the door and looks out after him.]

You'll regret this.

[And he steps back, slamming the door shut in his wake.]

[tenimuho]

[Oda may regret this. But it's his choice to regret.

True to his word, he doesn't tell anyone about that conversation, not even Ango. He doesn't try to talk to Dazai again for a long while.

(Eventually Ango comments that he hasn't seen Odasaku at the bar they always go to for some time.)]

[ninjou]

[It tears Dazai apart. It makes his mind go places only mad people go, to hellish depths. His self-destructive tendencies become the talk of the Port Mafia more loudly than ever, and he eventually works himself into a state of exhaustion. He tries to medicate himself out of it, delving into things the rest of the mafia won't touch, until the day he locks himself into his office a little before his usual lunch time and doesn't emerge for two full days. Rumors fly, but no one knows what got into him.]