Continuation for bandagedheart.

[thesettingsun]

[Very few people get this dressed up for a bar crawl. It looks like it'd be hell to wash, and the only reason you'd wear it out to the bar is an obsession with fashion.

So that's one clue about who this patron sitting at a table is, since he forgot to tell other-Dazai how to identify himself. As for him, when he sees Dazai come in with bandages visible on his arms, he makes an (incorrect) assumption that this is the injury that caused that text and thus this is Dazai.

Well, he's half right, at least.]

Dazai!

Comments

[bandagedheart]

Sit down.

[Dazai pats the cushion next to him, expression unreadable.]

Didn’t I say not to leave the apartment?

[thesettingsun]

[Shuji sits down next to Dazai, leaving a little space between them.]

You did.

[bandagedheart]

And you disobeyed.

[He notices the small distance with a frown.]

Why?

[thesettingsun]

Odasaku got seriously sick and wanted me to come.

[No further justifications. No begging, no pretending he didn't know what he was doing.]

[bandagedheart]

And you didn’t think to simply tell me first?

[A sigh.]

Do you think I would’ve been heartless enough to forbid you seeing him? I would’ve taken you there myself.

[thesettingsun]

I didn't think to.

[He didn't think of anything besides being too late last time, but now that he knows Oda isn't dying-

Knowing that he could have easily avoided Dazai's anger just makes him feel worse.]

[bandagedheart]

What if you had gotten hurt? I would’ve had no idea where you were.

[Perhaps surprisingly, Dazai’s touch is soft as he pets Shuji’s hair.]

I’ve lost someone dear to me by not being there for them. I do understand, Shuji-kun. But you should also understand that I can’t let this slide. I wonder if that makes you think I’m cruel.

[thesettingsun]

[Shuji can't help but lean into Dazai's touch, but when he says that...]

Of course not! I'll accept whatever punishment you give me!

[It's Dazai's right as his master, after all. And whatever Shuji's reasons where and how much Dazai understands them, he disobeyed his orders.]

[bandagedheart]

Will you?

[Dazai sighs, looking exhausted.]

What kind of punishment do you think fits your crimes?

[thesettingsun]

I don't know.

[It's honest. And besides that, Shuji thinks any punishment he could come up for himself would by default be lighter than what he deserves.]

I wouldn't make a very good master. Definitely not like you.

[Whatever it is, Shuji will bear it, if that's what he has to do for his master's forgiveness.]

[bandagedheart]

Hmm...then I think your punishment will be no pleasure at all for a week. Maybe longer, depending on your behavior.

[What a terrible sentence.]

[thesettingsun]

As you wish.

[Of course it's going to be difficult, considering how often Shuji normally seeks pleasure from his master. But it wouldn't be a fitting punishment if it wasn't difficult.

He'll learn from this not to disobey Dazai again.]

[bandagedheart]

Then it’s settled.

[Dazai will throw Shuji a bone by patting his head, though.]

Is your friend all right now?

[thesettingsun]

His condition's improving. He should be fine in a couple days.

[Shuji leans into Dazai's hand, but his mood is still gloomy. It always is, when he thinks about-]

When I was still alive, Odasaku fell sick and called for me, but by the time my train arrived he'd already passed away.

[So maybe he panicked at the thought of being too late again.]

[bandagedheart]

I see.

[Dazai brushes Shuji’s bangs out of his face and presses a gentle kiss to his forehead.]

I know what it’s like to arrive too late to save someone.

[thesettingsun]

I-it's not like I could have saved him from tuberculosis even if I'd arrived earlier.

[Why is his voice shaking? Why are tears stinging his eyes?]

I just - I wanted more time with him. Even if it was just a little more before he passed away... Even if it was just a minute longer...!

[Why is he clinging to Dazai and sobbing into his chest?]

[bandagedheart]

Shuji-kun...

[Dazai isn’t the best at comforting people, because more often than not he ends up giving in to his own melancholy, but right now he thinks that all Shuji really needs is a few gentle touches and some reassuring words.]

It’s all right.

[His own Odasaku had died in his arms. He knows how badly the loss of someone you care for can feel.]

I only punished you for disobeying. Not for caring about Odasaku.

[thesettingsun]

Thank you, master...

[As much as he says Dazai is his entire world - as much as he believes it - it's impossible for him to completely stop caring about other people. Oda and Ango especially. No matter how much he loves his master, the rest of the decadent school will always be dear to him.]

I'm sorry.

[For disobeying, and for panicking so badly that he didn't even think to contact Dazai and ask permission to go.]

[bandagedheart]

Of course.

[So long as Shuji keeps in mind who his God is, and doesn’t seek another’s touch, Dazai will accept that he still cares for others.]

Your punishment still stands, but you can stay close to me like this.

[But there won’t be any hanky panky until Shuji begs for it on his knees.]

You’re much more caring than I am. The only person I loved before you is long dead.

[thesettingsun]

[Given that Shuji thinks he deserved to be punished here and hates going against Dazai's orders in normal circumstances, he won't be begging for that punishment to be lifted for a while. There's a small chance he could outlast Dazai himself.]

...Your Odasaku. Right?

[bandagedheart]

Yes. I was too late to save him. It’s one of the few regrets I have in my life.

[He cards his fingers through Shuji’s hair with a sigh.]

I often wonder why the good die young and the wicked are left to linger. It hardly seems fair, hmm?

[thesettingsun]

"Scoundrels don't die. The ones who die are always the gentle, sweet, and beautiful people."

[Shuji's gaze is far off. He remembers writing those lines as if he were at that writing desk now, and they're as true now as they were during his lifetime.]

It's unfair that when we've tried so many times to die and they've tried to live, they die before us.

[bandagedheart]

It is. But life has never been fair.

[He sighs before giving Shuji a sad little smile.]

Do you still want to die with me, Shuji-kun? Ours will be a most beautiful double suicide.

[thesettingsun]

Of course, master. Whenever you're ready, I'll die with you.

[Dying with someone he truly loves... nothing could possibly make him happier.]

[bandagedheart]

[Only Dazai would find that incredibly romantic.]

Someday. But not now.

[For now he’ll hold Shuji close. He’s the only precious person left to him now, after all.]

There’s no need to rush it.