crowspace | RECOLLE AU POST

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RECOLLE AU POST

Games are hard and we are all very tired, but I stil do want to play out Recolle things, both with the characters I actually had in the game and characters I thought of AUs for. So please consider this a CMO for whoever you want to play off of out of these choices:

Bungou to Alchemist

SHUJI TSUSHIMA

Took five million years to graduate college, but eventually managed it, and published a novel! Hates his past self and everything he stands for. Turned into a book spirit thing that bleeds ink, is dealing with that okay. Cynical, jaded to most unreality things after a couple years on the app. Thinks scythes are stupid weapons even if they do turn into books for easy travel size.

Dazai Osamu

Fate/Extra CCC

SHINJI MATOU

A small child who does not deserve this. Bratty, spoiled as an only child, but bright enough to back it up and doing his best. Has a presence in the online video gaming community without revealing that he's a child. Probably should not have remembered dying twice before the age of ten. Owns a robot with lasers.

Matou Shinji

Tales of Vesperia

DRORIT SHAPIRO

Significantly less anime hair. Still cheerful, still would Fite You if you messed with her friends, but a lot healthier and more conventionally loving relationship with her parents. Dad is a preschool teacher and not Whatever Yeager Is. A nice Jewish girl.

Droite

Fate/Zero

RYUUNOSUKE URYUU

Not a murderer, so there's that. Watches ultra realistic horror movies and would totally watch a snuff film if he had one, but doesn't have any urge to go out and kill people. A student of marine biology specializing in deep sea creatures, aka the most horrifying things on the planet. Most likely to excitedly post a picture of some terrifying thing on the network.

Uryuu Ryuunosuke

Hollow Knight

GREG "GRIMM" THOMPSON

Looks human up until he suddenly doesn't. Runs a circus troupe, but Greg isn't really an appopriate name for that so he goes by Grimm there. Much more flamboyant in the ring than out of it. Had a falling out with his sister, we don't talk about it. Gets Grimmchild as a regain and is pretty awkward about this being his child that looks nothing like him, or like a human at all, but still loves them and spoils them.

Grimm

The Miskatonic

ANNABEL "ANNIE" COOK

Came over from England but her accent isn't nearly as pronounced. A rebellious spirit with a bad relationship with her family. At some point makes a very panicked post about what to do if you suddenly have cravings and she's not saying they're cravings for eating people but they might be cravings for eating people. Learns to hang upside down from the ceiling and starts doing that all the time.

Nutty Annie

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He remembers.

Shuji never forgot a second of it. Not even a single word Mista said that day. It's too important, too precious to him. For Mista to forget that was-

But he remembers now, and Shuji was not at all prepared for this. He's tearing up already, and he's sure Mista can hear the sniffles on the other end.]

Of course, of course I did. You kept me safe, so I - I-

God, I missed you so much-

[He's crying. They're mostly good tears, he thinks.]

I missed you . . .

[But his voice trails off. He remembers missing Shuji. He remembers missing him with two parts of his brain: the part where the memories lived and were shut off, and the part that didn't remember but loved all the same. It's like trying to reconcile two lives lived at once, and it's already giving him a headache. He leans forward, closing his eyes and pressing the heel of his hand against his forehead.]

I missed you, [he says again, quieter this time.] Am I gonna forget again? Maybe I shouldn't have called. If I forget again it'll just hurt you. I shouldn't have said anything—

[Panic rises in his voice in a few quick beats. He's fucked up already, hasn't he — he's made Shuji hurt all over again, in some incomprehensible future where he doesn't remember any of this.]

You won't forget!

[The explanation comes out in a rush - the words can't get out of his mouth quickly enough, the need to reassure Mista overpowering.]

We found out who was causing the forgetting and we stopped him, and now everybody who's forgotten is getting their memories back, and nobody will forget anymore. It's okay now. It's really, really going to be okay.

I want - I need to see you. Can I come over, are you still...?

[At that apartment, that was so long their apartment.]

[Oh.]

