[ maybe part of him wants shuji to be cognizant and aware, so he can be the first to cave and admit theyr're playing a strange game together, embroiled in this strange tension that has no real solution in sight aside from one possible thing. after all, there's that saying-- if everyone's guilty then no one is guilty. they're both doing this. whatever it is they're after, they both obviously want it.
feeling shuji guiding his hand to what akutagawa assumes is around his waist isn't all that alarming at first; it makes sense, given the perpetual chill in the air. however, when he feels something hot and smooth and firm in his palm, followed by shuji gently closing urging his fingers to curl around it, akutagawa knows what's happening and god, it's a good thing he came earlier, otherwise the inevitable erection would give him away easily.
he can imagine how revulsed shuji feels with himself, but the reason akutagawa has to put in a tremendous amount of effort to remain still and continue feigning sleep is because he wants this so badly. shuji's dick is so thick in his hand-- what he wouldn't give to just roll shuji over onto his back and suck his cock into his mouth instead.
but, that's not an option, so he lays there in resignation. ]
[Akutagawa is silent and still, and though Shuji is filled with shame and guilt over what he's doing, it's not enough to stop him.
He guides Akutagawa's hand up and down his cock, slow and long strokes - anything faster would be tempting fate when this is already dangerous enough. He shudders at Akutagawa's touch, his breath coming heavier and heavier with each stroke.
When he comes, it's over Akutagawa's hand. After he catches his breath, Shuji reaches for a tissue and cleans him up carefully. If having evidence on himself is bad, then leaving a speck of evidence on Akutagawa would be worse.
The next day, nothing is different. Shuji makes breakfast and they sit close together. Shuji sighs about how if he knew he'd be gone this long he'd have brought his medication. At least sleeping pills don't have too bad withdrawal symptoms.]
[ god, what akutagawa wouldn't give to be awake right now; he wants desperately to be able to give shuji the touches he deserves, and to clean his pretty hand up with his tongue. the worst part of it all was having to wait so long before he could take care of himself. when he came in the bathroom, shuji's name was on his lips, soundless and coming from deep in his core.
as usual, nothing interesting occurs the next day either, though akutagawa's finding himself unconsciously gravitating closer towards shuji. that's how he catches the partial murmur of his voice mentioning his medicine. ]
[It's difficult, it's so difficult not to just drop all pretense and say 'I was awake for you rubbing against me'. Shuji doesn't know how he keeps from saying that.
What he does say isn't much better.]
Not really... I'm sorry if I kept you awake.
[It's a miracle he keeps a straight face for that and doesn't end up blushing or stammering.]
[ it is indeed a miracle, because akutagawa coughs, once, twice, behind the back of his hand. he's amazed shuji said that with a straight face as well. it's... akutagawa knows they shouldn't be entrenched in this game they're playing, he's known it for a long time, and shuji certainly does too. it's only going to make things more awkward from here, isn't it? akutagawa doesn't know what he would do if anything were to spoil this friendship they've built after so many months and experiences together.
this is cutting it too close... they both know what's happening. there's no way shuji isn't aware.
but still... akutagawa swallows hard and shakes his head. ]
You've done no such thing. It's alright. I apologize if I've done the same somehow.
[ he spends a moment thinking of whether or not he should suggest they sleeping separately, but is quick to decide that's a terrible idea. regardless of whether or not they continue this scandalous game, the fact of the matter is it's still too cold and risky to not share body heat like shuji had suggested initially. ]
[Far too close. They both know, they've both apologized. This should be the end.
That night, Shuji climbs in bed with his face to the wall, Akutagawa against his back. They both know, they've broken the illusion of not knowing. Maybe tonight, nothing will happen, and they'll all get a good night's sleep.]
[ if only it were so simple. akutagawa manages to fall asleep thinking he's done a good enough job at keeping his hands to himself, but his subconscious doesn't let him or his desires off the hook so easily.
of course he dreams of shuji; shuji's lips all pink and soft and pretty. shuji's pale skin, all the dips and slopes of his slight and budding muscle, smooth and a little cool to the touch because of the cold around them prickling it, but somehow retaining warmth still. the way shuji's hand felt around his own as he guided it up and down his cock, and the way he felt against his hand, thick and heavy, this perfect size akutagawa would give anything to taste, maybe even mount if shuji let him.
unfortunately, it has akutagawa hitching his hips forward in the waking world, unaware of how his half-hard cock keeps bumping into the familiar plushness of shuji's ass once again, just like it would in the beginning of this game he didn't really want to end. he even murmurs and moans shuji's name sometimes, along with mindless half-praises. so good, beautiful, so good. ]
[Shuji's mistake was relaxing. He's only human (mostly), and his reserves of self-control are limited. If they ended things there, then he could finally let his guard down and not worry about staying still and silent. He might actually get some sleep.
