[With them positioned the way they are, Shuji's almost certain Akutagawa won't notice Shuji getting hard. That's good, because although he can keep quiet and force himself to breathe steadily, there's nothing he can do about his body's reaction to having Akutagawa rutting against him as Shuji 'sleeps'.
He's going to have to take care of this. Not now, but - after Akutagawa has come. After he's come-
-and Shuji's sure he wouldn't risk coming over Shuji's body but he can't help but imagine what it would look like, come splattered over Shuji's ass and dripping down his legs-
-after that happens, and Akutagawa falls asleep, he'll have to slip out of bed and take care of himself. As long as he controls his reactions and lasts until then, he'll forgive himself for imagining Akutagawa instead of his boyfriend, he tells himself. All he has to do is stay still and silent.]
[ thankfully for shuji, akutagawa is so engrossed in his pleasure that eventually, with a stuttering rhythm and a gasp against the back of his neck, he's able to finish. he spends a few minutes laying there, breathing hard and deep, before scooting back slowly and cleaning himself up as best he can without making too much noise. even if he can use the excuse of needing to use the bathroom if shuji wakes up and catches him trying to hide his wrongdoing, akutagawa still wants to avoid any sort of potential confrontation.
so, he's quiet, slow, methodical-- and eventually he's able to slip back into bed and sidle his way up to shuji once again. this time, he doesn't curl their bodies together; akutagawa keeps some distance between them so he can try to pretend what he'd just done never transpired. ]
[Shuji waits while Akutagawa cleans up. He waits longer still, until he's sure that Akutagawa has fallen asleep. Then, finally, he slowly climbs out of bed and heads to the bathroom.
Once inside with the door locked, he shoves his pajama bottoms down along with the underwear, freeing his aching cock that's been neglected all this time. He jerks himself with quick, uneven strokes, unable to think of anything but how Akutagawa's cock had felt against his ass, how hot his breath was on his neck, and what he might have done if Shuji had turned around and revealed that he was awake. Would he have refused to come near Shuji again out of shame? Would he have pretended that nothing was happening?
Or would he have taken Shuji's cock in hand and stroked it just like this, with no need to be silent or subtle, and let Shuji be as loud as he wanted to while Shuji did the same to him-
Shuji comes quickly. He cleans himself off and makes sure there isn't a speck of evidence left on him before he slides back into bed with Akutagawa.
The next morning, no one says anything. The storm hasn't let up, so the day is spent more carefully counting their supplies (about two weeks worth) and trying to get a cell phone signal (no success).
Evening comes again, and the candles are blown out. This time, Shuji has his back to the outside of the bed before Akutagawa can even climb in.]
It's colder if you're closer to the wall, so trading off is fair...
[He's not wrong, and he manages to say it without his face or voice giving away his reason for switching positions. If Akutagawa is facing away from him, he won't be tempted to do anything strange, and the night will pass uneventfully.
...Or, it should.
Whoever's facing which direction, the bed really isn't meant for two, and so Shuji has to be pressed up close to Akutagawa to preserve body heat and to not fall off the bed. With his nose pressed up against Akutagawa's neck and his body pressed to the curve of Akutagawa's back...
This is a problem. Shuji was quiet through Akutagawa rocking against him, but there's no way he can be totally quiet getting himself off. If he does it here, Akutagawa will definitely wake up at some point.
But... it's not like he could condemn Shuji for it when he did the same thing... and he might be a deep enough sleeper to just sleep through it...
Gently, Shuji rocks against Akutagawa's back a couple times, waiting to see if that wakes Akutagawa. Even that light friction sends a shudder through him, and he knows that this is a terrible idea.]
