crowspace | RECOLLE AU POST

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RECOLLE AU POST

Games are hard and we are all very tired, but I stil do want to play out Recolle things, both with the characters I actually had in the game and characters I thought of AUs for. So please consider this a CMO for whoever you want to play off of out of these choices:

Bungou to Alchemist

SHUJI TSUSHIMA

Took five million years to graduate college, but eventually managed it, and published a novel! Hates his past self and everything he stands for. Turned into a book spirit thing that bleeds ink, is dealing with that okay. Cynical, jaded to most unreality things after a couple years on the app. Thinks scythes are stupid weapons even if they do turn into books for easy travel size.

Dazai Osamu

Fate/Extra CCC

SHINJI MATOU

A small child who does not deserve this. Bratty, spoiled as an only child, but bright enough to back it up and doing his best. Has a presence in the online video gaming community without revealing that he's a child. Probably should not have remembered dying twice before the age of ten. Owns a robot with lasers.

Matou Shinji

Tales of Vesperia

DRORIT SHAPIRO

Significantly less anime hair. Still cheerful, still would Fite You if you messed with her friends, but a lot healthier and more conventionally loving relationship with her parents. Dad is a preschool teacher and not Whatever Yeager Is. A nice Jewish girl.

Droite

Fate/Zero

RYUUNOSUKE URYUU

Not a murderer, so there's that. Watches ultra realistic horror movies and would totally watch a snuff film if he had one, but doesn't have any urge to go out and kill people. A student of marine biology specializing in deep sea creatures, aka the most horrifying things on the planet. Most likely to excitedly post a picture of some terrifying thing on the network.

Uryuu Ryuunosuke

Hollow Knight

GREG "GRIMM" THOMPSON

Looks human up until he suddenly doesn't. Runs a circus troupe, but Greg isn't really an appopriate name for that so he goes by Grimm there. Much more flamboyant in the ring than out of it. Had a falling out with his sister, we don't talk about it. Gets Grimmchild as a regain and is pretty awkward about this being his child that looks nothing like him, or like a human at all, but still loves them and spoils them.

Grimm

The Miskatonic

ANNABEL "ANNIE" COOK

Came over from England but her accent isn't nearly as pronounced. A rebellious spirit with a bad relationship with her family. At some point makes a very panicked post about what to do if you suddenly have cravings and she's not saying they're cravings for eating people but they might be cravings for eating people. Learns to hang upside down from the ceiling and starts doing that all the time.

Nutty Annie

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[There's a lot. There's ages to go through. Memories that made him hate Dazai more, memories that made him hate Dazai less. There's the issue of Dazai having kids, but that's not one to bring up immediately after getting back together with your boyfriend, he thinks.

But the most pressing one is-]

I almost killed people. Not Dazai. Me.

[That, above all, has weighed heavy on his heart.]

[Oh.]

[Mista's expression goes grave. Not judgmental, though. It never could be. Not with Shuji, no matter what. It's kind of a blind spot, for Mista.]

[Still — he knows it's important. He can tell from Shuji's face that it's been eating at him. So he's quiet for a moment, letting it settle for them both, before asking:]

Why?

["The last time someone made this kind of confession to me it was that they had actually directly killed somebody."

"Don't tell me you're still friends with that person...?"

Of course he is, because it's Mista. And the same applies in reverse.]

October I turned into a demon. Horns, wings, the works. And I forgot why I shouldn't murder people over being rude to my friends.

It's not something I'd do normally, but - it was still me, Mista. Those were my feelings.

[He knows, because he was fine with murdering the person who did this to all of them for much longer than October.]

[That's kind of the problem. With his memories back, Mista remembers exactly what it felt like to kill people and not feel bad over it. To feel that it was the righteous thing to do. He remembers warm gunmetal in his hands and smoke in the air and blood, and not feeling bad. So to him as he is now . . . yeah, he can see it. The people who did this to all of them, he could see how they might deserve to die.]

[But at the same time, he knows that's not Shuji. Shuji isn't the type of person who can compartmentalize like that, who looks at someone doing bad things and thinks that the solution is to deal with them so they won't hurt anyone again. Shuji isn't the type of person to hurt someone, period. Mista knows all of this as well as he knows himself.]

[It's hard to keep all of this in mind and also keep himself from blurting out the fact that the demon thing is kind of hot, but he manages it. Somehow.]

They were your feelings, but you didn't act on 'em. That's the bottom line. Everybody's got feelings that they don't like.

[They can talk about their monsterfucking tendencies some other time.]

I acted on them.

[If that weren't the case, then Mista's words would be the right words. Shuji could forgive himself for wanting to do things - even the kindest person can't say they've never thought of doing something cruel.

Sometimes, Shuji thinks Mista sees him as kinder than he really is.]

I had my scythe in my hands. If I hadn't been stopped, people would be dead, Mista.

[Oh.]

[People would be dead . . . He can't imagine it. He can't imagine Shuji killing someone. But then, he knows better than Shuji does that he isn't Dazai. Maybe that means having more faith in Shuji than Shuji has in himself, but so what? If that's his lot in life, it could be a lot fucking worse.]