[There's a part of him that doubts Shuji. There shouldn't be. But — Shuji went too far last time, didn't he? He went too far and took on too much to stay with Mista, even when it was bad for him. If there's a chance to get back with him, would Shuji lie to him? Would Shuji say he definitely won't forget, even if there's a chance?]

[Mista hesitates. He hates everything that he's thinking. But he has to be sure. They can't do this again.]

I want you to. I want you to, but—

Shuji, you promise, right? There's no way I'll forget again. Zero percent chance. I need you to promise, 'cause I can't do that again, I can't. It hurts.

[The memories, he means. The strange, confusing, awful memories. He can see them through so many filters now; the pain of losing Shuji was, for some time, just pain and confusion, but now it's pain and confusion and guilt, because he knows exactly what he did. He can't do it again, it's too awful.]

I swear it. There's zero percent chance.

[Vanderweele is super dead, but nothing about murdering a guy is romantic, even if he most definitely deserved it.]

I promise you won't forget, and I won't forget, and we can be happy.

[Mista probably would find it romantic. Or at least a huge relief. He still hasn't even begun to wrap his mind around the idea that someone did all of that, on purpose, but once he does he'll be furious. Death is too good for somebody who fucks with people like that.]

[For now, though.]

[He hesitates. But he can't doubt a promise like that. He thinks Shuji might stretch the truth to make them both happy, but he doesn't think Shuji would lie outright. Not like this.]

[Unseen on the other end of the line, his shoulders sag in exhausted, overwhelmed relief.]

Yeah. Yeah, you should come over.

. . . Please come over. I'm still where you left me. [It's supposed to be a joke, but it comes out flat and hollow and lonely. He misses Shuji so much. He has this whole time.]

Fifteen minutes. [Shuji wishes he could be there quicker, but even with him hurrying to throw on his shoes and rush out the door - Mista can probably hear that he's straight-up running - he can't solve the problem of the library not being right next to Mista's apartment.

Also it's kind of hard to talk and run at the same time, so although Shuji's still on the line he probably won't be talking much. Not until he gets to Mista's door and knocks.

It's probably unnecessary to knock given that he's still on the line and could just say that he's here, but Shuji is not very smart.]

[He stays on the line. Which is silly in its own way. He could just hang up and Shuji'd probably be able to get over to his apartment faster. But he's missed hearing his voice, even just the sound of his breath. It's such a small thing, but it makes his breath catch in his throat.]

[Truthfully, the longer he hears Shuji run, the more choked up he gets. It doesn't feel real. He has to keep insisting to himself in his own head that it is, that it's not somebody else's memories he's living, that this really, really is happening.]

[And then he hears Shuji running up the stairs. And then he hears Shuji knocking, through the phone and at the door. And he's at the door before he recognizes that he's gotten to it and wrenched it open, phone abandoned on the couch.]

[And Shuji is there.]

[He's crying. Just bawling, the floodgates finally open because Shuji's here, actually really here, and he remembers everything, and it hurts, but Shuji is so, so fucking beautiful. Here with him again, finally, where he belongs.]

[Less than a second passes, honestly, between him pulling the door open and grabbing Shuji by the waist, lifting him up in the tightest hug he can manage. It feels like it takes longer, like it takes forever before Shuji's tight in his arms. Shuji smells good. He feels good. Mista's still crying, hot and heavy and disjointed, bottled up for months and finally free.]

[Shuji could have hung up, but he couldn't stand to be separated from Mista even for a second. When Mista is there, hugging him tightly-

Shuji drops his phone and doesn't even notice. It's not important. It's not nearly as important as squeezing Mista in return and burying his face in Mista's shoulder.]

Mista, Mista, I love you-

[It's been so, so long since he was able to say that. Far too long when he's thought it every single day.]

[He gasps, wordless and sobbing, face pressed against Shuji's shoulder. His fingers are digging in tight to Shuji, clutching him wherever he can reach. He should let go, he should be more gentle, but he feels like he's been drowning and this is the first breath of air he's had in months. He's so confused, but Shuji of all things in this weird fucked-up backwards situation makes sense.]

