crowspace | RECOLLE AU POST

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RECOLLE AU POST

Games are hard and we are all very tired, but I stil do want to play out Recolle things, both with the characters I actually had in the game and characters I thought of AUs for. So please consider this a CMO for whoever you want to play off of out of these choices:

Bungou to Alchemist

SHUJI TSUSHIMA

Took five million years to graduate college, but eventually managed it, and published a novel! Hates his past self and everything he stands for. Turned into a book spirit thing that bleeds ink, is dealing with that okay. Cynical, jaded to most unreality things after a couple years on the app. Thinks scythes are stupid weapons even if they do turn into books for easy travel size.

Dazai Osamu

Fate/Extra CCC

SHINJI MATOU

A small child who does not deserve this. Bratty, spoiled as an only child, but bright enough to back it up and doing his best. Has a presence in the online video gaming community without revealing that he's a child. Probably should not have remembered dying twice before the age of ten. Owns a robot with lasers.

Matou Shinji

Tales of Vesperia

DRORIT SHAPIRO

Significantly less anime hair. Still cheerful, still would Fite You if you messed with her friends, but a lot healthier and more conventionally loving relationship with her parents. Dad is a preschool teacher and not Whatever Yeager Is. A nice Jewish girl.

Droite

Fate/Zero

RYUUNOSUKE URYUU

Not a murderer, so there's that. Watches ultra realistic horror movies and would totally watch a snuff film if he had one, but doesn't have any urge to go out and kill people. A student of marine biology specializing in deep sea creatures, aka the most horrifying things on the planet. Most likely to excitedly post a picture of some terrifying thing on the network.

Uryuu Ryuunosuke

Hollow Knight

GREG "GRIMM" THOMPSON

Looks human up until he suddenly doesn't. Runs a circus troupe, but Greg isn't really an appopriate name for that so he goes by Grimm there. Much more flamboyant in the ring than out of it. Had a falling out with his sister, we don't talk about it. Gets Grimmchild as a regain and is pretty awkward about this being his child that looks nothing like him, or like a human at all, but still loves them and spoils them.

Grimm

The Miskatonic

ANNABEL "ANNIE" COOK

Came over from England but her accent isn't nearly as pronounced. A rebellious spirit with a bad relationship with her family. At some point makes a very panicked post about what to do if you suddenly have cravings and she's not saying they're cravings for eating people but they might be cravings for eating people. Learns to hang upside down from the ceiling and starts doing that all the time.

Nutty Annie

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Shuji's mouth against his shirt makes his heart hurt. It's so — soft, sweet, so familiar but so missed. He loves everything about Shuji, but his kisses are the gentlest and kindest part of him. It's been hard to live without them.]

[He buries his face in Shuji's neck and breathes in deep the smell of him, fond and desperate for it, like a drowning man in the desert.]

We should— [He laughs, almost choking on it.] Can we go inside? My neighbors are gonna call the cops if we keep making noise like this out here.

[But he doesn't want to let Shuji go, so? Inside is probably the best option.]

Right, inside. Definitely.

[But he doesn't want to let go of Mista either, even for a second, which leads to a kind of crab walking through the doorway. They look ridiculous. Shuji doesn't care.]

[They look really stupid and he absolutely doesn't give a shit. He'd so much rather look stupid than let go of Shuji even for a second. He's overwhelmed and needy and he can't be overwhelmed and needy enough in the hallway, so fuck the hallway. Dragging Shuji inside as best he can, he kicks the door shut and hauls Shuji over to the couch, dragging him down next to him.]

Shuji.

[His face goes right back where it was, nuzzled up against Shuji's neck.]

I hate this stupid apartment without you. It's shit. It missed you, too.

[His eyes blink open, peering at nothing over Shuji's shoulder. The back of the couch, maybe. His arms come to loop around Shuji's waist.]

I've been so fuckin' worried about you. I couldn't remember why, but I remember now . . . What's been happening? You been okay, or . . . ?