Shuji, [he begins, and takes Shuji's face in his hands. Careful, slow, deliberate.] You just said it yourself. It wasn't something you'd do normally. You couldn't remember why people don't do that kind of thing. Why we don't just go around hurting other people when we're mad.

I get why you're scared. I do. But in your right mind, in your mind, you'd never hurt anyone. It was a nasty fucking trick played on you, but that doesn't make it you. The reason you're so upset over it is 'cause you wouldn't do that. Because you know you wouldn't, and having something change you that much is fucking terrifying.

[Mista's always here to believe in him. When Shuji loses faith in himself, Mista props him up. As much as Shuji adores Mista and thinks he can do no wrong, Mista thinks the same of him.

Despite everything that's happened to him, he's the luckiest man in the world.]

Mista... I missed you so much, I missed this so much. God, I don't know how I survived without you-

[He's tearing up, not even attempting to wipe them away when the tears start to fall down his cheeks.]

We're going to be okay, aren't we?

[He wants to say it with more confidence, but it's hard to sound completely certain while you're crying.]

Yeah.

[It's maybe a dumb thing to say when you really don't know. And he doesn't. Not logically. But in his heart? Yeah, he knows. They're gonna be okay.]

[Sometimes he has more faith than common sense. It works out for him, though. The universe knows exactly how unwavering he is in loving Shuji; it knows that no matter how much shit gets thrown at them, Mista won't give up. Eventually, the universe figured it out, he thinks. That there's no point putting more things in their way.]

We're gonna be perfect, Shu, [he says, and wipes Shuji's cheeks clean with his thumbs, and hauls him close so he can give him the tightest hug imaginable.] We're gonna be amazing.

[Shuji hugs back just as tightly, or maybe a little more so (thanks enhanced strength, he'll remember to keep that in check when he isn't crying).]

We're going to be the best boyfriends Recolle has ever seen.

[Did they actually confirm they were going back to dating? It was implied by the crying and the I love yous and I promise you won't be taken away from me again. Mista knows.

Shuji closes his eyes, and for a moment everything is right with the world.]

I love you so much.

I love you, too.

[He says, through creaking ribs. But he really doesn't mind. He doesn't mind the assumption, either, even if he's still a little scared. And he is still a little scared. There's a part of him that will always hate himself for leaving Shuji alone in all of this, for forgetting even for a moment how they got together and everything they've gone through together. But that part of him just isn't as big as the part of him that loves Shuji with all of his heart. The part that loves Shuji is all of his heart, which is enormous.]

[He runs his fingers through the hair at the nape of Shuji's neck, eyes going soft and distant.]

I can't believe you didn't . . . find somebody else, I guess. [Better than me.] Somebody who didn't forget. Do all your friends hate me for it?

[It's good that Mista didn't voice that other part, because no such person exists. There's no one who could ever be better than Mista.]

Of course not. If they hated you they wouldn't be my friends.

[Mostly they had been sad. Sad that Shuji was hurting, sad that two people who loved each other so much still couldn't overcome Retrospec tearing their relationship apart. Sad, but understanding that this wasn't either of their faults.

It's not like there hadn't been other options. Shuji knows at least two people who'd been nursing crushes on him that he only ever found out about because of alcohol or a curse that would literally kill them if they didn't say. (God, and he tried to matchmake for Oda, he's an idiot.)

But there's only ever been one Mista.

Shuji loosens his grip a little.]

I'm the one who should be saying that to you, you know. Considering.

[He dumped Mista and Mista couldn't remember exactly why.]

[He huffs out a laugh. It's not really funny, but he laughs anyway.]

I guess. I don't know. I . . .

[Trying to remember now is difficult, because he remembers. He can fill in the gaps that his other self couldn't, so he can rationalize things a lot better. Before he remembered, it was just raw, blind pain.]

I didn't remember why. I remembered I was mad at you, but more than that, it was like &mdahs; I remembered it was my fault. That it was something about me that was making you hurt. That's . . .

[He sits back, sniffing a little, and swipes at his eyes with the heel of his hand.]

I couldn't remember what it was that I'd done to hurt you, but I remembered what you looked like that day. When you said we had to break up. I remembered how fucked up you were that day. How bad it hurt you. I couldn't get over that. I couldn't find somebody else if I thought I'd hurt them like I hurt you. And anyway, I loved you. I love you. I'll always love you.

[With a faint smile, he shows Shuji the knuckles of his right hand, in the yellowing stage of bruising.]

I got into barfights, when I couldn't quit thinking about how I couldn't remember it. Otherwise it just . . . hurt, I guess. But there was never gonna be anybody else.

[It's not funny at all. Shuji's expression just turns more and more pained as he listens to Mista talk, sees the bruises on his knuckles.

Without thinking he reaches to take Mista's hand in his, to kiss every one of those bruises. It won't take the pain away, he knows, but it's something he has to do when the love of his life was hurting.]

It wasn't your fault. I never blamed you, not even for a second.

[Even if Mista blamed himself, continues to blame himself, Shuji will remind him of that.]

You're the love of my life. It could never be anybody but you.

