early deathday post, open to his cr from anywhere, game or psl

[goatsongs]

[Starting around the 15th of October, until the 22nd, Chuuya starts acting weirdly.

He doesn't want to be alone, ever. He won't go as far as physically clinging to you, but he'll make up excuses for joining you in whatever you're doing, even if it's as boring as watching grass grow. He's not as argumentative or bristly as he usually is.

He overeats, to the point of being bloated, and if he's questioned on it he gives a pained expression and changes the subject.

He doesn't drink alcohol. Not even one drop.

Whether you're in the National Library, or the City, or Yokohama, or anywhere - this is all alarming behavior for Chuuya. It might be time to ask him if something's going on.

Or you could just yell at him for bothering you for the third time in as many days, that's fine too, but don't be too surprised if you bring him to extremely uncharacteristic tears.]

Comments

[aquaticrush]

[squeak] I'm sorry! I don't know what I did, but I'm really sorry! Please, what's wrong?

[goatsongs]

[Retasu didn't do anything wrong, and when Chuuya manages to bring himself back into the present enough to make words come out again, the first thing he tries to do is explain-]

My deathday - it's today.

[That's why all of this.]

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu gives a little gasp. She nods sadly and wrings her hands.]

I'm so sorry. I should have known. I didn't mean to bother you.

[goatsongs]

You don't have to know which of the 365 days of the year is my deathday.

[Even in this state he thinks that's ridiculous, though his expression is more wry than anything.]

[aquaticrush]

But... Um. Are you sure you don't need any help around here?

[goatsongs]

...Just don't leave me alone.

[That's all the help he can ask for, but he desperately needs it.]

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu hesitates. Chuuya must really be out of sorts. She nods sadly, then quickly.]

You're a good person, I think.

[goatsongs]

Doubtful. ...Thanks.

[It's difficult not to blame himself for so many things.]

[aquaticrush]

You say that sort of thing about me, when you're not upset with me, and it's hard to believe, but I want to make things better for you, too.

[goatsongs]

We're different kinds of people, you know.

[aquaticrush]

I suppose, but even so, you're a smart person and the sort of person people believe in. I don't want you to feel bad.

[goatsongs]

What kind of idiot would believe in an alcoholic, who picks fights with people twice his size, and can't even do the most simple thing somebody should do for their family...

[Keep them alive.]

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu winces at that. Slowly, she shakes her head.]

Maybe you're kind of scary sometimes, but none of that's your fault, and I'm sure you really are a good person. You haven't hurt me at all, and I know you care about others.

[goatsongs]

Sure, I care about them, for all the good that's done them.

[He can't do anything when it matters.]

[aquaticrush]

You've done good! I'm sure you have, everyone has...

[goatsongs]

What's the point of caring, or doing good, when I couldn't help the most important person?

[aquaticrush]

...I'm sorry. I wish I knew or that I could help somehow. You were brought back as a ghost to do good, right? Maybe... I'm sorry. You deserve better.

[goatsongs]

...You don't need to be sorry if it isn't your fault.

[He knows that he's a hypocrite, saying that, but Retasu isn't his family - it's not her responsibility to protect him, to comfort him.]

[aquaticrush]

But if you're a ghost, I think that means you have unfinished business. That means I should be helping you with it so you can be happy.

[goatsongs]

I'm here to protect literature. It doesn't have anything to do with my pain.

[He'll still be in pain when he disappears.]

[aquaticrush]

You could disappear even when nothing's gotten better at all?

[goatsongs]

Some things are more important than just me.

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu quivers. She hugs the nearest book to herself.]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[Why is being chosen to protect the world doing so much good for her, but after being summoned for almost the same thing, he's still hurting?]

[goatsongs]

It's not your fault. Just - just-

[He gives up on words, gives up on denial, and hugs her.

He's the nearest book.]

I'm in pain????????

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu gasps, her eyes going wide. Her arms still tight around the not-him book, she can't make herself move or talk. What? What?????? Help why what is she doing something good he's sad is this helping??? She always wanted someone to hug her in the middle of a library, usually someone he's yelled at her for dreaming about, but this is the scary person she's not sure why she hangs around. He's not yelling at her. Help.

She drops the book and hugs him.]

I'm sorry.