[Alter thread.]

[unknownrival]

[Issei had failed Diarmuid, not the other way around.

He should have known that Shadow was too great for him to defeat. Should have kept Diarmuid far away from it by any means necessary. If he'd used a Command Spell - but he'd hesitated too long on using one, and now his beloved was gone.

He didn't know what to do.

He'd wandered aimlessly around the city, only returning to the temple to sleep and not willing to speak to the other monks. It was an abandonment of his duties there, but he... he couldn't handle that right now. He wanted time to himself, to deal with his failure.

Issei barely registered that he was in the woods. All that mattered was that he was alone.]

Comments

[unknownrival]

If you want to kill me, then go ahead, I won't fight you. But I can't decide what you want.

[croibhristeoir]

I don't decide anything for myself. I'm just a puppet...yours, the Grail's, the shadow's. A puppet...can't decide what it wants...how it moves.

[unknownrival]

You were never my puppet. And I don't believe you're incapable of wanting things now.

[croibhristeoir]

No...I don't want anything. I am just a shadow, just a spirit...there's nothing I should want. Nothing but to do what...others order me to.

[unknownrival]

...You know I can't accept that, if you know me at all. And no one has known me better.

[croibhristeoir]

Why don't you...see what I've become? Shouldn't you be...revolted at the state I've fallen to? You should be afraid...that you're going to die.

[unknownrival]

After failing you like that?

I don't care if I die. Losing you is worse.

[croibhristeoir]

Failure...I am the only failure here. I have always been...a failure.

[unknownrival]

No. No, you're not. You made me very, very happy. I could never have asked for more.

[croibhristeoir]

What does it matter anymore? I can't...go back. I am not who...you want me to be. Not Diarmuid, not one of the Fianna. I am...and yet I can never be again.

[unknownrival]

I don't care. I'll take what little I can get.

[croibhristeoir]

I won't...let you stay. I do not know why...but I can not let you.

[unknownrival]

Do what you want.

[This will be the end of him, but he's willing to accept that.]

[croibhristeoir]

I don't...want to. I just want...to be alone. You won't let me. I won't let you.

I don't know...what to do.

[unknownrival]

If you want to be alone, you could get rid of me.

[croibhristeoir]

...no. I can't...kill you.

I should hate everything. All I am now is hatred, destruction. But I won't. Won't kill someone that won't fight back.

[unknownrival]

...then you're really stuck, aren't you? Because I won't go away until I'm dead.

[croibhristeoir]

...I know. I think I...know what...I want. But it is something...you won't be able to grant me.

[unknownrival]

What do you want?

[croibhristeoir]

[Diarmuid moved in response to Issei's question--everything about him seemed just as slow and pronounced as his words now. Forming itself out of prana and taking solid form in one ashen pale hand was a golden lance...no, it should have been golden. Instead its brilliant color had dulled and tarnished, not unlike the knight who stabbed its point into the ground between them.]

The only thing...that will end this. And the only thing I ever demand of you...will be the one thing you will not do.

Finish what the shadow started...and kill what remains.

[unknownrival]

[No. Not that.]

I... I couldn't... [But if Diarmid was suffering, wouldn't it be kinder just to end it...?]

I couldn't.

[croibhristeoir]

I told you that you wouldn't be able to.

It's all a contradiction. I am Diarmuid...and I can never be him again. I hate everything...and I don't. You can't save me...because you would have to kill me.

[unknownrival]

I-is there really nothing else I can do for you?

[croibhristeoir]

What else...is left? There's nothing. Nothing left of me but a remnant...that's all this is. A remnant.

[He started laughing--a quiet and deeply unsettling sound. He sounded broken, which wasn't far from the truth. It was the kind of laughter that was nearly indistinguishable from sobbing...the crimson tears from less than sane gold eyes seemed to indicate the latter, while the twisted smile pointed to the former.]

[unknownrival]

[Silently, Issei picked up the lance and examined it carefully.]

...

Hold still.