[Shuji kisses his knuckles. There's nothing else he should have expected Shuji to do, really; that's his boyfriend all over. Something hurts, and he reaches out to fix it in whatever way he can.]

[There's this thought Mista's heard other people express before, that saying I love you too often means it loses its meaning. He can't agree. Every time he says it, he feels it growing stronger. Every time he thinks it, it grows.]

It's—

[He bites his lip; twists his fingers out of Shuji's hands to take hold of his chin and tip it up, so they're close. Not close enough, but close.]

It could never be anybody but us. Right? 'Cause we found each other again, like this, it — it means something.

[Like he's desperately pleading for Shuji to agree with him. Except he doesn't need to beg. He knows they're on the same level here.]

[Quietly, just quiet enough for the space between them:] I wanna kiss you all night and not stop. Can I do that?

Yeah.

[A breath in the small space that separates him from Mista. If they even are separate, because it could never be anybody but them.]

We've spent way too much time not kissing. I don't want to stop kissing you for weeks.

[And to start off, he crosses the little distance that remains between their lips. Soft and sweet and gentle.]

[It feels like their first kiss all over again.]

[That's ridiculous and sentimental to think, but he's nothing but ridiculous and sentimental. And anyway, it's true. Shuji is so soft against him, not quite tentative but slow and sweet in the way he moves, waiting for Mista's response and responding to that in turn.]

[At the same time, it's not like their first kiss at all, because they know each other so well now. Months of separation don't mean he's any less aware of what Shuji's mouth feels like against his, or the taste of his breath. Maybe it's more like . . .]

[He believes in reincarnation. He believes in soulmates, through lives and time and forever. So this feels like he's died and come back to life and found Shuji there again, waiting for him — waiting for him to fall into his arms again. This is the first kiss and the millionth all at once, this one where he wraps one hand around the back of Shuji's neck to steady him and hold him close, this one that makes his breath catch and his brows furrow with the sheer force and feeling of it.]

I missed you so bad.

[It's not the same as the way he's said it before, pressed against Shuji's lips in a half-whisper, half-groan; he knows he'll be understood. Even in the time spent apart, want crackled between them like ungrounded electricity. If he saw Shuji hundreds of yards away, it was just like he had Shuji's whole body pressed up against his, close and soft and wanting. It was always just like that.]

[It's not the same at all, and Shuji understands.]

Me too.

[When Shuji pulls back and stands, it's to scoop Mista off the couch into his arms. He wonders if Mista remembers that he could do that, but he doesn't think he'll mind too much either way. Not when Shuji's princess carrying him to his room - no, their room.]

[He definitely did not remember that Shuji could do this. All of a sudden Shuji's scooped him up, and he's held close to Shuji's chest, arms automatically locking around the back of Shuji's neck.]

Holy shit.

[This . . . is hot. Suddenly bright red, he buries his hand in Shuji's hair and kisses him hard. They might run into the wall as a result, but this is important.]

[Kissing is extremely important. Shuji kisses back, although he does slow his walk to reduce the risk of running into a wall. That would be unsexy.

They make it to the bedroom without collisions, somehow, and Shuji carely lowers Mista onto their bed.]

[He's desperate before they get even halfway there, yanking hungrily at Shuji's hair and running blunt nails down the back of his neck. Then his back hits the bed (gently, gently, because Shuji's always so fucking good to him), and he takes in a sharp breath as he tips his chin up to look at Shuji.]

[His gaze is blatantly wanting, lips slightly parted and pupils blown as he leans up to meet Shuji halfway with another kiss. Biting down light on his bottom lip, he breaks away to tug his own sweater off, because honestly? Fuck this.]

Fuck me up against a wall sometime, okay? [Not right now. Bed's good for now. But—] That's fuckin' hot.

Next time. [It only hits him while he's yanking his own shirt off - clothes are overrated - that they will have a next time. They can do this together, over and over again.] Mista...

[He has to kiss Mista again, right now. Undressing further gets put on hold for that - his shirt is still half hanging off one arm, but he has to kiss Mista right now. So he does.]

Yeah—

[He meets Shuji’s kiss eagerly, lips parted and breath quick; groans into it and grabs Shuji’s hand to set it on his chest, lays his own over top and squeezes lightly, encouraging.]

C’mon. [Another kiss, quick and eager and messy.] You have no idea how many times I wanted this.

[Except Shuji probably does. Definitely does. Which makes it better in a way, and worse in a way.]

About as many times as I did.

[It's worse/better. That they were separated for so long while still wanting each other, and that they still wanted each other.

He squeezes Mista's hand in return, before managing to get his shirt off the rest of the way.]

Have I told you lately how gorgeous you are?

[He huffs out a laugh, leans in and kisses Shuji affectionately, reaching up with his other hand to run it through his hair.]

Nah, but — I know you were thinkin' it.

[This whole time. He slides his hand up Shuji's stomach and chest to curl around the back of his neck and pull him down.]

You're such a babe, babe.

Never as much as you.

[Shuji wraps his arms around Mista's back, cuddled up close so that theeir chests are skin to skin.]

Handsome, gorgeous, perfect.

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RECOLLE AU POST

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