crowspace | call me out v. 12.0

You're too good of a person, Shuji.

[He closes his eyes. His voice is quieter, but still hoarse.]

I can handle it. But you deserve...a normal life. Not this.

You deserve it as much as I do.

[When they're sitting, their heights are closer, which makes it easier for Shuji to rest his forehead against Howard's.]

It wouldn't make me happy to have a normal life at your expense.

Hm. Maybe.

[He sounds like he doesn't believe it, though. The closeness makes him take a quick breath in, his cheeks starting to warm up.]

I wouldn't be happy if you weren't happy. I'm not happy now. What you go through...means a lot to me, Shuji.

...I'm happy that you care so much.

[Is he happy in general? More difficult question. But when it comes to Howard-]

You mean a lot to me.

...You mean a lot to me, too.

[He's trembling, but probably not because of the sudden events that just occurred. Should he say it? Is this the time? God, he's still so emotional over Shuji being hurt, and he can't stand it any longer. He has to say it.]

I love you, Shuji.

[In his current sluggish state, takes a moment for Shuji to process those words. It's obvious when he does because his face goes red.]

M-me too - I mean, I love you too, I-

[He is not in any way capable of forming the words right now. Not the beautiful words that Howard deserves, not words that show just how much he cares.

So he gives up on words, and he brushes his lips over Howard's instead.]

[Oh.]

[Honestly, he wasn't really thinking about any possible reaction. It was done at the spur of a moment, without regarding the fact that Shuji might have easily rejected those feelings.]

[And yet, now...he's doing quite the opposite. Howard can't let out more than a gasp as Shuji leans in for a gentle kiss. His heart thrumming wildly in his chest, he meets the other's lips with his own, sloppily, just too overwhelmed by the rush of emotion in his chest.]

[It's definitely spur of the moment, overwhelming and not skillful at all. But Shuji can't say he minds or has any desire to stop.

When he does pull back, it's only because he has something he has to say:]

I hope I can kiss you without a lifethreatening situation involved.

Oh. Oh, definitely.

[He lets out a short laugh, leaning in for another kiss. His heart feels so light, like a balloon that's going to float away.]

We can kiss all the time, if you want. I mean...

Oh, I definitely want that, no question.

[Another kiss, and then another longer one.]

[Oh, there they go again. Howard's tentacles squeeze a little tighter as he leans into the kiss once more. This time he's not so sloppy, trying to enjoy every second of this. Shuji's lips are soft.]

[God, he wants this to last for as long as possible, even if the heat in his cheeks is growing to the point where his ears are burning.]

[Howard is warm, or else he's just making Shuji warm up, or both. Every kiss is better than the last, and Shuji doesn't want to pull away, but-

He manages, reluctant as he is.]

Um. We're in public, so... [Howard would probably die from people-related embarrassment if they were seen making out in a public park. Or Shuji would. Or both of them.]

Maybe my apartment would be better?

Y-yeah...

[Right. That's embarrassing. He is somewhat reluctant to move, but then again making out in front of everyone complete with tentacles coming out of his sleeves? Not a great look.]

I...think that's fine. [It's certainly incredibly more private than this. His tentacles slither off of Shuji, a couple forming back into his hands.] Let's...gather our stuff and go, I suppose. Before people look over at us...

It's not far anyway.

[Shuji packs away their silverware, trash, etc. in the picnic basket, which he carries under an arm.

The other hand slides into one of Howard's. If he'll let him, Shuji will hold his hand all the way to his apartment.]

That's good.

[It feels strange, to suddenly not be kissing the other - what is he thinking? This only just happened? And yet it feels like it's been going on for much longer. (After all, it did feel like his life flashed before his eyes when he saw Shuji get attacked.).]

[His cheeks are red at the gesture, but he doesn't pull away. He holds the other's hand like it's a lifeline.]

[Ah. He couldn't be more happier.]

[Even if they weren't dating, there's no doubt they've been close for some time. And Shuji has kissed him - even if only on the eyes.

Whether they're being ridiculous and going too quickly or not, Shuji couldn't care less. He hums a cheerful tune the entire walk back.

He does let go of Howard's hand then, but only to unlock the door.]

Make yourself at home.

[He'll even hold the door for him like a gentleman.]

[Oh, how polite of him! He's flattered, truly, even if this isn't the first time he's been over to Shuji's apartment.]

[But now it has a different context. It's all changed. He's coming into the apartment of his...boyfriend? Is Shuji his boyfriend, now? Howard trembles as he walks inside.]

[Everything has new meaning now.]

Thank you.

[And he moves to whatever couch or sofa there is, sitting down and just threading his hands together nervously on his lap. This all almost feels like a dream.]

[Everything is different now, even if the motions are the same. Shuji can't deny it. But at the same time-

He sits down next to Howard and reaches for one of his hands again, giving it a reassuring squeeze.]

You don't have to be nervous. It's just me.

[-the more things change, the more they stay the same.]

[He squeezes the hand back - there's a small twitch of his mouth into a very bashful smile as he meets Shuji's eyes briefly. He can feel his face warming up again...]

Of course not. [He lets out a short huff.] You're...always good to me. I know that. I-I won't be nervous. Promise.

That's good.

[He understands why Howard would be nervous, and he wouldn't take it as a personal offense - but Howard doesn't have to be. Shuji'd much prefer if he were comfortable.

He lifts Howard's hand to press a kiss to the back of it. That may not actually help with making him relax, but oh well.]

Edited 2018-10-01 02:16 (UTC)

I just...I honestly didn't imagine this happening. I just thought...I'd be kept with these feelings...

[That's what people do, right?? Stash their romantic feelings back where they'll never be revealed ever??? And yet now it's happening and...oh, Shuji is kissing the back of his hand.]

[His blush gets slightly more intense.]

Oh. T-Thank you, Shuji...

...I thought something like that. That I shouldn't say anything and make things uncomfortable between us.

[So they've both been stashing their feelings away and pined away like idiots.]

I didn't even consider that you might return my feelings.

[It's one thing to have feelings for Shuji, but to hear that Shuji always had feelings for him?? He feels like he could faint.]

I had no idea. [God, they really are idiots. He gains a little courage, leaning in for a brief kiss to the cheek.] I mean, you're one of my best friends, I always thought falling in love would be a little much...but now I see that thought was wrong.

[He gives Dazai's hand another squeeze.]

Goodness...I'm so happy right now.

[why are you holding Dazai's hand, Shuji is so hurt right now]

Me too. [He presses a kiss to one of Howard's cheeks, then mirrors it. He'll never get tired of kissing Howard, he's sure.]

But I think you should be friends with your boyfriend, right?

[He says it a little hesitantly. They haven't actually used the word 'boyfriend' yet.]

[GOSH DARN IT ME I EVEN USED SHUJI'S NAME IN THE SAME TAG!!! WHY]

Of course. [Boyfriend. The word is just...magical. He raises his free hand to the last cheek Shuji kissed.] I couldn't be boyfriends with anyone unless we're...best friends. And you're the nicest, most wonderful person I've just...ever met. I mean it.

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