crowspace | call me out v. 12.0

[Shuji nods, already holding out a hand for it.]

Please?

[As if Howard would deny it to him.]

S-sure.

[He hopes that Shuji knows what he's doing. He hands it over, still feeling like his heart is at the bottom of his chest.]

[Shuji uncaps the bottle and pours its entire contents down his throat.

The marks clear out immediately, as do Shuji's injuries, leaving him looking... tired, but no worse for wear.]

I forgot just how much I hate that.

Are you okay?

[Because of course Howard's the one to be concerned about.]

...

[He just...swallowed it down.]

[Right.]

Uh...yes. I'm okay. [A beat.] Are you okay? You're not going to get poisoned by that, right...?

I won't. That's what heals my wounds now. I guess it's like a blood transfusion? Since I have ink instead of blood now...

[Shuji talks about it very matter-of-factly. He's had time to get used to the changes.]

That's...

[That sucks? That's good that it's so easy? He doesn't know what to say.]

[He releases his tentacled grip from around Shuji's waist, the tentacles sliding back up into his sleeve.]

Well...I mean, I'm just happy you're okay. I was so worried...

I didn't mean to scare you.

[Or take so bad a hit in the first place.]

Getting in that state sucks, but I'm okay.

[He shakes his head, as if to say "no, you don't have to apologize". One of his tentacles drifts over to wrap around Shuji's hand.]

What is that state? You had words traveling all over your body...

[Shuji hesitates. After a second, he gives Howard's tentacle a squeeze, and tries to explain.]

I don't know all the details, but... Spirits like me have a tenuous grip on this reality. The more damage our bodies take the weaker that grip gets, and our mind falls apart as our body does.

[Hence the extremely worrying repetition of words and not being able to remember that he carries ink in his bag all the time.]

You can think of it like me being ink and magic in the shape of a human, and getting hurt makes it harder to keep that form, if that makes sense?

So...you're like a ghost. A book ghost.

[It sounds silly when he says it, but...]

[He swallows. Moving closer, Howard squeezes Shuji's hand again before giving it a tug - he wants Shuji to sit down with him. It's not right to keep him standing after such an ordeal.]

And the ink brings you back, then? It makes you more, uh, solid?

[Standing is hard, so Shuji will gladly sit down next to Howard. He's more exhausted than he looks, which shows in how heavily he plops into his seat.]

A book spirit with the memories of a dead person. Something like that.

[It sounds really silly, but it's also accurate.]

It repairs my body. Fills in the missing parts, I guess.

...

[He doesn't know what to say. This is...a lot. He suddenly imagines what it must have been like for Shuji to have to go through him explaining about his sudden changes. But to think that Shuji was going through changes like this on his own...]

[His shoulders raises with a sigh. Honestly, he's still trying to recover from what just happened. The image of Shuji, leaning forward from a practically fatal blow, fear in his eyes...]

I'm sorry, Shuji. You don't have to deal with this. [He can't meet Shuji's eyes suddenly. There's a pain in his chest he can't ignore.] God, I was so scared I was going to lose you for a second there...I just...I-I just panicked...

[It's frightening. Shuji understands better than most the fear that comes from seeing your loved ones badly hurt and not knowing if they would survive. He would be the exact same kind of mess in Howard's situation.

He leans forward and wraps Howard in a hug. It's a loose one owing to his own tired state, but still enough to comfort (he hopes).]

It's okay. I'm okay now. Both of us are safe and I'm not going anywhere.

[He's certainly not making getting injured a habit.]

[Shuji is warm. That alone comes as a relief. That even after all he just saw, Shuji is here. Shuji is alive. Shuji is warm.]

[He leans forward into the gesture, tentacles sliding around the other in a makeshift hug from his end. He's still too shaken to really reform them into hands. Nestling his head in the crook of Shuji's neck, Howard speaks, his voice cracking.]

I should be the only one dealing with these things. Not...n-not you...

[Tentacle hugs are still good hugs. They're better than many arm hugs, because they're Howard hugs and that makes them some of the best.

Shuji tightens his grip a little bit.]

Why? Is there a reason you should have them instead of me?

[Howard deserves to be human in mind and body as much as Shuji does.]

You're too good of a person, Shuji.

[He closes his eyes. His voice is quieter, but still hoarse.]

I can handle it. But you deserve...a normal life. Not this.

You deserve it as much as I do.

[When they're sitting, their heights are closer, which makes it easier for Shuji to rest his forehead against Howard's.]

It wouldn't make me happy to have a normal life at your expense.

Hm. Maybe.

[He sounds like he doesn't believe it, though. The closeness makes him take a quick breath in, his cheeks starting to warm up.]

I wouldn't be happy if you weren't happy. I'm not happy now. What you go through...means a lot to me, Shuji.

...I'm happy that you care so much.

[Is he happy in general? More difficult question. But when it comes to Howard-]

You mean a lot to me.

...You mean a lot to me, too.

[He's trembling, but probably not because of the sudden events that just occurred. Should he say it? Is this the time? God, he's still so emotional over Shuji being hurt, and he can't stand it any longer. He has to say it.]

I love you, Shuji.

[In his current sluggish state, takes a moment for Shuji to process those words. It's obvious when he does because his face goes red.]

M-me too - I mean, I love you too, I-

[He is not in any way capable of forming the words right now. Not the beautiful words that Howard deserves, not words that show just how much he cares.

So he gives up on words, and he brushes his lips over Howard's instead.]

[Oh.]

[Honestly, he wasn't really thinking about any possible reaction. It was done at the spur of a moment, without regarding the fact that Shuji might have easily rejected those feelings.]

[And yet, now...he's doing quite the opposite. Howard can't let out more than a gasp as Shuji leans in for a gentle kiss. His heart thrumming wildly in his chest, he meets the other's lips with his own, sloppily, just too overwhelmed by the rush of emotion in his chest.]

[It's definitely spur of the moment, overwhelming and not skillful at all. But Shuji can't say he minds or has any desire to stop.

When he does pull back, it's only because he has something he has to say:]

I hope I can kiss you without a lifethreatening situation involved.

Oh. Oh, definitely.

[He lets out a short laugh, leaning in for another kiss. His heart feels so light, like a balloon that's going to float away.]

We can kiss all the time, if you want. I mean...

Oh, I definitely want that, no question.

[Another kiss, and then another longer one.]

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