crowspace | Continuation for bandagedheart.

[Dazai is a brilliant, cunning man, but sometimes his schemes end up landing him in the hospital, because his own health is a small price to pay for the greater good...

Or, you know, because he’s been trying to die anyway, so if he ends up getting injured it’s really no big deal. His encounter with Fyodor had ended with him being shot through the abdomen, but of course his vitals had been purposely missed, because Fyodor is also a brilliant, cunning man, and Dazai’s death wasn’t part of the plan. Not this time, anyway.

So here he is, sitting up in his hospital bed and gazing out of the window nearby as awaits discharge orders. The pain is a constant, dull ache, but pain is no stranger to Dazai, and he’d straight up refused morphine to take the edge off. It’s times like these when he really feels alive, and he’d rather feel pain than the constant numbness that stems from the void deep inside.

The rest of the ADA already know that he’s here, but as for Shuji...well. Dazai might’ve purposely avoided contacting him to spare him the news, so if and when he finds out, he’s sure to be worried...]

[Dazai had avoided contacting him. He'd even not picked up on any of Shuji's calls or answered Shuji's texts, and while it spared Shuji the news briefly, it also worried him enough to go to the ADA.

Of course, Atsushi had told him, because what the fuck Dazai, why do you not tell your boyfriend you're in the hospital?

And so that's what leads to now. Shuji'd gotten Dazai's room number during visiting hours - it wasn't hard to convince the nurse that he was a worried boyfriend, considering he was on the verge of tears when talking to her. Dazai can hear his quick footsteps all the way up to the door, and when Shuji steps into the room-]

Dazai-sama!

[-he basically flies to Dazai's bedside.]

[Ah. He should’ve known that it’d only be a matter of time before Shuji tracked him down. As soon as he hears those frantic footsteps he knows exactly who’s come to visit him, and he braces himself for impact as Shuji rushes into the room.

Oh good. At least Shuji hadn’t jumped on him. That would’ve been bad.

He smiles softly and pats the bed next to him.]

Hello, Kitten.

[You don't jump on hospitalized people! Even if you are incredibly, terribly worried about them.

Careful not to even jostle him, Shuji sits down on Dazai's bed. He's stopped sniffling before, but that could change very quickly.]

Y-you're okay? You're okay, right?

[What is this odd feeling gnawing away at his insides? Not his injury, that was already treated and dealt with...

Ah. Guilt. He feels guilty for not contacting Shuji, and it almost shows in his expression for a split second before he puts on an illusion of a smile. He can’t look upset, or that’ll just upset Shuji in turn.]

I’m okay. No worries!

[He reaches up and ruffles Shuji’s hair affectionately.]

The bullet missed my vitals. I’ll be discharged soon enough.

[Dazai ruffling his hair helps soothe him a little, but he still can't completely calm down. Even if Dazai's okay now, the fact that he was shot at all, the fact that it would have only taken a different aim to kill him...

If Dazai died, Shuji doesn't know what he'd do.

Kill himself again, probably.]

I'm so glad you're alright...

[Gently, sensitive to any signs of pain, he wraps his arms around Dazai to hug him.]

[That’s what happens when you deal with villains like Fyodor on the regular. People get shot. People die. Dazai has seen it a thousand times, and he’ll see it thousands more. Life is so very fleeting in this world; that’s just the way things are. Well, except for his. Despite being only twenty-three years old, Dazai feels like he’s already lived an eternity...

His eyes flutter closed when Shuji hugs him, and he wraps both arms around him in turn.]

I’m sorry, Shuji-kun.

[Apologies are extremely rare for Dazai, but he feels like he owes Shuji several for worrying him so.]

How did you find out where I was?

[Shuji isn't used to villains killing people. Shuji's used to deathbeds, and people wasting away in their early thirties. Shuji's used to being unable to mend his relationships before the other half of them dies, or riding the train only to find that he was too late to even say goodbye.

He gave the vivid impression that there was across his path nothing but the wall of death.

Shuji rests his head against Dazai's chest.]

I went to your coworkers and they told me. I didn't - I don't want to be too late again.

[He doesn't want to say another eulogy.]

[Dazai can tell just by looking that Shuji has lost someone in the past. He’s seen death firsthand. He knows exactly what it is to watch the life fade from someone’s eyes. He’s heard the death rattle as they take their last breath. He’s felt the pain of being separated from them for eternity.

And Dazai almost made him experience it all over again.

Dazai kisses Shuji’s forehead, and for once in his life his heart aches for a completely selfless reason.]

Shuji-kun. Will you move into my apartment with me?

[A very odd question to ask at a time like this, but what better way to give his boyfriend hope than to let him look forward to the future?]

[Shuji doesn't even have to think about it. It's a question he'd considered asking himself, but hadn't had the bravery to bring up to his master.]

Yes. Yes, Dazai-sama, I will move in with you. Right away.

[His possessions aren't many, and he can carry most of them in his arms. He can move in within an afternoon.]

[In response Shuji will get a warm, genuine smile that is something very few people have ever seen.]

I’m happy to hear that.

[Dazai pulls away from the hug to readjust his position when pain lances through his side. He visibly winces, and then immediately curses himself for doing so. Normally he can hide the pain, but this was too sudden to play off.]

