crowspace | Thread continuation for thetaintedsorrow.

[The good news? Chuuya isn’t currently experiencing the usual urge to kill and destroy everything in his path like he had during previous uses of Corruption. It’s more of a taint than a full on corruption just yet, but Chuuya is far from in his right mind. He peels off his glove, dislodging most of the glass from his hand in the process and leaving it dripping blood onto the floor.

The last time he’d been in this situation he’d been able to be snapped back to his senses by Akutagawa and Kouyou, just in time.

There’s still a chance for him to come back to his senses, and if anyone could do snap him out of it, it’s Poet-Chuuya.

He takes a few steps towards his boyfriend, walking as if he’s being weighed down by some invisible, heavy force. He stops a few inches away before reaching out with his bloodied hand to cup other-Chuuya’s cheek.]

How did it feel? Killing him?

Edited 2018-01-29 04:57 (UTC)

[That is good news. Chuuya would hate to be killed by his boyfriend - that's more of Dazai's thing.

There's blood on Chuuya's cheek. There's blood on Chuuya's cheek because mafia-Chuuya is cupping his cheek with his bloody hand. Mafia-Chuuya is far from stable right now.]

I was glad he wasn't going to bother you anymore.

[Chuuya lightly squeezes his boyfriend's arm.]

I should’ve killed him a long time ago...

[Chuuya admires the way his boyfriend looks painted in blood, and he slowly edges him backwards toward the couch, eyes finally regaining the sharp focus of a predator.]

I loved him once...once...a long time ago...

[He crowds poet-Chuuya until he has no choice but to fall back on the couch.]

You must’ve been beautiful in that moment...the moment you took his life...

[He straddles poet-Chuuyas lap, arms sliding around his neck as he nips at his earlobe.]

I was supposed to be the one...I wanted to see his face...when he died...

[Chuuya’s breathing is hot and heavy as he laps at the quickly drying blood on poet-Chuuya’s cheek.]

You saved me...didn’t you?

Edited 2018-01-29 05:26 (UTC)

[It's impossible not to be afraid now. Mafia-Chuuya can easily crowd him back onto the couch, can easily straddle him and do whatever he wants. Mafia-Chuuya's tongue on his cheek makes him shiver.

But - poet-Chuuya can't give up yet. He'll keep trying to help his boyfriend.]

You're the one who saved me. And now you're going somewhere I can't follow.

[Insanity isn't a refuge for long. Chuuya has enough memories of sterile white walls and ink stains to know that it doesn't last.

That said, it must be utterly mad for him to wrap his arms around his boyfriend, holding him tight.]

You told me you wouldn't leave me. You said you wouldn't leave.

[His boyfriend’s pleas are definitely heard, but they’re much like distant echoes within Chuuya’s head than an actual voice. The loud, terrifying buzz of Corruption spreading through his veins drowns them out, and his answer is to sink his teeth deep into the flesh of poet-Chuuya’s neck.

He can taste ink, and it mixes wonderfully with the blood in his mouth.]

I’m not leaving. I’m right here.

[There’s a fight going on in Chuuya’s head right now; his original self is screaming and crying at him to stop, and his heart wrenches in his chest when he feels the familiar warmth of those arms wrapping around him.

When he looks at Poet-Chuuya once more, ink and blood dripping from his lips, it’s with a terrified expression.]

I don’t...want to leave...

[A single tear rolls down his cheek. The mark on his neck is very slowly beginning to recede.]

Save me...

Edited 2018-01-29 05:42 (UTC)

[The bite on his neck stings - he's too terrified and worried to be turned on by any of this.

That doesn't matter right now, because, mafia-Chuuya is starting to come back to himself.]

I've got you.

[He holds his boyfriend even closer, desperately praying for things to be okay.]

I love you. I'm not leaving you, so please don't leave me.

[It’s slow, and Chuuya is shuddering the entire time as if he’s fighting off a cold, but eventually his eyes regain a hint of warmth where previously they were cold as ice.]

Chuuya...

[He repeats it for himself as well as his boyfriend, over and over again until the mark finally disappears from his skin. Without Corruption’s influence, however all the pain comes rushing back to him, and he flinches as he looks down at his bloodied hand.]

What...what was I...doing?

[He holds his head, trying to steady himself. The taste of ink and blood are still strong on his tongue.]

[Chuuya should really offer to get his boyfriend something to clean up his injuries with and some bandages, like he did earlier.]

Thank god you're okay...!

[But his first priority is hugging his boyfriend as close as he can.]

[He hugs his boyfriend back with a confused expression before reality finally dawns on him.]

Oh no...

[Shit. Shit shit shit. How could he have let that happen again???

He’s mortified when he sees how upset other-Chuuya is, and his gut churns when he sees the brutal bite mark he’d left.]

I’m sorry...I’m so sorry...

[He could’ve killed poet-Chuuya, or at the very least seriously injured him if he hadn’t snapped out of it sooner. He holds his boyfriend tight, shaking slightly.]

You shouldn’t have had to deal with that...

