crowspace | Thread continuation for thetaintedsorrow.

[He hugs his boyfriend back with a confused expression before reality finally dawns on him.]

Oh no...

[Shit. Shit shit shit. How could he have let that happen again???

He’s mortified when he sees how upset other-Chuuya is, and his gut churns when he sees the brutal bite mark he’d left.]

I’m sorry...I’m so sorry...

[He could’ve killed poet-Chuuya, or at the very least seriously injured him if he hadn’t snapped out of it sooner. He holds his boyfriend tight, shaking slightly.]

You shouldn’t have had to deal with that...

[The bite mark still stings, but who gives a shit about that when mafia-Chuuya is alive and sane again? Poet-Chuuya will wash the remaining blood off his face later.]

If I wasn't here to deal with that, things would've been worse. I'm just glad you're alright.

[He rubs other-Chuuya's back gently. They're both going to be alright.]

[Even from beyond the grave Dazai is still fucking with him...

But Chuuya is safe in his boyfriend’s arms now, and he doesn’t want to budge, blood be damned.]

I’ve killed so many people...I don’t know why I let his death get to me...

[He knows exactly why, actually, but he’d rather forget all about that. He kisses other-Chuuya’s clean cheek.]

No one can know. Let them think it was the Mafia.

Alright.

[If that's what his boyfriend wants, then that's what his boyfriend gets.

Poet-Chuuya doesn't have anything to say about the first bit. The death of someone you used to love is something he doesn't have the right to comment on.]

We really should clean up your hand. Where do you keep the first aid kit?

[Or maybe mafia-Chuuya has more than just a kit, considering the dangers of his job.]

Got a cabinet full of medical supplies in the bathroom.

[Everything from ointment to sutures can be found within, because knowing first aid is absolutely vital to keeping a job in the Mafia.

He slides off his boyfriend's lap so that he can go get the supplies. Normally he’d get it himself, but he just feels so weak right now. ]

Waste of good booze too...damn.

I'll buy you more sake later.

[Chuuya goes to fetch the necessary supplies, and soon comes back to clean up mafia-Chuuya's wounds and bandage them. He doesn't bother with saying 'it'll sting' because obviously his mafioso boyfriend knows that.

It takes a bit, but eventually...]

There, done. Now there's nothing left to do but cuddle all night.

[It does sting like a bitch, but it’s hardly the worst pain he’s experienced.]

Thank you...

[He flexes his hand to try to work out some of the soreness.]

You sure? Do you need anything?

[Chuuya flops down on the couch again.]

If you don't come snuggle, I'm going to need to hit you with a pillow.

[Not really, but it's easier than saying 'I need to hold you and reassure myself you're real and okay'.]

You drive a hard bargain.

[Chuuya curls up next his boyfriend and tugs a blanket up over the two of them.]

I’m sorry that you had to see me like that.

[Much better. Chuuya cuddles up to him as close as he can.]

You've already seen me with markings on my skin and a less than stellar mental state. Fair's fair.

[...He just couldn't have potentially killed mafia-Chuuya like that.]

When I was partners with Dazai the Mafia used me as a weapon in that state. Full Corruption is much worse; I would’ve leveled the building and probably killed you in the process if I’d gone completely under.

[Double Black wasn’t infamous for nothing.]

I hate it...not having a surefire way to snap out of it...

I can't even imagine.

[Even when he's breaking down, he knows what will fix him again, and he'd never snap out of that state to find that he'd killed someone important. It really doesn't compare to Corruption except in a superficial sense.]

As long as I'm around, I won't stop trying to bring you back to your senses. I promise.

[Chuuya’s expression dims at that; as much as he appreciates the sentiment, he couldn’t bear to be the one to kill poet-Chuuya. He loves him too goddamn much to possibly live with himself should he ever hurt him...]

Thank you.

[Chuuya’s breath hitches then, and he buries his face in his boyfriend’s chest.]

I dunno if I can live without you...

[Hearing that, when they just talked about how poet-Chuuya won't be here forever even as much as he wants to... it makes his stomach churn.

He pets his boyfriend's back gently, and starts to speak in the careful tones of someone who is reciting something very important.]

When a loved one dies, you have to commit suicide.

When a loved one dies, no other recourse remains.

But even so, if your life is long,
And the consequences of your action run deep,

The inspiration to serve will grow.
The inspiration to serve will grow.

Because a loved one has died,
Because that person is definitely gone,

Because you can’t do anything,
For their sake, for their sake,

The inspiration to serve must grow,
The inspiration to serve must grow.

[The moment poet-Chuuya begins reciting those words Chuuya breaks down, tears flowing freely as he shudders and sobs into his boyfriend’s shirt.]

I can’t...I can’t...

[He knows that he’s strong enough to withstand this; he has to be. People need him, even if it’s for less than moral reasons. He has subordinates to look out for, a city to protect. He can’t just die...

But right now that feels like the only possible option when facing his boyfriend’s death.]

[There's more to that poem - it's a long one - but the second part can only start once you've decided to live.

Instead of going on, Chuuya wipes some of the tears off mafia-Chuuya's face.]

You can. You're stronger than that.

[If even poet-Chuuya could go on a little longer, then mafia-Chuuya can.]

It won't make me happy if you try to follow after me.

[It’s takes another few good minutes of sobbing before Chuuya’s tears finally begin to slow and stop. He sniffles pitifully for a bit before he finally finds his voice, though it’s shaky and strained.]

Okay.

[He feels incredibly selfish for reacting this way, given everything Poet-Chuuya had lost in his previous life, but how can he ever agree to let go of someone he loves when he’s never loved this deeply before?]

I’ll go on. For you.

[Chuuya can't call it selfish. After all, he's the one who wrote those words. He wouldn't have written them if he hadn't once been the one saying I can't go on without you.]

Good.

[He holds his boyfriend close to him.]

I love you so much. More than anyone.

I love you too. More than anyone.

[Chuuya kisses his boyfriend’s cheek, his eyelashes still wet with tears.]

I might just get that poem you wrote me before tattooed on my back. At least a couple verses, anyway.

Edited 2018-01-30 05:24 (UTC)

[Well, now he's blushing bright red to the tips of his ears. It's at least lightened the mood some.]

W-what are you going to say if someone asks you about it?

[Tattoos always get asked about.]

[Cuuuuute. He kisses the tip of one of those red ears.]

That the love of my life wrote it for me and I wanted to carry it with me always.

[Look, he’s no poet, but he can certainly be romantic when he wants to be.]

Mafia are supposed to have dragons and such tattooed on them, but this means so much more.

If you say that I'm going to spontaneously combust. Even if I'm across the city. I'll know.

[This is so!! Embarrassing!!!]

Are you embarrassed of being mushy with me?

[So cuuuuuuuuuuute!!]

Chuuya~

[He reaches up to snatch his boyfriend’s hat away with a smirk, holding it just out of reach.]

Say something romantic~

[Chuuya's still going to grab for his hat anyway, and scowl when he can't reach it.]

How could you betray me like this?

[Maybe Mafia-Chuuya just relishes getting to be the one to hold something out of someone else's reach for once, but still, that's mean.]

Cause you’re cute when you’re huffy~

[Chuuya removes his own hat and places it on his boyfriend’s head instead before planting poet-Chuuya’s on his own.]

How do I look?

Thread continuation for thetaintedsorrow.

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