crowspace | SOULMATE AU MEME

[why not together-together selfcest is hot-

Maybe it's a corny line, but Dazai always loves to be flattered. Ango can tell him he's pretty as often as he likes.]

I was thinking that your hands are soft.

[The other Ango has big hands, rough and getting rougher every day he fights. It suits him as a writer - a writer's hands are the intermediary between their minds and their work. This Ango isn't a writer or a fighter.]

[No, he's definitely not either of those, and he's soft through and through compared to his coworkers in every sphere - mafia, government, and Mimic members. Even though Dazai seems to mean it positively, Ango still withdraws his hand with a self-conscious frown.

Then he digs into an inside pocket of his blazer and pulls out a small envelope, pinching the flap between his thumb and forefinger uneasily.]

I have a few photographs... I'll certainly understand if you're not interested, but given that I'm going to meet the others, it only seems fair to offer.

[It was a compliment, and he looks a little bit wounded when Ango pulls his hand away.

The change of subject helps.]

I'd like to see them.

[When Dazai asks to see the pictures, Ango decides that he won't apologize for pulling away like he did - he'll explain if Dazai asks about it, but he won't offer an apology from nowhere. He's supposed to be worrying less, after all.

So instead he hands over the envelope, which holds the best pictures from their little impromptu photoshoot: Dazai shot from below to look "more manly," Oda blinking in surprise when the camera's turned on him, Ango insisting there's no need for a picture of him with one brow haughtily arched, and then the three of them.

Even if the pictures had been printed in colour, they'd all look so drab compared to this Dazai.]

[Dazai stops on the first picture. He doesn't need to ask or see the others to know-]

This one's 'me'.

[Thinking of someone so clearly different from him as himself is strange... But then, looks aren't everything. He knows, because there's a photo on the wall of himself in the same pose that looks nothing like either of them.

Now he flips to the next.]

So this is Oda... I'm not sure my Odasaku ever had to shave.

[Then there's Ango, and then the three of them together. They're drab, to be sure, but - they look like friends.]

That's Dazai-kun. [Ango confirms with a single nod.] I don't know how I knew you on sight, considering - [A vague gesture at the pictures to indicate how different they look.] - everything, but I did.

[The comment about Oda makes Ango laugh wistfully.]

If their shaving skills were at all comparable, he's lucky for that. Odasaku was the eldest of us - only by a year in my case, but he always seemed much older, and that awful stubble didn't help matters.

Oda is the most responsible one of us... but that isn't saying much, considering he's the most responsible of the decadent school. He still got high with me and Ango - would still be getting high if we had any morphine around.

[You can be addicted to morphine and still more responsible than Dazai or Ango.]

We're probably the reason the medication in the infirmary is restricted access, come to think of it.

The decadent school?

[Drug addictions can be discussed later or left aside entirely - the word decadent immediately captures Ango's attention.]

Our school of authors! Well, mainly it's just us three - anyway, we're famous for our criticism of Japanese literature and social values, and our stories focusing on the aimlessness of the Japanese people after the war. ...But we're called decadents mostly because of our personal lifestyles.

I see...

[The Decadents. That's a new twist on universal constants and coincidences.]

In that case - do the words "No Longer Human" and "Flawless" mean anything to you?

[Dazai lights up like the sun - or like someone whose constant need for validation is momentarily appeased.]

"No Longer Human" is my masterpiece! My last and greatest novel. I put all my heart and soul into it.

And "Flawless", that's one of Odasaku's short stories.

And unless I'm mistaken, Sakaguchi Ango wrote something titled Discourse On Decadence.

[Ango's still puzzling all this out, but he notices how lovely Dazai looks all lit up like that. How could he not?]

An essay of his. A masterpiece, in my personal opinion.

[Mafia Dazai never glowed like this talking about his work.]

[Hell, he came closer to glowing like this when he talked about Odasaku's work...

Ango nods again, looking oddly pleased by the fact that his ability is named after an essay rather than a work of fiction. For the first time since he learned another version of him existed, something about the man actually makes sense.]

Those names are meaningful for us as well. Particular points of pride, even.

[Sort of. His is more... theoretical than the other two, and he's actually quite eager to talk to this other Ango now that he knows about the connection.]