But they don't end things there. Akutagawa rubbing against him in his sleep and moaning his name cannot be called ending things, and Shuji - Shuji's self-control splinters and shatters, and he decides that he would rather be disgusted with himself than try to hold on any longer.
He turns around to face Akutagawa, pulls down his pajama pants and underwear, and sucks his cock into his mouth. Akutagawa will definitely wake up and there's no denying what they're doing, but he just doesn't care. The taste and feel of Akutagawa's cock thick in his mouth is more than enough to shut down all other concerns.]
[ he's so absorbed in this sordid, lewd dream that when he feels that hot, velvety wetness around his cock he almost thinks he's still dreaming-- but after a few desperate sucks, akutagawa knows what's happening, and he's definitely wide awake now. ]
Shuji--
[ the way he groans the other man's name out isn't in disgust or anger; there's a raw need to it, and even some measure of relief. akutagawa's wanted this for so long, they've both wanted this so badly. akutagawa is completely guiltless when he reaches down to thread his fingers through shuji's hair in an encouraging manner, his hips bucking into the taller man's mouth. ]
[Akutagawa would have every right to pull Shuji off his cock, but he doesn't, and that's all Shuji wants. That and the bucking of his hips to push his cock further into Shuji's mouth, down his throat - and Akutagawa's fingers in Shuji's hair, and his moan-
There's a lot that Shuji wants, actually, but being allowed to continue sucking on Akutagawa's cock is the most important. He hollows his cheeks around him, sucking harder to try to get a louder moan.]
[ akutagawa feels vile for how glad he is that one of them finally caved to their desires, in the real world even. akutagawa almost wishes he had been courageous enough to jump shuji or told him what really was on his mind, had confessed to his actions and his knowledge that shuji was aware too. maybe this could have happened sooner. it wouldn’t have bubbled over so intensely like this.
he doesn’t let himself dwell on it for much longer than that. this is electrifying, his body is burning up from both the intoxicating lust he’d been overcome with in his dream. he finds himself squeezing shuji’s hair and hissing as he thrusts into shuji’s mouth, fucking that sweet heat he’s fantasized about. ]
Shuji… Your mouth…
[ it’s so fucking hot, so fukcking good, akutagawa feels like such an idiot for letting this pass them by for so long. but he needs shuji to feel good too, he’s not the only one who deserves to enjoy this.
he gives the other man’s hair a light tug in a bid for his attention. ]
Come up here.
[ and when shuji does as asked, akutagawa pulls him into a nearly-crushing kiss. ]
[Shuji doesn't need much urging. He'd never be able to deny Akutagawa anything. It's almost painful to him to let Akutagawa's cock slip out of his mouth, but that kiss more than makes up for it.
Shuji kisses back, deep and hard and needy above all else, then whimpers against Akutagawa's mouth.]
I can't, I can't take it anymore, I need you-
[It doesn't matter if Akutagawa fucks him or he fucks Akutagawa or they suck each other off or anything - he just needs Akutagawa to let him come.]
[ akutagawa can sense the desperation radiating off shuji, and as they kiss, he quickly begins undoing the other man's pants, before easing his cock out as quickly as he can without hurting him.
he moans against shuji's lips as he gives his length a few long strokes; inching down a bit, akutagawa rolls them over, urging shuji onto his back, before shuffling between his legs to line their cocks against each other. he reaches between them, takes both their dicks in hand, and gives them both a hard stroke. ]
[The relief when Akutagawa finally strokes his cock is immeasurable. When he strokes both of them together, Shuji moans, shameless and as desperate as a dog in heat.
What strength he has is dedicated to rutting against Akutagawa, getting that much more friction between them as he gasps oh god, oh god, Akutagawa. There's no question just who he needs so badly.]