[ while he wouldn't say it was difficult to face shuji the next day, he was able to keep his usual fragile mask of indifference up as if nothing were amiss. furhermore, shuji didn't bring up anything about not being able to sleep well, so akutagawa can't help but relish in the guilty, disgusted pleasure of knowing he got away with what he did. maybe this is a sign that since he got it out of his system, he should be more cautious or just plain forthright and steal away to the bathroom whenever his already-persistent thoughts of his friend become too much.
trading off positions due to the disparities in the temperature makes a little too much sense to him, so akutagawa doesn't protest or think anything of it. if anything, he wishes shuji had told him sooner. maybe this disgusting incident wouldn't have happened otherwise.
the difference in the temperatures isn't too bad, he thinks when he curls up in front of shuji, against the wall, back to him. it's no more or less easy to get comfortable than it is behind him, or so he thinks. akutagawa is able to drift off, but staying asleep completely becomes impossible when he feels the enirety of shuji's body pressed flush to his.
it's an eerily similar situation, but akutagawa tries continue feigning sleep. even when he feels shuji's hips pressing against his. even when something distinctly firmer is prodding at his ass, he remains still, keeping his breathing even. he knows what's happening. he can't help but crave it somewhat too. akutagawa knows he should be ashamed, but he just isn't. ]
[There's no reaction that Shuji can see, but he also knows what happened yesterday, knows that Akutagawa could be feigning sleep the same way Shuji did. He's not going to fool himself into believing that he'd be able to tell.
But - maybe the important thing isn't whether or not Akutagawa is asleep, but whether Shuji can plausibly claim he thought Akutagawa was asleep. As long as he's careful enough, they don't have to acknowledge that this happened.
Shuji ruts against Akutagawa's ass a few more times, finding a slow rhythm - but it isn't enough. This friction isn't enough, and the longer he's unsatisfied the more likely he is to break the illusion of secrecy.
With a trembling hand, he pulls down the front of his pajama pants, just enough so that when he presses his cock between Akutagawa's thighs again, only the thinner fabric of his boxers separates them. He sucks in a sharp breath, then covers his mouth with his hand.]
[ at first he isn't sure what's happening behind him when the rubbing and rutting stops; he hears the shuffling of what he assumes are clothes since the blanket isn't really moving, but then he really feels something warm and firm easing itself between his thighs, and that's when it becomes immediately clear what's happening.
akutagawa is alarmed by how fine with it he is, shuji's barely audible breath sending a shiver through his whole body that he prays goes unnoticed. he wants badly to even back into him or twist his hips to give shuji as much friction as possible, but that's definitely not going to happen.
once shuji finishes some time later though, akutagawa steals away to imagine just that. bending himself over to let shuji fuck his thighs, making a mess all over him, the hot fluid of his cum dripping between his legs in a filthy wet trail. muffling the noise of his own orgasm is tough, and he barely succeeds, although a twisted part of him wonders if maybe shuji is still awake, feigning sleep himself, and heard akutagawa's soft ragged breaths, or the wet noises of slick skin being jerked rough and fast.
whatever the case may be, he's relieved when he's able to fall asleep soon after, though he ends up waking surprisingly late into the morning. ]
[After exhausting himself and carefully cleaning the evidence up, Shuji'd managed to fall asleep. They'd both slept in, but with the storm still raging, it's not like they can really do anything. Shuji makes them both breakfast, and neither of them mention anything strange that might have happened the previous night.
That night they trade positions again, which has Shuji facing the wall and Akutagawa up against his back. There's no way he can possibly get to sleep when he's anticipating what Akutagawa might do - but he has to at least pretend to be asleep before Akutagawa will make a move.
He holds still and tries to keep his breathing steady, and not think too hard about what might happen lest he prevent it from happening at all.]
[ the uneventfulness of their days in confinement almost make this game they're playing, whatever it may be called and whatever the prize entails, more and more prevalent in his mind. of course he's attracted to his friend, shuji is gorgeous and bright. akutagawa knows how inappropriate it is, given that he has a boyfriend and the fact idols aren't allowed to date anyway, but he stopped caring long, long ago. shuji's soft, coy little smile make it hard to fixate on anything but wanting to be close to him.
akutagawa hopes to god shuji doesn't notice his lingering stares subtle attempts at inching closer and closer to him while they sit together during the day. if he did, and somehow happened to catch him at night-- that's it, this game is over along with shuji's trust in him.
it shouldn't be thrilling, but it is.
