crowspace | For ninjou, boss Dazai.

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For ninjou, boss Dazai.

[Of course it eventually came to this.

There was never really any doubt in Odasaku's mind that Dazai would be the next boss. Even among the executives, he was the most talented, the most ruthless. Once Dazai removed Mori from the picture, his position would be - well, not secure, but as secure as being the head of a mafia ever gets.

Odasaku knew it was coming. That doesn't mean he has to like it.]

You called for me, boss?

[The boss's office is very, very nice. That's one of the few entirely positive things that Odasaku can say about this situation: Dazai has an even nicer office now.

He'd rather not dwell on the other things he might say.]

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[Every invitation is accepted. The kiss deepens, with Odasaku stroking his hair as it does.

He wants so much. He wants everything, all at once. If this might be his only night with Dazai, then he wants it to be perfect. For both of them, but mostly for Dazai.]

[Even if it's not perfect, it will be perfect, and that's the beauty of the depth of this affection. It's finally transcending everything, every rank, every issue, every credo, and they're together as Dazai has dreamed of for so damn long.

He can't resist. On his knees now, he settles his hands on Odasaku's cheeks and sighs happily before letting his tongue dance over his friend's, his lover's, making the kiss warm, deep and intimate. If he could pour all his feelings into a single kiss, this would be it.

His shoulders shake, nervous, giddy, sad, and his whole body quivers for a fraction of a second before he finds himself with one hand on Odasaku's chest, accidentally over his heart.]

[There are so many feelings going on here. Even a deep kiss like that won't communicate all of them, but not for lack of trying on Odasaku's part.

Eventually he pulls back, just barely, just enough to try to express it with the only words that come close.]

I love you, Dazai.

[The kiss is broken, and Dazai moves to chase it, but Odasaku breathes to speak and Dazai wants to hang on his every word so he won't forget any of this. Every breath and syllable and--]

Ah--?

[He freezes, cheeks going red, pulling away a little and... And.

He. Loves him. Odasaku loves him. The man he swears he's loved since he was a teenager loves him and he's scared of that. He can't find the words to respond, though his affection is choking him. Now he shakes again, only this time it's accompanied by him hanging his head and laughing softly, hollow and sad.

Moments pass, time that feels like an eternity, and Dazai takes a gasping breath before he can finally look up to meet Odasaku's eyes. His hands go to the man's collar.]

I've loved you since... so long. I don't want to think about what it was like not to love you. It hurts. [His voice strains, but he tries to smile and he tries to be jaunty and jovial and the old Dazai Odasaku must really love... not the boss.] Don't love me after tonight, okay? If we can't do this again, just stop. If I hurt you.... you know? I can forgive a lot of things, but not that.

...I'm not sure if I can just stop.

[He can try. He will try, if Dazai asks him to, because he doesn't want him to be hurt, or tied down by the feelings of someone he can't associate with any longer. But he doesn't think it's possible.]

I'm sorry. I'll do my best.

[Whatever makes him happy. Whatever it takes. However he can make Odasaku's life better. Anything.]

I love you, Odasaku. I always will.

[Timidly, he moves in again, asking for a kiss with eyes closed and breath held.]

[A soft, gentle kiss. Really and truly sweet, this time. Odasaku tugs Dazai closer to his chest to hold him tightly.

They may not have another night like this, so he'll make the most of this one.]

[Feeling small and young and stupid, Dazai curls in and lets himself be held, like he isn't the boss... like he isn't anything important. Dazai is nothing, Odasaku is everything. Rank and title be damned.]

[After pulling back a moment, Odasaku peppers kisses all over Dazai's face, still holding him close.

Maybe he can't love Dazai after tonight - maybe he'll have to listen to what Dazai asked of him. He'll try and make up for that, if he can.]

[The kisses make Dazai smile broadly, with a happy hum to accompany that smile. His whole body seems to want to get as close to Odasaku as possible, so he rests a hand on the other man's knee and strokes it lightly.

He's definitely desperately attached. And it shows.]

[The kisses congregate on Dazai's jaw, the lowest place Odasaku can reach before his skin is covered by bandages.

Even if he were to ask Dazai to take off his clothes - which he will, at some point, just not yet - he wouldn't be able to ask him to take off the bandages. They're Dazai's defenses, he knows, and he has no right to ask him for that.]