[The bite mark still stings, but who gives a shit about that when mafia-Chuuya is alive and sane again? Poet-Chuuya will wash the remaining blood off his face later.]

If I wasn't here to deal with that, things would've been worse. I'm just glad you're alright.

[He rubs other-Chuuya's back gently. They're both going to be alright.]

[Even from beyond the grave Dazai is still fucking with him...

But Chuuya is safe in his boyfriend’s arms now, and he doesn’t want to budge, blood be damned.]

I’ve killed so many people...I don’t know why I let his death get to me...

[He knows exactly why, actually, but he’d rather forget all about that. He kisses other-Chuuya’s clean cheek.]

No one can know. Let them think it was the Mafia.

Alright.

[If that's what his boyfriend wants, then that's what his boyfriend gets.

Poet-Chuuya doesn't have anything to say about the first bit. The death of someone you used to love is something he doesn't have the right to comment on.]

We really should clean up your hand. Where do you keep the first aid kit?

[Or maybe mafia-Chuuya has more than just a kit, considering the dangers of his job.]

Got a cabinet full of medical supplies in the bathroom.

[Everything from ointment to sutures can be found within, because knowing first aid is absolutely vital to keeping a job in the Mafia.

He slides off his boyfriend's lap so that he can go get the supplies. Normally he’d get it himself, but he just feels so weak right now. ]

Waste of good booze too...damn.

I'll buy you more sake later.

[Chuuya goes to fetch the necessary supplies, and soon comes back to clean up mafia-Chuuya's wounds and bandage them. He doesn't bother with saying 'it'll sting' because obviously his mafioso boyfriend knows that.

It takes a bit, but eventually...]

There, done. Now there's nothing left to do but cuddle all night.

[It does sting like a bitch, but it’s hardly the worst pain he’s experienced.]

Thank you...

[He flexes his hand to try to work out some of the soreness.]

You sure? Do you need anything?

[Chuuya flops down on the couch again.]

If you don't come snuggle, I'm going to need to hit you with a pillow.

[Not really, but it's easier than saying 'I need to hold you and reassure myself you're real and okay'.]

You drive a hard bargain.

[Chuuya curls up next his boyfriend and tugs a blanket up over the two of them.]

I’m sorry that you had to see me like that.

[Much better. Chuuya cuddles up to him as close as he can.]

You've already seen me with markings on my skin and a less than stellar mental state. Fair's fair.

[...He just couldn't have potentially killed mafia-Chuuya like that.]

When I was partners with Dazai the Mafia used me as a weapon in that state. Full Corruption is much worse; I would’ve leveled the building and probably killed you in the process if I’d gone completely under.

[Double Black wasn’t infamous for nothing.]

I hate it...not having a surefire way to snap out of it...

I can't even imagine.

[Even when he's breaking down, he knows what will fix him again, and he'd never snap out of that state to find that he'd killed someone important. It really doesn't compare to Corruption except in a superficial sense.]

As long as I'm around, I won't stop trying to bring you back to your senses. I promise.

[Chuuya’s expression dims at that; as much as he appreciates the sentiment, he couldn’t bear to be the one to kill poet-Chuuya. He loves him too goddamn much to possibly live with himself should he ever hurt him...]

Thank you.

[Chuuya’s breath hitches then, and he buries his face in his boyfriend’s chest.]

I dunno if I can live without you...

[Hearing that, when they just talked about how poet-Chuuya won't be here forever even as much as he wants to... it makes his stomach churn.

He pets his boyfriend's back gently, and starts to speak in the careful tones of someone who is reciting something very important.]

When a loved one dies, you have to commit suicide.

When a loved one dies, no other recourse remains.

But even so, if your life is long,
And the consequences of your action run deep,

The inspiration to serve will grow.
The inspiration to serve will grow.

Because a loved one has died,
Because that person is definitely gone,

Because you can’t do anything,
For their sake, for their sake,

The inspiration to serve must grow,
The inspiration to serve must grow.

[The moment poet-Chuuya begins reciting those words Chuuya breaks down, tears flowing freely as he shudders and sobs into his boyfriend’s shirt.]

I can’t...I can’t...

[He knows that he’s strong enough to withstand this; he has to be. People need him, even if it’s for less than moral reasons. He has subordinates to look out for, a city to protect. He can’t just die...

But right now that feels like the only possible option when facing his boyfriend’s death.]

[There's more to that poem - it's a long one - but the second part can only start once you've decided to live.

Instead of going on, Chuuya wipes some of the tears off mafia-Chuuya's face.]

You can. You're stronger than that.

[If even poet-Chuuya could go on a little longer, then mafia-Chuuya can.]

It won't make me happy if you try to follow after me.

[It’s takes another few good minutes of sobbing before Chuuya’s tears finally begin to slow and stop. He sniffles pitifully for a bit before he finally finds his voice, though it’s shaky and strained.]

Okay.

[He feels incredibly selfish for reacting this way, given everything Poet-Chuuya had lost in his previous life, but how can he ever agree to let go of someone he loves when he’s never loved this deeply before?]

I’ll go on. For you.

Thread continuation for thetaintedsorrow.

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