by the time they're spooning in bed together and akutagawa has begun the traditional grind against shuji's ass in greeting, the tension has become a bit too much for him. shuji is a heavy sleeper, so akutagawa decides to take it a step further tonight. maybe if the next time he comes is more satisfying, he'll stop this sordid game?
akutagawa eases his cock out of his pajama pants, the hot weight of his arousal a strong contrast to the chill of the snowy air outside even beneath all these blankets. with slow strokes, akutagawa tilts his head to take deep breaths full of shujis' scent; he can practically taste him as he sniffs the nape of his neck, the collar of his shirt-- he even noses his hair a bit, sucking in a slow, barely-there breath to surround himself with shuji's sweet scent as he jerks himself off.
he catches his own mess in his hand before doing as he normally would, scurrying to the bathroom to clean himself up and visually absolve himself of any wrongdoing. it feels odd when he slides back into bed and fits himself against shuji's back once again. ]
[Shuji wonders how Akutagawa thinks he's sleeping through this - how anyone would sleep through Akutagawa jerking himself off with his nose pressed against Shuji's neck. Maybe he knows Shuji's awake despite his attempts to pretend otherwise. Maybe both of them know what game they're playing by now.
Maybe Shuji doesn't wait as long for Akutagawa to fall asleep this time before he takes his cock in his own hand and gives himself a few strokes. The thought of what Akutagawa must have looked like as he got himself off to Shuji's scent has him shivering - but it's not enough.
Slowly, very slowly, Shuji reaches behind him to take Akutagawa's hand. If there's the slightest hint of Akutagawa's movement he'll stop - but if not, he'll wrap that hand around his cock instead.
It's wrong. Of course it's wrong. But it feels too good for Shuji to resist.]
[ maybe part of him wants shuji to be cognizant and aware, so he can be the first to cave and admit theyr're playing a strange game together, embroiled in this strange tension that has no real solution in sight aside from one possible thing. after all, there's that saying-- if everyone's guilty then no one is guilty. they're both doing this. whatever it is they're after, they both obviously want it.
feeling shuji guiding his hand to what akutagawa assumes is around his waist isn't all that alarming at first; it makes sense, given the perpetual chill in the air. however, when he feels something hot and smooth and firm in his palm, followed by shuji gently closing urging his fingers to curl around it, akutagawa knows what's happening and god, it's a good thing he came earlier, otherwise the inevitable erection would give him away easily.
he can imagine how revulsed shuji feels with himself, but the reason akutagawa has to put in a tremendous amount of effort to remain still and continue feigning sleep is because he wants this so badly. shuji's dick is so thick in his hand-- what he wouldn't give to just roll shuji over onto his back and suck his cock into his mouth instead.
but, that's not an option, so he lays there in resignation. ]
[Akutagawa is silent and still, and though Shuji is filled with shame and guilt over what he's doing, it's not enough to stop him.
He guides Akutagawa's hand up and down his cock, slow and long strokes - anything faster would be tempting fate when this is already dangerous enough. He shudders at Akutagawa's touch, his breath coming heavier and heavier with each stroke.
When he comes, it's over Akutagawa's hand. After he catches his breath, Shuji reaches for a tissue and cleans him up carefully. If having evidence on himself is bad, then leaving a speck of evidence on Akutagawa would be worse.
The next day, nothing is different. Shuji makes breakfast and they sit close together. Shuji sighs about how if he knew he'd be gone this long he'd have brought his medication. At least sleeping pills don't have too bad withdrawal symptoms.]
[ god, what akutagawa wouldn't give to be awake right now; he wants desperately to be able to give shuji the touches he deserves, and to clean his pretty hand up with his tongue. the worst part of it all was having to wait so long before he could take care of himself. when he came in the bathroom, shuji's name was on his lips, soundless and coming from deep in his core.
as usual, nothing interesting occurs the next day either, though akutagawa's finding himself unconsciously gravitating closer towards shuji. that's how he catches the partial murmur of his voice mentioning his medicine. ]
[It's difficult, it's so difficult not to just drop all pretense and say 'I was awake for you rubbing against me'. Shuji doesn't know how he keeps from saying that.
What he does say isn't much better.]