I’ll need help changing my bandages at home. Could you do that, Kitten?

[Shuji's seen that kind of wince before. The pain isn't as bad as everything else - though Oda's methods of dealing with it (drugs and more drugs) are questionable.

But it doesn't make Shuji feel good to watch Dazai be in pain.]

Of course. Anything you need.

[He's seen what's under the bandages already, so he's the ideal one for the task.]

Anything?

[Dazai can’t just sit here and feel feelings. He needs a distraction from the human part of himself, if only for a short while. Let him operate on pure instinct and carnal urges instead of thinking about how much Shuji being here means to him. He has no booze to take the edge off of his emotions, so why not try the next best thing?]

Then kiss me.

Edited 2018-01-21 04:53 (UTC)

[Feelings are just, like, the worst.

Shuji will lean in and kiss Dazai when asked, of course, but it's not as desperate and lust-fueled as it usually is. It's something softer and sweeter. That isn't only because Shuji wants not to hurt Dazai anymore or agitate his injuries.

He has a bunch of feelings. Sorry about that.]

[There’s no escaping this, is there...?

He’s not sure he even wants to escape these feelings, though, which is absolutely terrifying.

He returns the kiss and slides his fingers through Shuji’s hair with an incredibly soft touch, and all the words left unsaid come spilling out In the way he doesn’t pull away or turn it into something naughty.

He lets his lips linger against Shuji’s for a moment more before breaking the kiss and nuzzling his face into his neck.]

I’m glad you came to see me. I can’t wait to wake up next to you every morning, Kitten.

[Dazai is still so warm. When Shuji's close to him like this, it's impossible not to know that Dazai's still alive and well.

It's impossible not to know that Dazai wouldn't allow this kind of sweet moment with someone he had no feelings about at all.]

Me too, Dazai-sama. I'll bring my things over today, so when you get out of the hospital you can be sure you won't come back to an empty apartment.

[He strokes Dazai's hair, soothing, as gentle as the smile he wears.]

That would be wonderful, Kitten.

[Dazai hasn’t ever been faithful enough to keep a long-term partner, and while he’s had cuddly one night stands before, he’s never been touched quite so gently. It’s odd to think that after all the sins he’s committed that he’s allowed to feel such happiness...

And now he’s just so warm and cozy...his eyelids are growing heavy...

Reluctantly he pulls away and moves to lie down on the bed, the wound in his side throbbing with pain.]

I’m sorry, Shuji-kun...I may end up falling asleep!

[He’s only human, after all.]

That's fine. You should get as much rest as you need.

[He deserves it after being shot, cripes.]

I can stay here with you until you wake up, or I can get to moving in.

Edited (words.) 2018-01-21 06:11 (UTC)

Go ahead and get started. I’m not going anywhere~

[He guesses he won’t sneak out this time.]

I’ll see you soon.

[Out in the hallway, unbeknownst to even Dazai, Chuuya leans against the doorway, listening in. Shuji will definitely run into him when he goes out into the hall, and he looks none too pleased.]

[Shuji gives Dazai the softest of cheek kisses, before he goes to exit the hospital room.

...and sees a grumpy midget in a hat standing right outside.]

Can I help you with something?

[He doesn't immediately associate him with the other Chuuya, at least not consciously, but he's not predisposed to be nice to eavesdroppers.]

[Don't call him a midget, Shuji. Not if you want to keep your kneecaps.]

No, but I can help you. What the fuck was that, exactly?? Letting him call you Kitten? That’s a new one.

[Chuuya pushes off the wall and gets all up in Shuji’s personal space, radiating irritation.]

You’re his new toy, nothing more. I hope you know that.

[In any other circumstance, Shuji is a pacifier, agreeing to whatever the person clearly angry and in his space says in order to keep his kneecaps, even if he's blatantly lying.

The exception: when they're shit-talking someone he admires.]

I don't remember asking you for 'help'. You've got no business talking about him like that.

Do you even know a single goddamn thing about his past?

[Chuuya might as well be a porcupine with how prickly he is right now.]

No. He wouldn’t tell you anything relevant. He tends to leave that out when he’s trying to manipulate people.

[How could someone so tiny have so much pent up anger?]

I know because I was his partner. In the Mafia.

[Shuji's met a tinier Chuuya than this one. He knows.

As for that information...]

...Why would that matter to me?

[Sure, if he was in the mafia, he probably murdered and tortured a lot of people along with a laundry list of other crimes.

But what does Shuji care about that?

It's less a defensive question than it is genuinely confused about why Shuji would possibly care about Dazai's past.]

[Damn. This guy is fucking twisted if he doesn’t bat an eyelash at that reveal. Maybe he and Dazai really are perfect for each other.]

Fine. Keep on thinking he’s got your best interests at heart. I was just trying to give you a fair warning that moving in with him would be a huge fucking mistake, but obviously he’s already brainwashed you into thinking he cares.

[Chuuya huffs a dry, humorless laugh.]

You’re not the only one he’s fucked and made feel special, you know.

Edited 2018-01-21 07:36 (UTC)

Continuation for bandagedheart.

Hospital

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