[Alter thread.]

[unknownrival]

[Issei had failed Diarmuid, not the other way around.

He should have known that Shadow was too great for him to defeat. Should have kept Diarmuid far away from it by any means necessary. If he'd used a Command Spell - but he'd hesitated too long on using one, and now his beloved was gone.

He didn't know what to do.

He'd wandered aimlessly around the city, only returning to the temple to sleep and not willing to speak to the other monks. It was an abandonment of his duties there, but he... he couldn't handle that right now. He wanted time to himself, to deal with his failure.

Issei barely registered that he was in the woods. All that mattered was that he was alone.]

Comments

[croibhristeoir]

[Was he, really?]

[Distracted as he might have been, it might still have been possible to feel some kind of presence nearby. Or to catch the faint but present smell of blood, for that matter.]

[unknownrival]

[Not a pleasant smell. Issei looked around, almost managing some measure of alarm.]

Who's there?

[croibhristeoir]

Did you...forget...already?

[Even if the voice was notably lower and the words came a little more slowly and deliberately, it was unmistakable. Standing behind him was Lancer in black armor with jet black hair to contrast deathly pale skin with the occasional blood red veins breaking across it like blood spilled on snow.]

I'm hurt...Ryudo-dono.

[unknownrival]

[For a moment Issei forgot how to breathe. He turned, and took a step towards him without thinking of things like 'danger'.]

You... you're all I've thought of, Diarmuid.

[croibhristeoir]

Hm...ahahaha...I seem to do that to a lot of people...don't I?

[unknownrival]

Wh-what happened to you? I saw you be, be consumed by that thing.

[croibhristeoir]

The Grail, the shadow. All evils of this world. A thousand...a thousand thousand curses. Call it what you want...it is what it is...and it is what I am.

[unknownrival]

...Oh.

Then are you really Diarmuid, still?

[His hopes are about to be crushed again.]

[croibhristeoir]

I am...and I am not. Your Servant, your Lancer...he's dead...and yet he's not. I am...he is...a resentful spirit full of rage and hatred. Both inside and out.

[unknownrival]

...do you hate me?

[croibhristeoir]

Should I...?

[unknownrival]

I don't know. I don't decide your feelings. If you hate me, that's your right.

[croibhristeoir]

Of course you can...I don't do anything without someone else's direction...don't do or say or feel anything for myself. It's all for someone else. For you...for Grainne...for everyone else but myself.

[unknownrival]

That's not true. I've always wanted you to be your own person. You were never just my Servant.

[croibhristeoir]

I wanted...to be. I just wanted...to be a Servant. To be a knight...to serve someone with absolute loyalty.

Doesn't matter now. It never mattered...nothing matters. I never wanted anything for myself...now I am nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing but a hateful spirit.

[unknownrival]

...Diarmuid. What are you here to do?

[He doesn't care at this point what it is. If it makes his Lancer happy, what's left of him, he'll do it.]

[croibhristeoir]

Don't know...haven't decided. Of course...I can't decide anything. Can't stay...don't want to leave.

[unknownrival]

Whatever you decide to do... I'll support you. Even if there's only a tiny part of my beloved left in you. I can't bring myself to act against you.

[croibhristeoir]

...No. No...that is not how things have to be.

I am...a being of solitude. That is...what it is...what I am. What I should be.

[unknownrival]

That's too bad. I - Diarmuid Ua Duibhne is someone I have pledged my love to. I won't let even the small part of him that's in you be alone while I still live.

[croibhristeoir]

Why am I...here? Why...did I come back?

Issei...Ryudo-dono...did I want to kill you? I don't know.

[unknownrival]

If you want to kill me, then go ahead, I won't fight you. But I can't decide what you want.

[croibhristeoir]

I don't decide anything for myself. I'm just a puppet...yours, the Grail's, the shadow's. A puppet...can't decide what it wants...how it moves.

[unknownrival]

You were never my puppet. And I don't believe you're incapable of wanting things now.

[croibhristeoir]

No...I don't want anything. I am just a shadow, just a spirit...there's nothing I should want. Nothing but to do what...others order me to.