[He remembers: Shuji trying to walk into the ocean. Memories in the middle of the night. Lots of tears. Lots of exhaustion. His grip tightens, fierce and protective.]

[Shuji falls with him onto the couch, holding onto him just as tightly.]

It's been... it's been a lot.

[He wouldn't even know where to start with all the months Mista missed. He'd have to spend hours explaining everything, and he doesn't want to when there are more important things to say.

He gives Mista a squeeze.]

But it's okay now. As long as I'm in your arms, everything is okay.

Hey. That's not true.

[Reluctantly, he pulls back, takes Shuji's face in both hands, and looks at him, level and serious. Worried, so much so that a sharp line forms between his brows.]

It doesn't make everything okay just because I'm here, Shu. I can be your hero and still not fix everything. Last time you were in my arms, you were still miserable, 'cause other things weren't right.

You don't have to talk about it now. But I'm here now. You can talk about it now, whenever you need to. I'm serious.

[Mista is so good, so perfect in every way even when he's acknowledging his imperfection. Even though Mista's worried, because Mista's worried, it makes Shuji smile.]

...It's been a lot of things, and I'll talk about it later, I promise. But it'll take a long time to get through everything, and right now all I want to do is hold you and kiss you again.

Better?

. . . Yeah.

[With a sigh of relief, he leans back against the back of the couch, the muscles of his shoulders losing their tension. For a moment he just regards Shuji with . . . pride, it's pride more than anything. This has to have been hard as hell for him, all of it, but he's stayed so strong.]

[And then what Shuji's actually said sinks in. He blinks.]

Kiss me? We can. I can kiss you? [He looks like he might cry again.]

[It's been hard as hell, and sometimes Shuji doesn't believe that he's gotten through all of it. That he could be ever strong enough to get through all of it, even if that's what he had to be.

It'll sink in soon. Having Mista by his side will help, even if he can't fix everything just like that.]

You can. I want you to.

[And Shuji wants to kiss him, but also he wants Mista to kiss him first. A dilemma.]

[Trauma is like that, sometimes. Sometimes you have to be so far on the other side of it you can't see it anymore before you even begin to heal. It'll take Mista a while, too, because — there's so much of it that doesn't feel real yet, let alone the fact that it's over.]

[Shuji, though. Shuji's real. Shuji's here.]

[And Mista's nervous. He could kick himself for it, he knows it's dumb, but nonetheless.]

I want to.

I've wanted to kiss you this whole time. I saw you out at the mall a couple times and I had to leave 'cause all I could think about was kissing you. I felt like an asshole.

[Honestly, it might be easier for Shuji to just kiss him. He's stalling. Mista.exe is shutting down.]

[It's dumb, but it's also probably the most relatable thing that could possibly happen. Shuji has thought about kissing him too, whenever he catches a glimpse - even though he was the asshole for breaking up with Mista in the first place, even though he knew better than anyone why they had to break things off.

But things are different now. ...Except that they're both useless homosexuals, that's the same, but besides that.

Slowly, carefully, he leans in to kiss Mista as gently as their first kiss. It's been so long, there's nothing he'd rather do than just savor being able to kiss Mista again. He could kiss Mista for hours. Maybe he will.]

[Shuji kisses him.]

[The sound he makes against Shuji's mouth is complicated. It's something like a whimper, but not quite, too relieved and too happy to be anything so desperate; he finds himself shivering briefly, head to toe, at the familiar, long-missed softness of Shuji's lips against his. He's a mess of gratitude and sorrow and need and love, and a hundred other things, all for Shuji, only for Shuji.]

[This is why they had to stay away from each other before. This was inevitable, even back when it wouldn't have been smart. They gravitate towards each other. They always find each other in the end.]

[His fingers creep up to rest on Shuji's knee, clinging to the fabric of his pants. One kiss ends, he thinks, but he starts another immediately, so--it barely matters, really.]

[One of their rare few good decisions, staying away from each other. Even when they knew why they couldn't do this, all they would've wanted to do was this.

