crowspace | SOULMATE AU MEME

They're - they were -

[This is starting to make Ango's head spin. He doesn't know when to say "you" or "him," who to speak of in past tense instead of present... maybe he's too late to save himself from the effects of universe-hopping. Maybe he's trapped in this strange other world with madness's claws already dug most of the way into his brain.]

- God, I'm so tired.

You look like you need several naps. Come on, I'll lend you my shoulder.

[Dazai tosses some money at the bartender - enough to cover Ango's drinks as well as his - then stands up.]

[Even if Ango wanted to argue, he couldn't possibly work up the energy. He gives the bartender one last nod of thanks and follows Dazai out, quietly very grateful that he won't need to navigate Tokyo and find a hotel on his own.]

The Ango I'll be meeting tonight... is he anything at all like me?

The complete opposite.

[Dazai's going to make sure Ango actually takes his shoulder.]

I'm not sure he's taken anything but breaks.

[A sad, slightly bitter smile plays on Ango's lips.]

That must be part of why you seem so much happier as well. He sounds like much more entertaining company.

He's not as cute as you, though.

[While this is flirting, it's also the truth.]

Cute?!

[Silly Ango... nothing makes a cute person cuter than objecting to being called cute! He's just flustered again, not actually offended, of course.]

Very cute~

[RIP Ango.]

Did your Dazai already steal you away?

[Dazai's charm is always the same no matter how different the circumstances, and it sets Ango's heart aflutter as always. Ango can't even bring himself to destroy the pleasant little moment by revealing the truth: that Oda was probably the only person Dazai ever loved, and now Ango doubts if he even has the capacity to do so again with someone else.]

No, no - that isn't how things are with me and Dazai-kun at all.

[That time and place is too heavy. Dazai doesn't want to talk about it, even if it isn't him that's had his chance of happiness destroyed in a life he still has to live.

Flirting is easier.]

In that case, are you single?

[On the one hand, getting involved with an alternate version of his unrequited love has to be the worst decision he's ever made in his life, and he got into this whole mess by trying to repair previous bad decisions, so he doesn't need to make any more.

On the other hand... this is likely his first, last, and only chance with Dazai, and if his mission to make Dazai happy is destined to fail, maybe letting them both enjoy themselves isn't such a bad compromise.]

Always. One might say perpetually so. My work has been my only partner since I finished school. [But now he's taking a break...]

You definitely need to take a break. Luckily for you, I'm happy to assist ♥

[He's already picturing tying Ango down so he can't overwork himself. That's probably an exaggeration... probably.]

[Who knows, Ango might like it...

He shoots Dazai another sidelong glance, then pauses in his steps to turn and look at the other man properly. None of this should feel so right, so easy and natural, but it does - and Ango isn't sure if that means he's giving up on his Dazai, or if maybe he's lucked into finding an iteration that might still have some room in his heart. It's still Dazai, after all, and Dazai's interest in him hasn't come from any outside influence or even any deliberate influence from Ango himself.]

I hope I can manage to give you - something in return. Even if happiness is aiming too high, I'll still do everything I can.

[...How cute. How sweet, that even when Dazai is blatantly flirting, Ango's first thought is how to help him. Dazai's smile softens.]

Don't worry so much. You don't have to give me something as grand as happiness to be worth keeping.

[The smaller things, the less noticeable things, those are still worthwhile.]

[It's a good thing that Dazai finds it sweet, because Ango's not sure he'll ever be able to dampen his feelings about all things Dazai - not after giving so much of himself to this journey in Dazai's name. Everything he feels about Dazai is larger than life, which makes it nearly impossible to keep up lighthearted banter with him for long these days.

And honestly, telling him that he's worth it after he's spent so long trying to chase down someone else? That only strengthens the delicate new bond he's started to form with this strange, lovely new Dazai.]

Now I'll most likely end up worried about whether or not I'm worrying too much. [Said with a laugh, even though it's only half-joking.] I'm glad you like the differences in me, I don't think I was clear about that - and I do, too. Between you and the Dazai-kun I've known.

[Dazai's better than even other Dazais. He might do a fistpump if it wouldn't be rude to Ango, who definitely cares about those other Dazais too.]