'M sorry, [he mumbles out, breathless, helpless.] 'M sorry, Shu, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to forget — don't let me forget again, I love you, I need you—

[It's so — even now it doesn't feel fair to say. It feels like too much. But Shuji missed him. Shuji loves him. So maybe, probably, it's okay after all.]

[His heart's breaking in the best way.]

Never. You'll never forget again.

[Shuji's holding on just as tightly, clinging like if he lets go then Mista might disappear.]

I'll never, ever leave you again, I promise.

[He's crying and smiling and pressing his lips against the collar of Mista's shirt.]

[Shuji's mouth against his shirt makes his heart hurt. It's so — soft, sweet, so familiar but so missed. He loves everything about Shuji, but his kisses are the gentlest and kindest part of him. It's been hard to live without them.]

[He buries his face in Shuji's neck and breathes in deep the smell of him, fond and desperate for it, like a drowning man in the desert.]

We should— [He laughs, almost choking on it.] Can we go inside? My neighbors are gonna call the cops if we keep making noise like this out here.

[But he doesn't want to let Shuji go, so? Inside is probably the best option.]

Right, inside. Definitely.

[But he doesn't want to let go of Mista either, even for a second, which leads to a kind of crab walking through the doorway. They look ridiculous. Shuji doesn't care.]

[They look really stupid and he absolutely doesn't give a shit. He'd so much rather look stupid than let go of Shuji even for a second. He's overwhelmed and needy and he can't be overwhelmed and needy enough in the hallway, so fuck the hallway. Dragging Shuji inside as best he can, he kicks the door shut and hauls Shuji over to the couch, dragging him down next to him.]

Shuji.

[His face goes right back where it was, nuzzled up against Shuji's neck.]

I hate this stupid apartment without you. It's shit. It missed you, too.

[His eyes blink open, peering at nothing over Shuji's shoulder. The back of the couch, maybe. His arms come to loop around Shuji's waist.]

I've been so fuckin' worried about you. I couldn't remember why, but I remember now . . . What's been happening? You been okay, or . . . ?

[He remembers: Shuji trying to walk into the ocean. Memories in the middle of the night. Lots of tears. Lots of exhaustion. His grip tightens, fierce and protective.]

[Shuji falls with him onto the couch, holding onto him just as tightly.]

It's been... it's been a lot.

[He wouldn't even know where to start with all the months Mista missed. He'd have to spend hours explaining everything, and he doesn't want to when there are more important things to say.

He gives Mista a squeeze.]

But it's okay now. As long as I'm in your arms, everything is okay.

Hey. That's not true.

[Reluctantly, he pulls back, takes Shuji's face in both hands, and looks at him, level and serious. Worried, so much so that a sharp line forms between his brows.]

It doesn't make everything okay just because I'm here, Shu. I can be your hero and still not fix everything. Last time you were in my arms, you were still miserable, 'cause other things weren't right.

You don't have to talk about it now. But I'm here now. You can talk about it now, whenever you need to. I'm serious.

[Mista is so good, so perfect in every way even when he's acknowledging his imperfection. Even though Mista's worried, because Mista's worried, it makes Shuji smile.]

...It's been a lot of things, and I'll talk about it later, I promise. But it'll take a long time to get through everything, and right now all I want to do is hold you and kiss you again.

Better?

. . . Yeah.

[With a sigh of relief, he leans back against the back of the couch, the muscles of his shoulders losing their tension. For a moment he just regards Shuji with . . . pride, it's pride more than anything. This has to have been hard as hell for him, all of it, but he's stayed so strong.]

[And then what Shuji's actually said sinks in. He blinks.]

Kiss me? We can. I can kiss you? [He looks like he might cry again.]

[It's been hard as hell, and sometimes Shuji doesn't believe that he's gotten through all of it. That he could be ever strong enough to get through all of it, even if that's what he had to be.

It'll sink in soon. Having Mista by his side will help, even if he can't fix everything just like that.]

