early deathday post, open to his cr from anywhere, game or psl

[goatsongs]

[Starting around the 15th of October, until the 22nd, Chuuya starts acting weirdly.

He doesn't want to be alone, ever. He won't go as far as physically clinging to you, but he'll make up excuses for joining you in whatever you're doing, even if it's as boring as watching grass grow. He's not as argumentative or bristly as he usually is.

He overeats, to the point of being bloated, and if he's questioned on it he gives a pained expression and changes the subject.

He doesn't drink alcohol. Not even one drop.

Whether you're in the National Library, or the City, or Yokohama, or anywhere - this is all alarming behavior for Chuuya. It might be time to ask him if something's going on.

Or you could just yell at him for bothering you for the third time in as many days, that's fine too, but don't be too surprised if you bring him to extremely uncharacteristic tears.]

Comments

[aquaticrush]

...I'm sorry. I wish I knew or that I could help somehow. You were brought back as a ghost to do good, right? Maybe... I'm sorry. You deserve better.

[goatsongs]

...You don't need to be sorry if it isn't your fault.

[He knows that he's a hypocrite, saying that, but Retasu isn't his family - it's not her responsibility to protect him, to comfort him.]

[aquaticrush]

But if you're a ghost, I think that means you have unfinished business. That means I should be helping you with it so you can be happy.

[goatsongs]

I'm here to protect literature. It doesn't have anything to do with my pain.

[He'll still be in pain when he disappears.]

[aquaticrush]

You could disappear even when nothing's gotten better at all?

[goatsongs]

Some things are more important than just me.

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu quivers. She hugs the nearest book to herself.]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[Why is being chosen to protect the world doing so much good for her, but after being summoned for almost the same thing, he's still hurting?]

[goatsongs]

It's not your fault. Just - just-

[He gives up on words, gives up on denial, and hugs her.

He's the nearest book.]

I'm in pain????????

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu gasps, her eyes going wide. Her arms still tight around the not-him book, she can't make herself move or talk. What? What?????? Help why what is she doing something good he's sad is this helping??? She always wanted someone to hug her in the middle of a library, usually someone he's yelled at her for dreaming about, but this is the scary person she's not sure why she hangs around. He's not yelling at her. Help.

She drops the book and hugs him.]

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry :<

[goatsongs]

[He knows what he's like. He knows that he's more prone to yelling at her than comforting her, especially when it's about people she has crushes on - people who are dead and can't give her a stable relationship like she deserves. He knows he's almost always drunk, and rarely kind.

He knows he doesn't deserve her.

He's still holding onto her like she's his last lifeline in this world.]

Just don't go. Please don't go.

[Don't leave him alone.]

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu sniffles. Of course she knows what he's worried about. His real family isn't something he talks about, but it's easy to find in a history textbook. Now he doesn't have any of them, and from how he's speaking, he thinks it's his fault. Just like she'd always thought it was her fault when she didn't have friends, but he's always had it much worse.

Maybe this weird, lonely genetic freak child who only knows he's alive because the wait staff at a restaurant messed up is the closest thing to family he's got now.

She shakes her head and stays there, terrified they'll be yelled at, because he should have his real child instead of her and he can't.]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I won't.

[goatsongs]

[He can't have his child. And he can't call Retasu a replacement either - she's nothing like his sons. She's about ten years older, for one thing.

Right now, though, he just needs someone to lean on.]

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Retasu.

[For everything he's done to her, no matter how little of it was with cruel intentions.]

[aquaticrush]

[She stands there, shaking, looks around the library in fear that someone will come and yell. Doesn't move. This is scaring her, too, but it's someone who needs her, because he can't have anyone better with him right now.]

It's... It'll be okay. Sometimes you scare me, but I know you're trying to do good things.

[goatsongs]

You deserve better. You shouldn't have to-

[He's crying. How long has he been crying? He raises a shaky hand to wipe tears from his face.]

You shouldn't have to.

[aquaticrush]

But...

[But if she didn't have to, she'd be too scared, and he needs help. She needs to be there to help even when it terrifies her. That applies to the planet, to making new friends, and to helping the scary yelling man when he's sad and needs a hug.]

I need to. I need to help you.

[goatsongs]

You don't. I don't even treat you well, how could you need to help someone like me?

[Someone who pushes people away because he doesn't know how to do anything else.]

[aquaticrush]

[sniff] Because it's the right thing to do, and, um... well, I used to hang around with people who picked on me all the time because I was trying to be useful to them. So, um, I'm used to it. Being yelled at.

[goatsongs]

That doesn't mean you have to be the one to put up with me! Hell, you should have a break from assholes who yell at you for no reason!

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu flinches. She pulls back a little, but is still hugging small angry man.]

I'm sorry! I really am! But you deserve to be happy for once.

[goatsongs]

[Yelling at people that they shouldn't let people yell at them is a bad idea? Huh.]

Not more than you do.

[aquaticrush]

[sniff]

I'm sorry. I just wanted to be useful.

[goatsongs]

You don't have to make everything perfect to be useful.

[...After a moment, he pats her gently on the head.]

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu sniffles and blinks a few times.]

Is... is it okay if I still want to be your friend? Or, um, I suppose that's a little strange since you're an adult and a ghost, but at least someone who helps you.

[goatsongs]

We can be friends.

[As much as he's friends with Kenji or Niimi, children younger than Retasu.]

[aquaticrush]

[Retasu slowly smiles, fearful but hoping.]

I-I'll do my best, Nakahara-san! Thank you!