Not really... I'm sorry if I kept you awake.
[It's a miracle he keeps a straight face for that and doesn't end up blushing or stammering.]
[ it is indeed a miracle, because akutagawa coughs, once, twice, behind the back of his hand. he's amazed shuji said that with a straight face as well. it's... akutagawa knows they shouldn't be entrenched in this game they're playing, he's known it for a long time, and shuji certainly does too. it's only going to make things more awkward from here, isn't it? akutagawa doesn't know what he would do if anything were to spoil this friendship they've built after so many months and experiences together.
this is cutting it too close... they both know what's happening. there's no way shuji isn't aware.
but still... akutagawa swallows hard and shakes his head. ]
You've done no such thing. It's alright. I apologize if I've done the same somehow.
[ he spends a moment thinking of whether or not he should suggest they sleeping separately, but is quick to decide that's a terrible idea. regardless of whether or not they continue this scandalous game, the fact of the matter is it's still too cold and risky to not share body heat like shuji had suggested initially. ]
[Far too close. They both know, they've both apologized. This should be the end.
That night, Shuji climbs in bed with his face to the wall, Akutagawa against his back. They both know, they've broken the illusion of not knowing. Maybe tonight, nothing will happen, and they'll all get a good night's sleep.]
[ if only it were so simple. akutagawa manages to fall asleep thinking he's done a good enough job at keeping his hands to himself, but his subconscious doesn't let him or his desires off the hook so easily.
of course he dreams of shuji; shuji's lips all pink and soft and pretty. shuji's pale skin, all the dips and slopes of his slight and budding muscle, smooth and a little cool to the touch because of the cold around them prickling it, but somehow retaining warmth still. the way shuji's hand felt around his own as he guided it up and down his cock, and the way he felt against his hand, thick and heavy, this perfect size akutagawa would give anything to taste, maybe even mount if shuji let him.
unfortunately, it has akutagawa hitching his hips forward in the waking world, unaware of how his half-hard cock keeps bumping into the familiar plushness of shuji's ass once again, just like it would in the beginning of this game he didn't really want to end. he even murmurs and moans shuji's name sometimes, along with mindless half-praises. so good, beautiful, so good. ]
[Shuji's mistake was relaxing. He's only human (mostly), and his reserves of self-control are limited. If they ended things there, then he could finally let his guard down and not worry about staying still and silent. He might actually get some sleep.
But they don't end things there. Akutagawa rubbing against him in his sleep and moaning his name cannot be called ending things, and Shuji - Shuji's self-control splinters and shatters, and he decides that he would rather be disgusted with himself than try to hold on any longer.
He turns around to face Akutagawa, pulls down his pajama pants and underwear, and sucks his cock into his mouth. Akutagawa will definitely wake up and there's no denying what they're doing, but he just doesn't care. The taste and feel of Akutagawa's cock thick in his mouth is more than enough to shut down all other concerns.]
[ he's so absorbed in this sordid, lewd dream that when he feels that hot, velvety wetness around his cock he almost thinks he's still dreaming-- but after a few desperate sucks, akutagawa knows what's happening, and he's definitely wide awake now. ]
Shuji--
[ the way he groans the other man's name out isn't in disgust or anger; there's a raw need to it, and even some measure of relief. akutagawa's wanted this for so long, they've both wanted this so badly. akutagawa is completely guiltless when he reaches down to thread his fingers through shuji's hair in an encouraging manner, his hips bucking into the taller man's mouth. ]
[Akutagawa would have every right to pull Shuji off his cock, but he doesn't, and that's all Shuji wants. That and the bucking of his hips to push his cock further into Shuji's mouth, down his throat - and Akutagawa's fingers in Shuji's hair, and his moan-
There's a lot that Shuji wants, actually, but being allowed to continue sucking on Akutagawa's cock is the most important. He hollows his cheeks around him, sucking harder to try to get a louder moan.]