You can. I want you to.

[And Shuji wants to kiss him, but also he wants Mista to kiss him first. A dilemma.]

[Trauma is like that, sometimes. Sometimes you have to be so far on the other side of it you can't see it anymore before you even begin to heal. It'll take Mista a while, too, because — there's so much of it that doesn't feel real yet, let alone the fact that it's over.]

[Shuji, though. Shuji's real. Shuji's here.]

[And Mista's nervous. He could kick himself for it, he knows it's dumb, but nonetheless.]

I want to.

I've wanted to kiss you this whole time. I saw you out at the mall a couple times and I had to leave 'cause all I could think about was kissing you. I felt like an asshole.

[Honestly, it might be easier for Shuji to just kiss him. He's stalling. Mista.exe is shutting down.]

[It's dumb, but it's also probably the most relatable thing that could possibly happen. Shuji has thought about kissing him too, whenever he catches a glimpse - even though he was the asshole for breaking up with Mista in the first place, even though he knew better than anyone why they had to break things off.

But things are different now. ...Except that they're both useless homosexuals, that's the same, but besides that.

Slowly, carefully, he leans in to kiss Mista as gently as their first kiss. It's been so long, there's nothing he'd rather do than just savor being able to kiss Mista again. He could kiss Mista for hours. Maybe he will.]

[Shuji kisses him.]

[The sound he makes against Shuji's mouth is complicated. It's something like a whimper, but not quite, too relieved and too happy to be anything so desperate; he finds himself shivering briefly, head to toe, at the familiar, long-missed softness of Shuji's lips against his. He's a mess of gratitude and sorrow and need and love, and a hundred other things, all for Shuji, only for Shuji.]

[This is why they had to stay away from each other before. This was inevitable, even back when it wouldn't have been smart. They gravitate towards each other. They always find each other in the end.]

[His fingers creep up to rest on Shuji's knee, clinging to the fabric of his pants. One kiss ends, he thinks, but he starts another immediately, so--it barely matters, really.]

[One of their rare few good decisions, staying away from each other. Even when they knew why they couldn't do this, all they would've wanted to do was this.

Shuji clutches Mista's shoulders, melting into the second (third, fourth) kiss. He thinks he starts to cry again, but his only concern about that is that Mista might feel it and get concerned, when they're tears of happiness and relief. There's nothing to be concerned about any more.

He lets go of Mista's shirt to try to wipe his eyes without stopping kissing. It's ridiculous and awkward, which suits them. But he wouldn't have it any other way.]

[This time, Mista isn't worried about Shuji crying. He sort of expected it. He's sort of teary himself. He's managing to hold back tears only through force of will because he doesn't want to get snot on Shuji's mouth — but when he feels wetness on Shuji's cheeks, his fingers curl tighter in Shuji's pants for a moment before he lifts his hand to push Shuji's hand away, to wipe the tears from his cheeks himself.]

[Because he wants to. Because he's meant to be here, wiping the tears away with the swipe of a thumb across Shuji's cheek. Because he can do that and kiss Shuji again at the same time, brows furrowed in needy concentration as he adjusts the angle slightly. He just — wants to take care of Shuji so much right now. It almost hurts how much. Like walking into the sunlight with your eyes wide open when you've been in pitch black darkness for years.]

I missed you.

[His voice is raw, words mumbled clumsily against Shuji's mouth. Even once he's wiped all the tears away, his hand stays where it is, cupping Shuji's jaw and running a thumb along his cheekbone.]

I missed this. God, how'd I live without this?

[It's been a long time since Shuji could ask Mista to take care of him. Run to him and say I remembered something bad or unreality did this shitty thing and have Mista really understand what he meant.

He doesn't know how he lived without this, either. He feels like it's as vital to him as air.]

I don't know. I didn't think I would make it without you.

[But even when Mista wasn't there, he kept going. It's what Mista told him, long ago.]

There's so much I want to tell you. So much I wanted to tell you about when it happened.

[If only there was any way for Mista to believe him then.]

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