Shuji clutches Mista's shoulders, melting into the second (third, fourth) kiss. He thinks he starts to cry again, but his only concern about that is that Mista might feel it and get concerned, when they're tears of happiness and relief. There's nothing to be concerned about any more.

He lets go of Mista's shirt to try to wipe his eyes without stopping kissing. It's ridiculous and awkward, which suits them. But he wouldn't have it any other way.]

[This time, Mista isn't worried about Shuji crying. He sort of expected it. He's sort of teary himself. He's managing to hold back tears only through force of will because he doesn't want to get snot on Shuji's mouth — but when he feels wetness on Shuji's cheeks, his fingers curl tighter in Shuji's pants for a moment before he lifts his hand to push Shuji's hand away, to wipe the tears from his cheeks himself.]

[Because he wants to. Because he's meant to be here, wiping the tears away with the swipe of a thumb across Shuji's cheek. Because he can do that and kiss Shuji again at the same time, brows furrowed in needy concentration as he adjusts the angle slightly. He just — wants to take care of Shuji so much right now. It almost hurts how much. Like walking into the sunlight with your eyes wide open when you've been in pitch black darkness for years.]

I missed you.

[His voice is raw, words mumbled clumsily against Shuji's mouth. Even once he's wiped all the tears away, his hand stays where it is, cupping Shuji's jaw and running a thumb along his cheekbone.]

I missed this. God, how'd I live without this?

[It's been a long time since Shuji could ask Mista to take care of him. Run to him and say I remembered something bad or unreality did this shitty thing and have Mista really understand what he meant.

He doesn't know how he lived without this, either. He feels like it's as vital to him as air.]

I don't know. I didn't think I would make it without you.

[But even when Mista wasn't there, he kept going. It's what Mista told him, long ago.]

There's so much I want to tell you. So much I wanted to tell you about when it happened.

[If only there was any way for Mista to believe him then.]

Tell me now.

[He's still holding Shuji's face, just . . . enchanted by him. His eyes, the shape of his nose, the curve of his mouth. He knows Shuji's face practically better than his own by now. He has no idea how he lasted this long without looking at it, without touching it.]

[Without kissing it, obviously.]

You should tell me everything now. Tell me everything you think of that you wanna tell me, okay? 'Cause I'm always gonna be here now. I won't forget again, so you can tell me anything.

[He grins, a little tearfully.]

Even if you think it's little or I wouldn't care, you gotta tell me. I care a lot. I have a lot of Shuji to catch up on.

[There's a lot. There's ages to go through. Memories that made him hate Dazai more, memories that made him hate Dazai less. There's the issue of Dazai having kids, but that's not one to bring up immediately after getting back together with your boyfriend, he thinks.

But the most pressing one is-]

I almost killed people. Not Dazai. Me.

[That, above all, has weighed heavy on his heart.]

[Oh.]

[Mista's expression goes grave. Not judgmental, though. It never could be. Not with Shuji, no matter what. It's kind of a blind spot, for Mista.]

[Still — he knows it's important. He can tell from Shuji's face that it's been eating at him. So he's quiet for a moment, letting it settle for them both, before asking:]

Why?

["The last time someone made this kind of confession to me it was that they had actually directly killed somebody."

"Don't tell me you're still friends with that person...?"

Of course he is, because it's Mista. And the same applies in reverse.]

October I turned into a demon. Horns, wings, the works. And I forgot why I shouldn't murder people over being rude to my friends.

It's not something I'd do normally, but - it was still me, Mista. Those were my feelings.

[He knows, because he was fine with murdering the person who did this to all of them for much longer than October.]

[That's kind of the problem. With his memories back, Mista remembers exactly what it felt like to kill people and not feel bad over it. To feel that it was the righteous thing to do. He remembers warm gunmetal in his hands and smoke in the air and blood, and not feeling bad. So to him as he is now . . . yeah, he can see it. The people who did this to all of them, he could see how they might deserve to die.]