[ akutagawa feels vile for how glad he is that one of them finally caved to their desires, in the real world even. akutagawa almost wishes he had been courageous enough to jump shuji or told him what really was on his mind, had confessed to his actions and his knowledge that shuji was aware too. maybe this could have happened sooner. it wouldn’t have bubbled over so intensely like this.
he doesn’t let himself dwell on it for much longer than that. this is electrifying, his body is burning up from both the intoxicating lust he’d been overcome with in his dream. he finds himself squeezing shuji’s hair and hissing as he thrusts into shuji’s mouth, fucking that sweet heat he’s fantasized about. ]
Shuji… Your mouth…
[ it’s so fucking hot, so fukcking good, akutagawa feels like such an idiot for letting this pass them by for so long. but he needs shuji to feel good too, he’s not the only one who deserves to enjoy this.
he gives the other man’s hair a light tug in a bid for his attention. ]
Come up here.
[ and when shuji does as asked, akutagawa pulls him into a nearly-crushing kiss. ]
[Shuji doesn't need much urging. He'd never be able to deny Akutagawa anything. It's almost painful to him to let Akutagawa's cock slip out of his mouth, but that kiss more than makes up for it.
Shuji kisses back, deep and hard and needy above all else, then whimpers against Akutagawa's mouth.]
I can't, I can't take it anymore, I need you-
[It doesn't matter if Akutagawa fucks him or he fucks Akutagawa or they suck each other off or anything - he just needs Akutagawa to let him come.]
[ akutagawa can sense the desperation radiating off shuji, and as they kiss, he quickly begins undoing the other man's pants, before easing his cock out as quickly as he can without hurting him.
he moans against shuji's lips as he gives his length a few long strokes; inching down a bit, akutagawa rolls them over, urging shuji onto his back, before shuffling between his legs to line their cocks against each other. he reaches between them, takes both their dicks in hand, and gives them both a hard stroke. ]
[The relief when Akutagawa finally strokes his cock is immeasurable. When he strokes both of them together, Shuji moans, shameless and as desperate as a dog in heat.
What strength he has is dedicated to rutting against Akutagawa, getting that much more friction between them as he gasps oh god, oh god, Akutagawa. There's no question just who he needs so badly.]
[ shuji's fervent movements are so, so good, akutagawa could forget they're surrounded by a blizzard because everything is so hot around him, he even uses his free hand to pull shuj down so he can fit their mouths together, sloppy and unrefined as he continues jerking them both off and rubbing the sensitive undersides of their dicks together. ]
When we get out of this... I'm going to fuck you properly.
[ he grits this out against shuji's lips as the pace of his hips' erratic snapping begins to pick up. he's ashamed of how close he is, but he can't help it. he's had to hold back how desperately he's wanted shuji for far too long; now that he has this gorgeous man above him, akutagawa can barely stand it. he's completely burning up for him. ]
[What blizzard? What 'out of this'? What else exists besides Akutagawa's mouth, Akutagawa's cock, Akutagawa's rough voice promising to fuck him?
Shuji jerks and gasps, a strangled cry of Aku- turning into a wordless moan as his body finds the release it's been longing for. He comes over Akutagawa's hand and his cock, continuing to rub against him even when pleasure turns to painful oversensitivity.]
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He's going to have to take care of this. Not now, but - after Akutagawa has come. After he's come-
-and Shuji's sure he wouldn't risk coming over Shuji's body but he can't help but imagine what it would look like, come splattered over Shuji's ass and dripping down his legs-
-after that happens, and Akutagawa falls asleep, he'll have to slip out of bed and take care of himself. As long as he controls his reactions and lasts until then, he'll forgive himself for imagining Akutagawa instead of his boyfriend, he tells himself. All he has to do is stay still and silent.]
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so, he's quiet, slow, methodical-- and eventually he's able to slip back into bed and sidle his way up to shuji once again. this time, he doesn't curl their bodies together; akutagawa keeps some distance between them so he can try to pretend what he'd just done never transpired. ]
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Once inside with the door locked, he shoves his pajama bottoms down along with the underwear, freeing his aching cock that's been neglected all this time. He jerks himself with quick, uneven strokes, unable to think of anything but how Akutagawa's cock had felt against his ass, how hot his breath was on his neck, and what he might have done if Shuji had turned around and revealed that he was awake. Would he have refused to come near Shuji again out of shame? Would he have pretended that nothing was happening?