[The bandages are sacred, really, and while of all people he would trust Odasaku with them, he's shy right now about certain things. He doesn't want to scare his one friend off. He couldn't bear it. So he tips his head away to expose his jaw, but quivers a bit at the respect shown to his secrets, his covered shame and joy.]

I never thought I'd get to do this properly.

...What would be 'improperly'?

[Asked before Odasaku lightly tugs at an earlobe with his teeth.

It's weird phrasing.]

[He's going to take a second to answer because that feels good....... and he's busy shivering and making a cute little noise. Nobody is this gentle with him...]

What I tried to do earlier.

Ah.

[That's Odasaku's only answer to that, as he repeats the action, then soothes him with more kisses to his jaw.

He likes this way better.]

[He wants to throw his arms around Odasaku and kiss him until they're both spent, but that's kind of... counterproductive. So he'll be good and be held.]

Thanks for giving me another shot.

[He turns his head, seeking a real kiss.]

[He doesn't have to thank Odasaku for something like that - but Odasaku would rather kiss him than say something along those lines. It's a soft kiss that quickly turns deeper.

His arms are wrapped around Dazai, with one hand gently rubbing down his spine.]

[He'll thank him while he has the chance... thank him for one thing, mean it for so, so many others. He can't help melting into the kiss and sighing happily, one arm low around Odasaku, resting at his lower back. He's the one relying on Odasaku for support, as he always has.]

[Odasaku is a rock, solid and reliable. Most of the time.

The kiss continues, with Odasaku hesitantly swiping at Dazai's lower lip with his tongue. He doesn't want to push - he just doesn't want to stop, possibly for the rest of his life.]

[He'll be Dazai's rock instead of his subordinate for the night, and they can worry about his reliability later. Dazai will never see him as anything but wonderful.

And Dazai, being the younger, the one whose obsession with this moment's arrival has existed from the day he first spoke to Odasaku, wants to push. He's behaving, but only barely. His tongue meets Odasaku's in a short, light, delicate dance, moving things along while still giving up all control.]

[It's the kind of night for misbehaving, anyway. Odasaku wouldn't mind.

Odasaku's hand finds the bottom hem of Dazai's shirt, and slips under. He doesn't make to take it off - he just wants to rub bare skin, without the barrier of bandages between them.]

[With a content sound, Dazai accepts that touch, and the way he relaxes shows that he wants more. He's willing to behave, to hold back, to wait no matter how badly he wants to spend this night in carnal pursuits. It's because he wants to leave a mark so deep that it will never be forgotten. He rushes forward in his mind and his calculations all seem to indicate that he'll lose Odasaku after this, to proper rank and structure, to the need to toughen up and stop having these boyish fantasies. But let Odasaku be his fantasy tonight, and he'll be a changed man. He knows that this will show him true warmth, and he'll have to be a jaded piece of trash to recover. This will make him soft, weak, easy to push around. Odasaku is his weakness. But tonight... maybe he can forget about calculation a bit, or perhaps just redirect it. He can let out a deliberate little sound of need when Odasaku's hand strays to the side slightly, perhaps.]

[That's a sound Odasaku enjoys. In other circumstances, he'd spend months learning how to get Dazai to make those sounds, but even without that luxury, he doesn't want to rush. No - especially because this is the only time, he wants to make things last.

He rubs that spot again, slowly and deliberately, and kisses the noise Dazai makes off his lips.]

[Another soft little sound of contentment, and Dazai practically squirms for more. He begs with his body, turning toward Odasaku fully and exposing himself to whatever attention he's graced with. More. He'll take it in whatever dose Odasaku would like. He hopes they don't sleep tonight, that he'll be able to enjoy these touches for hours. Something sweet and gentle like this really suits Odasaku, after all.

He returns the kiss with a touch to Odasaku's jaw, then slides the hand up into the other man's hair. Slow, steady affection.]

[Something sweet and gentle suits Oda's feelings towards Dazai.

Oda kisses him again, slow, unhurried. His hands wander over Dazai's skin, gently exploring how Dazai reacts to each touch, what sounds he makes.

This is the man Oda loves, and so Oda wants to know him and to appreciate him.]

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ninjou - 2018-03-24 23:14 (UTC) - Expand

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tenimuho - 2018-03-25 18:13 (UTC) - Expand

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