[But at the same time, he knows that's not Shuji. Shuji isn't the type of person who can compartmentalize like that, who looks at someone doing bad things and thinks that the solution is to deal with them so they won't hurt anyone again. Shuji isn't the type of person to hurt someone, period. Mista knows all of this as well as he knows himself.]

[It's hard to keep all of this in mind and also keep himself from blurting out the fact that the demon thing is kind of hot, but he manages it. Somehow.]

They were your feelings, but you didn't act on 'em. That's the bottom line. Everybody's got feelings that they don't like.

[They can talk about their monsterfucking tendencies some other time.]

I acted on them.

[If that weren't the case, then Mista's words would be the right words. Shuji could forgive himself for wanting to do things - even the kindest person can't say they've never thought of doing something cruel.

Sometimes, Shuji thinks Mista sees him as kinder than he really is.]

I had my scythe in my hands. If I hadn't been stopped, people would be dead, Mista.

[Oh.]

[People would be dead . . . He can't imagine it. He can't imagine Shuji killing someone. But then, he knows better than Shuji does that he isn't Dazai. Maybe that means having more faith in Shuji than Shuji has in himself, but so what? If that's his lot in life, it could be a lot fucking worse.]

Shuji, [he begins, and takes Shuji's face in his hands. Careful, slow, deliberate.] You just said it yourself. It wasn't something you'd do normally. You couldn't remember why people don't do that kind of thing. Why we don't just go around hurting other people when we're mad.

I get why you're scared. I do. But in your right mind, in your mind, you'd never hurt anyone. It was a nasty fucking trick played on you, but that doesn't make it you. The reason you're so upset over it is 'cause you wouldn't do that. Because you know you wouldn't, and having something change you that much is fucking terrifying.

[Mista's always here to believe in him. When Shuji loses faith in himself, Mista props him up. As much as Shuji adores Mista and thinks he can do no wrong, Mista thinks the same of him.

Despite everything that's happened to him, he's the luckiest man in the world.]

Mista... I missed you so much, I missed this so much. God, I don't know how I survived without you-

[He's tearing up, not even attempting to wipe them away when the tears start to fall down his cheeks.]

We're going to be okay, aren't we?

[He wants to say it with more confidence, but it's hard to sound completely certain while you're crying.]

Yeah.

[It's maybe a dumb thing to say when you really don't know. And he doesn't. Not logically. But in his heart? Yeah, he knows. They're gonna be okay.]

[Sometimes he has more faith than common sense. It works out for him, though. The universe knows exactly how unwavering he is in loving Shuji; it knows that no matter how much shit gets thrown at them, Mista won't give up. Eventually, the universe figured it out, he thinks. That there's no point putting more things in their way.]

We're gonna be perfect, Shu, [he says, and wipes Shuji's cheeks clean with his thumbs, and hauls him close so he can give him the tightest hug imaginable.] We're gonna be amazing.

[Shuji hugs back just as tightly, or maybe a little more so (thanks enhanced strength, he'll remember to keep that in check when he isn't crying).]

We're going to be the best boyfriends Recolle has ever seen.

[Did they actually confirm they were going back to dating? It was implied by the crying and the I love yous and I promise you won't be taken away from me again. Mista knows.

Shuji closes his eyes, and for a moment everything is right with the world.]

I love you so much.

I love you, too.

[He says, through creaking ribs. But he really doesn't mind. He doesn't mind the assumption, either, even if he's still a little scared. And he is still a little scared. There's a part of him that will always hate himself for leaving Shuji alone in all of this, for forgetting even for a moment how they got together and everything they've gone through together. But that part of him just isn't as big as the part of him that loves Shuji with all of his heart. The part that loves Shuji is all of his heart, which is enormous.]

[He runs his fingers through the hair at the nape of Shuji's neck, eyes going soft and distant.]

I can't believe you didn't . . . find somebody else, I guess. [Better than me.] Somebody who didn't forget. Do all your friends hate me for it?

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