Or would he have taken Shuji's cock in hand and stroked it just like this, with no need to be silent or subtle, and let Shuji be as loud as he wanted to while Shuji did the same to him-
Shuji comes quickly. He cleans himself off and makes sure there isn't a speck of evidence left on him before he slides back into bed with Akutagawa.
The next morning, no one says anything. The storm hasn't let up, so the day is spent more carefully counting their supplies (about two weeks worth) and trying to get a cell phone signal (no success).
Evening comes again, and the candles are blown out. This time, Shuji has his back to the outside of the bed before Akutagawa can even climb in.]
It's colder if you're closer to the wall, so trading off is fair...
[He's not wrong, and he manages to say it without his face or voice giving away his reason for switching positions. If Akutagawa is facing away from him, he won't be tempted to do anything strange, and the night will pass uneventfully.
...Or, it should.
Whoever's facing which direction, the bed really isn't meant for two, and so Shuji has to be pressed up close to Akutagawa to preserve body heat and to not fall off the bed. With his nose pressed up against Akutagawa's neck and his body pressed to the curve of Akutagawa's back...
This is a problem. Shuji was quiet through Akutagawa rocking against him, but there's no way he can be totally quiet getting himself off. If he does it here, Akutagawa will definitely wake up at some point.
But... it's not like he could condemn Shuji for it when he did the same thing... and he might be a deep enough sleeper to just sleep through it...
Gently, Shuji rocks against Akutagawa's back a couple times, waiting to see if that wakes Akutagawa. Even that light friction sends a shudder through him, and he knows that this is a terrible idea.]
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trading off positions due to the disparities in the temperature makes a little too much sense to him, so akutagawa doesn't protest or think anything of it. if anything, he wishes shuji had told him sooner. maybe this disgusting incident wouldn't have happened otherwise.
the difference in the temperatures isn't too bad, he thinks when he curls up in front of shuji, against the wall, back to him. it's no more or less easy to get comfortable than it is behind him, or so he thinks. akutagawa is able to drift off, but staying asleep completely becomes impossible when he feels the enirety of shuji's body pressed flush to his.
it's an eerily similar situation, but akutagawa tries continue feigning sleep. even when he feels shuji's hips pressing against his. even when something distinctly firmer is prodding at his ass, he remains still, keeping his breathing even. he knows what's happening. he can't help but crave it somewhat too. akutagawa knows he should be ashamed, but he just isn't. ]
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But - maybe the important thing isn't whether or not Akutagawa is asleep, but whether Shuji can plausibly claim he thought Akutagawa was asleep. As long as he's careful enough, they don't have to acknowledge that this happened.
Shuji ruts against Akutagawa's ass a few more times, finding a slow rhythm - but it isn't enough. This friction isn't enough, and the longer he's unsatisfied the more likely he is to break the illusion of secrecy.
With a trembling hand, he pulls down the front of his pajama pants, just enough so that when he presses his cock between Akutagawa's thighs again, only the thinner fabric of his boxers separates them. He sucks in a sharp breath, then covers his mouth with his hand.]
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akutagawa is alarmed by how fine with it he is, shuji's barely audible breath sending a shiver through his whole body that he prays goes unnoticed. he wants badly to even back into him or twist his hips to give shuji as much friction as possible, but that's definitely not going to happen.
once shuji finishes some time later though, akutagawa steals away to imagine just that. bending himself over to let shuji fuck his thighs, making a mess all over him, the hot fluid of his cum dripping between his legs in a filthy wet trail. muffling the noise of his own orgasm is tough, and he barely succeeds, although a twisted part of him wonders if maybe shuji is still awake, feigning sleep himself, and heard akutagawa's soft ragged breaths, or the wet noises of slick skin being jerked rough and fast.
whatever the case may be, he's relieved when he's able to fall asleep soon after, though he ends up waking surprisingly late into the morning. ]
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That night they trade positions again, which has Shuji facing the wall and Akutagawa up against his back. There's no way he can possibly get to sleep when he's anticipating what Akutagawa might do - but he has to at least pretend to be asleep before Akutagawa will make a move.