I see, I see~ Then I'll be sure to show you more of those differences to see if you approve ♥

[It's his dick. He's going to show Ango his dick.]

[He's gonna brag about it to everyone he knows, too, isn't he? Or at least the other Buraiha. The funny thing is that Ango wouldn't be terribly surprised by such a reaction, but that wouldn't make it any less insensitive, so best that Dazai held off.

(Incidentally, though Ango can offer no comparisons on that front, he's more than willing to give Dazai's dick the stamp of approval.)

(Which means blowjob.)

(Anyway.)

They still haven't moved from where Ango stopped in his tracks earlier; he tells himself to stop staring at Dazai and get a move on, but instead winds up lifting a hand to trail his fingertips over the tiny braid tucked behind one of Dazai's ears. He's been aware of it since Dazai sat down beside him, given that Ango always sits on the far left, but only just now has he worked up the courage to be so forward.

The tender moment spins out between them, quiet but steadily growing in intensity - where it goes from here is all up to Dazai.]

[Dazai isn't entirely tactless... entirely.

He'll never mind being stared at, nor sharing a soft moment like this. When Ango trails his fingers over his braid, Dazai leans into his hand, cheek against palm.]

...What are you thinking?

[About his braid, about him, about anything.]

[Ango blinks in surprise when Dazai turns his touch into a caress, but it's nowhere near enough to shatter the moment completely. Smiling shyly, he curls his fingers to cup Dazai's cheek properly in his hand.]

I was thinking about those similarities and differences, and how the two of you would look together... like a tropical bird of paradise conferring with a raven. [So not together-together, at least not yet.] And then, as much as this will sound like a corny line, I was just struck by how pretty you are.

[why not together-together selfcest is hot-

Maybe it's a corny line, but Dazai always loves to be flattered. Ango can tell him he's pretty as often as he likes.]

I was thinking that your hands are soft.

[The other Ango has big hands, rough and getting rougher every day he fights. It suits him as a writer - a writer's hands are the intermediary between their minds and their work. This Ango isn't a writer or a fighter.]

[No, he's definitely not either of those, and he's soft through and through compared to his coworkers in every sphere - mafia, government, and Mimic members. Even though Dazai seems to mean it positively, Ango still withdraws his hand with a self-conscious frown.

Then he digs into an inside pocket of his blazer and pulls out a small envelope, pinching the flap between his thumb and forefinger uneasily.]

I have a few photographs... I'll certainly understand if you're not interested, but given that I'm going to meet the others, it only seems fair to offer.

[It was a compliment, and he looks a little bit wounded when Ango pulls his hand away.

The change of subject helps.]

I'd like to see them.

[When Dazai asks to see the pictures, Ango decides that he won't apologize for pulling away like he did - he'll explain if Dazai asks about it, but he won't offer an apology from nowhere. He's supposed to be worrying less, after all.

So instead he hands over the envelope, which holds the best pictures from their little impromptu photoshoot: Dazai shot from below to look "more manly," Oda blinking in surprise when the camera's turned on him, Ango insisting there's no need for a picture of him with one brow haughtily arched, and then the three of them.

Even if the pictures had been printed in colour, they'd all look so drab compared to this Dazai.]

[Dazai stops on the first picture. He doesn't need to ask or see the others to know-]

This one's 'me'.

[Thinking of someone so clearly different from him as himself is strange... But then, looks aren't everything. He knows, because there's a photo on the wall of himself in the same pose that looks nothing like either of them.

Now he flips to the next.]

So this is Oda... I'm not sure my Odasaku ever had to shave.

[Then there's Ango, and then the three of them together. They're drab, to be sure, but - they look like friends.]

That's Dazai-kun. [Ango confirms with a single nod.] I don't know how I knew you on sight, considering - [A vague gesture at the pictures to indicate how different they look.] - everything, but I did.

[The comment about Oda makes Ango laugh wistfully.]

If their shaving skills were at all comparable, he's lucky for that. Odasaku was the eldest of us - only by a year in my case, but he always seemed much older, and that awful stubble didn't help matters.

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