[Alter thread.]

[unknownrival]

[Issei had failed Diarmuid, not the other way around.

He should have known that Shadow was too great for him to defeat. Should have kept Diarmuid far away from it by any means necessary. If he'd used a Command Spell - but he'd hesitated too long on using one, and now his beloved was gone.

He didn't know what to do.

He'd wandered aimlessly around the city, only returning to the temple to sleep and not willing to speak to the other monks. It was an abandonment of his duties there, but he... he couldn't handle that right now. He wanted time to himself, to deal with his failure.

Issei barely registered that he was in the woods. All that mattered was that he was alone.]

Comments

[unknownrival]

...do you hate me?

[croibhristeoir]

Should I...?

[unknownrival]

I don't know. I don't decide your feelings. If you hate me, that's your right.

[croibhristeoir]

Of course you can...I don't do anything without someone else's direction...don't do or say or feel anything for myself. It's all for someone else. For you...for Grainne...for everyone else but myself.

[unknownrival]

That's not true. I've always wanted you to be your own person. You were never just my Servant.

[croibhristeoir]

I wanted...to be. I just wanted...to be a Servant. To be a knight...to serve someone with absolute loyalty.

Doesn't matter now. It never mattered...nothing matters. I never wanted anything for myself...now I am nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing but a hateful spirit.

[unknownrival]

...Diarmuid. What are you here to do?

[He doesn't care at this point what it is. If it makes his Lancer happy, what's left of him, he'll do it.]

[croibhristeoir]

Don't know...haven't decided. Of course...I can't decide anything. Can't stay...don't want to leave.

[unknownrival]

Whatever you decide to do... I'll support you. Even if there's only a tiny part of my beloved left in you. I can't bring myself to act against you.

[croibhristeoir]

...No. No...that is not how things have to be.

I am...a being of solitude. That is...what it is...what I am. What I should be.

[unknownrival]

That's too bad. I - Diarmuid Ua Duibhne is someone I have pledged my love to. I won't let even the small part of him that's in you be alone while I still live.

[croibhristeoir]

Why am I...here? Why...did I come back?

Issei...Ryudo-dono...did I want to kill you? I don't know.

[unknownrival]

If you want to kill me, then go ahead, I won't fight you. But I can't decide what you want.

[croibhristeoir]

I don't decide anything for myself. I'm just a puppet...yours, the Grail's, the shadow's. A puppet...can't decide what it wants...how it moves.

[unknownrival]

You were never my puppet. And I don't believe you're incapable of wanting things now.

[croibhristeoir]

No...I don't want anything. I am just a shadow, just a spirit...there's nothing I should want. Nothing but to do what...others order me to.

[unknownrival]

...You know I can't accept that, if you know me at all. And no one has known me better.

[croibhristeoir]

Why don't you...see what I've become? Shouldn't you be...revolted at the state I've fallen to? You should be afraid...that you're going to die.

[unknownrival]

After failing you like that?

I don't care if I die. Losing you is worse.

[croibhristeoir]

Failure...I am the only failure here. I have always been...a failure.

[unknownrival]

No. No, you're not. You made me very, very happy. I could never have asked for more.

[croibhristeoir]

What does it matter anymore? I can't...go back. I am not who...you want me to be. Not Diarmuid, not one of the Fianna. I am...and yet I can never be again.

[unknownrival]

I don't care. I'll take what little I can get.

[croibhristeoir]

I won't...let you stay. I do not know why...but I can not let you.

[unknownrival]

Do what you want.

[This will be the end of him, but he's willing to accept that.]