He holds still and tries to keep his breathing steady, and not think too hard about what might happen lest he prevent it from happening at all.]
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akutagawa hopes to god shuji doesn't notice his lingering stares subtle attempts at inching closer and closer to him while they sit together during the day. if he did, and somehow happened to catch him at night-- that's it, this game is over along with shuji's trust in him.
it shouldn't be thrilling, but it is.
by the time they're spooning in bed together and akutagawa has begun the traditional grind against shuji's ass in greeting, the tension has become a bit too much for him. shuji is a heavy sleeper, so akutagawa decides to take it a step further tonight. maybe if the next time he comes is more satisfying, he'll stop this sordid game?
akutagawa eases his cock out of his pajama pants, the hot weight of his arousal a strong contrast to the chill of the snowy air outside even beneath all these blankets. with slow strokes, akutagawa tilts his head to take deep breaths full of shujis' scent; he can practically taste him as he sniffs the nape of his neck, the collar of his shirt-- he even noses his hair a bit, sucking in a slow, barely-there breath to surround himself with shuji's sweet scent as he jerks himself off.
he catches his own mess in his hand before doing as he normally would, scurrying to the bathroom to clean himself up and visually absolve himself of any wrongdoing. it feels odd when he slides back into bed and fits himself against shuji's back once again. ]
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Maybe Shuji doesn't wait as long for Akutagawa to fall asleep this time before he takes his cock in his own hand and gives himself a few strokes. The thought of what Akutagawa must have looked like as he got himself off to Shuji's scent has him shivering - but it's not enough.
Slowly, very slowly, Shuji reaches behind him to take Akutagawa's hand. If there's the slightest hint of Akutagawa's movement he'll stop - but if not, he'll wrap that hand around his cock instead.
It's wrong. Of course it's wrong. But it feels too good for Shuji to resist.]
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feeling shuji guiding his hand to what akutagawa assumes is around his waist isn't all that alarming at first; it makes sense, given the perpetual chill in the air. however, when he feels something hot and smooth and firm in his palm, followed by shuji gently closing urging his fingers to curl around it, akutagawa knows what's happening and god, it's a good thing he came earlier, otherwise the inevitable erection would give him away easily.
he can imagine how revulsed shuji feels with himself, but the reason akutagawa has to put in a tremendous amount of effort to remain still and continue feigning sleep is because he wants this so badly. shuji's dick is so thick in his hand-- what he wouldn't give to just roll shuji over onto his back and suck his cock into his mouth instead.
but, that's not an option, so he lays there in resignation. ]
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He guides Akutagawa's hand up and down his cock, slow and long strokes - anything faster would be tempting fate when this is already dangerous enough. He shudders at Akutagawa's touch, his breath coming heavier and heavier with each stroke.
When he comes, it's over Akutagawa's hand. After he catches his breath, Shuji reaches for a tissue and cleans him up carefully. If having evidence on himself is bad, then leaving a speck of evidence on Akutagawa would be worse.
The next day, nothing is different. Shuji makes breakfast and they sit close together. Shuji sighs about how if he knew he'd be gone this long he'd have brought his medication. At least sleeping pills don't have too bad withdrawal symptoms.]
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as usual, nothing interesting occurs the next day either, though akutagawa's finding himself unconsciously gravitating closer towards shuji. that's how he catches the partial murmur of his voice mentioning his medicine. ]
...Have you not been sleeping well lately?
[ shit. ]
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What he does say isn't much better.]
Not really... I'm sorry if I kept you awake.
[It's a miracle he keeps a straight face for that and doesn't end up blushing or stammering.]
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this is cutting it too close... they both know what's happening. there's no way shuji isn't aware.
but still... akutagawa swallows hard and shakes his head. ]
You've done no such thing. It's alright. I apologize if I've done the same somehow.
[ he spends a moment thinking of whether or not he should suggest they sleeping separately, but is quick to decide that's a terrible idea. regardless of whether or not they continue this scandalous game, the fact of the matter is it's still too cold and risky to not share body heat like shuji had suggested initially. ]
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[Far too close. They both know, they've both apologized. This should be the end.