We should probably hurry back to where you're staying. The nights here are colder than I would've expected.

[If his is a point of pride then why don't you tell us what it does!!]

Of course, of course. This way.

[Dazai will lead Ango right to the National Library, and inside.]

[The National Library. Dazai the ghost and all the other ghost authors are staying at...]

At some point I am going to ask you how on earth the three of you wound up here, I hope you realize that. And considering how much I've told you, I expect the entire story.

[Just maybe not yet, because now that he's back inside, he's starting to feel his exhaustion even more keenly. What is it about getting permission to rest that causes all the adrenaline to leave him at once, all the momentum to give out, and finally leaves him with no choice?]

Of course I will.

[Ango underestimates how much Dazai likes talking about himself.

Dazai leads him into a back room marked 'staff only', then down a hallway until he stops in front of a door marked 'Dazai Osamu'. Someone has doodled cherries on the name card.]

I'll talk to the librarians about getting you your own, but for now you can borrow my room.

I'm very grateful, Dazai-kun. God knows where I would've ended up tonight if my hunch about Bar Lupin hadn't proven to be right.

[Ango toes off his shoes in the doorway, then sits on the edge of Dazai's bed and loosens his tie. He's tired, yes, but... he doesn't really want to be without Dazai just yet, and "borrow" rather than "share" sounds like Dazai plans to give him the room to himself.

Well. Considering all the flirting Dazai's already done, is there really any harm in a simple clarification?]

I'm not all that restless of a sleeper, if you'd like to share the bed...

[That was the plan, he'd crash with Oda or Ango, but-]

I'd love to!

[...and then his face falls.]

But I'm an insomniac, I'll be the one keeping you awake...

[If that isn't the least surprising thing he's ever discovered about a person...

Ango works off his tie, unbuttons his blazer, all with a secretive grin on his lips. At last, once he's down to his undershirt and stands up to unbuckle his belt, he offers his solution:]

I'll be fine if you stay with me until I fall asleep.

I can manage that.

[So he'll sit down on the bed, waiting for Ango to finish undressing and join him. ...Depending on the level of undress he may check Ango out, but no one can blame him.]

[Tragically, the boxers don't come off, but they're a snug enough fit that Dazai can extrapolate good things from what he does see. Ango sits beside Dazai and takes off his glasses last of all, looking sidelong at him with big, surprisingly vulnerable green eyes.]

Well. Goodnight, then, Dazai-kun.

[He stretches out on his back, leaving Dazai ample room but hoping he'll end up with most of Dazai curled against him anyway.]

Goodnight, Ango.

[While he doesn't undress - because he does plan to speak to the librarians in something other than his underwear - he'll slip off his coat before curling up near to Ango. They aren't touching, but it's close.

All he has to do is stay still and quiet long enough for Ango to sleep. He isn't expecting to get tired, but that's just what happens when you stay still long enough - it isn't like he'll actually fall asleep.

(He will actually fall asleep.)]

[Ango's not exactly used to sharing a bed with someone, so he stirs halfway to wakefulness several times during the night, only to be lulled right back to sleep by the warmth of another body curled beneath the covers so close to his. That other body drifts closer and closer each time until Ango finally wakes up fully enough to realize that Dazai has, essentially, attached himself in every possible way - legs hooked over legs, arms clinging wherever they can, head weighing down Ango's shoulder and upper torso similarly pinning his chest.

That's not quite as comfortable as the diffuse body heat, but it is...

... well. It is hotter in more ways than one.]

I'll bet you sleep like a rock, too, don't you? [He's speaking more to himself than Dazai, since he really doesn't expect to wake the other man up with any ease, and he sounds as exasperated as he does fond.] "Insomniac," indeed.

[He brushes his free hand across Dazai's cheek, then grows bolder and slides his fingertips down the side of his neck, his touch featherlight.]

[He is an insomniac, he just doesn't usually sleep next to Ango.

As if to prove that he was speaking the truth, just that light touch gets Dazai to stir a little, tightening his grip on Ango and murmuring something indistinguishable under his breath. He'll wake up in a second or two.]

SOULMATE AU MEME

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