That night, Shuji climbs in bed with his face to the wall, Akutagawa against his back. They both know, they've broken the illusion of not knowing. Maybe tonight, nothing will happen, and they'll all get a good night's sleep.]
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of course he dreams of shuji; shuji's lips all pink and soft and pretty. shuji's pale skin, all the dips and slopes of his slight and budding muscle, smooth and a little cool to the touch because of the cold around them prickling it, but somehow retaining warmth still. the way shuji's hand felt around his own as he guided it up and down his cock, and the way he felt against his hand, thick and heavy, this perfect size akutagawa would give anything to taste, maybe even mount if shuji let him.
unfortunately, it has akutagawa hitching his hips forward in the waking world, unaware of how his half-hard cock keeps bumping into the familiar plushness of shuji's ass once again, just like it would in the beginning of this game he didn't really want to end. he even murmurs and moans shuji's name sometimes, along with mindless half-praises. so good, beautiful, so good. ]
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But they don't end things there. Akutagawa rubbing against him in his sleep and moaning his name cannot be called ending things, and Shuji - Shuji's self-control splinters and shatters, and he decides that he would rather be disgusted with himself than try to hold on any longer.
He turns around to face Akutagawa, pulls down his pajama pants and underwear, and sucks his cock into his mouth. Akutagawa will definitely wake up and there's no denying what they're doing, but he just doesn't care. The taste and feel of Akutagawa's cock thick in his mouth is more than enough to shut down all other concerns.]
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Shuji--
[ the way he groans the other man's name out isn't in disgust or anger; there's a raw need to it, and even some measure of relief. akutagawa's wanted this for so long, they've both wanted this so badly. akutagawa is completely guiltless when he reaches down to thread his fingers through shuji's hair in an encouraging manner, his hips bucking into the taller man's mouth. ]
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There's a lot that Shuji wants, actually, but being allowed to continue sucking on Akutagawa's cock is the most important. He hollows his cheeks around him, sucking harder to try to get a louder moan.]
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he doesn’t let himself dwell on it for much longer than that. this is electrifying, his body is burning up from both the intoxicating lust he’d been overcome with in his dream. he finds himself squeezing shuji’s hair and hissing as he thrusts into shuji’s mouth, fucking that sweet heat he’s fantasized about. ]
Shuji… Your mouth…
[ it’s so fucking hot, so fukcking good, akutagawa feels like such an idiot for letting this pass them by for so long. but he needs shuji to feel good too, he’s not the only one who deserves to enjoy this.
he gives the other man’s hair a light tug in a bid for his attention. ]
Come up here.
[ and when shuji does as asked, akutagawa pulls him into a nearly-crushing kiss. ]
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Shuji kisses back, deep and hard and needy above all else, then whimpers against Akutagawa's mouth.]
I can't, I can't take it anymore, I need you-
[It doesn't matter if Akutagawa fucks him or he fucks Akutagawa or they suck each other off or anything - he just needs Akutagawa to let him come.]
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he moans against shuji's lips as he gives his length a few long strokes; inching down a bit, akutagawa rolls them over, urging shuji onto his back, before shuffling between his legs to line their cocks against each other. he reaches between them, takes both their dicks in hand, and gives them both a hard stroke. ]
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What strength he has is dedicated to rutting against Akutagawa, getting that much more friction between them as he gasps oh god, oh god, Akutagawa. There's no question just who he needs so badly.]
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When we get out of this... I'm going to fuck you properly.
[ he grits this out against shuji's lips as the pace of his hips' erratic snapping begins to pick up. he's ashamed of how close he is, but he can't help it. he's had to hold back how desperately he's wanted shuji for far too long; now that he has this gorgeous man above him, akutagawa can barely stand it. he's completely burning up for him. ]
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Shuji jerks and gasps, a strangled cry of Aku- turning into a wordless moan as his body finds the release it's been longing for. He comes over Akutagawa's hand and his cock, continuing to rub against him even when pleasure turns to painful oversensitivity.]
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