[ shuji's fervent movements are so, so good, akutagawa could forget they're surrounded by a blizzard because everything is so hot around him, he even uses his free hand to pull shuj down so he can fit their mouths together, sloppy and unrefined as he continues jerking them both off and rubbing the sensitive undersides of their dicks together. ]
When we get out of this... I'm going to fuck you properly.
[ he grits this out against shuji's lips as the pace of his hips' erratic snapping begins to pick up. he's ashamed of how close he is, but he can't help it. he's had to hold back how desperately he's wanted shuji for far too long; now that he has this gorgeous man above him, akutagawa can barely stand it. he's completely burning up for him. ]
[What blizzard? What 'out of this'? What else exists besides Akutagawa's mouth, Akutagawa's cock, Akutagawa's rough voice promising to fuck him?
Shuji jerks and gasps, a strangled cry of Aku- turning into a wordless moan as his body finds the release it's been longing for. He comes over Akutagawa's hand and his cock, continuing to rub against him even when pleasure turns to painful oversensitivity.]
all that jolting and thrusting against him and those sweet cries shuji is giving out-- it's sublime, it's enough to send him careening over the edge, and feeds shuji a quick and guttural shout as he makes an even bigger mess on his hands and over their flushed, spent cocks.
he doesn't know how long they lay there, pressed together and gasping for air as they ride out the tremors of their long-sought orgasms, but it's akutagawa woh speaks first. ]
I have wanted you...for such a long time, Shuji... For far too long.
[Even when Shuji has recovered enough to move, he doesn't. He just stays where he is with his chest to Akutagawa's, and wraps his arms around Akutagawa in case he was thinking about moving for some reason.]
Me too. I think I was trying to deny it to myself until we came here.
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no subject
feeling shuji guiding his hand to what akutagawa assumes is around his waist isn't all that alarming at first; it makes sense, given the perpetual chill in the air. however, when he feels something hot and smooth and firm in his palm, followed by shuji gently closing urging his fingers to curl around it, akutagawa knows what's happening and god, it's a good thing he came earlier, otherwise the inevitable erection would give him away easily.
he can imagine how revulsed shuji feels with himself, but the reason akutagawa has to put in a tremendous amount of effort to remain still and continue feigning sleep is because he wants this so badly. shuji's dick is so thick in his hand-- what he wouldn't give to just roll shuji over onto his back and suck his cock into his mouth instead.
but, that's not an option, so he lays there in resignation. ]
no subject
He guides Akutagawa's hand up and down his cock, slow and long strokes - anything faster would be tempting fate when this is already dangerous enough. He shudders at Akutagawa's touch, his breath coming heavier and heavier with each stroke.
When he comes, it's over Akutagawa's hand. After he catches his breath, Shuji reaches for a tissue and cleans him up carefully. If having evidence on himself is bad, then leaving a speck of evidence on Akutagawa would be worse.
The next day, nothing is different. Shuji makes breakfast and they sit close together. Shuji sighs about how if he knew he'd be gone this long he'd have brought his medication. At least sleeping pills don't have too bad withdrawal symptoms.]
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as usual, nothing interesting occurs the next day either, though akutagawa's finding himself unconsciously gravitating closer towards shuji. that's how he catches the partial murmur of his voice mentioning his medicine. ]
...Have you not been sleeping well lately?
[ shit. ]
no subject
What he does say isn't much better.]
Not really... I'm sorry if I kept you awake.
[It's a miracle he keeps a straight face for that and doesn't end up blushing or stammering.]
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this is cutting it too close... they both know what's happening. there's no way shuji isn't aware.
but still... akutagawa swallows hard and shakes his head. ]
You've done no such thing. It's alright. I apologize if I've done the same somehow.
[ he spends a moment thinking of whether or not he should suggest they sleeping separately, but is quick to decide that's a terrible idea. regardless of whether or not they continue this scandalous game, the fact of the matter is it's still too cold and risky to not share body heat like shuji had suggested initially. ]
no subject
[Far too close. They both know, they've both apologized. This should be the end.
That night, Shuji climbs in bed with his face to the wall, Akutagawa against his back. They both know, they've broken the illusion of not knowing. Maybe tonight, nothing will happen, and they'll all get a good night's sleep.]
no subject
of course he dreams of shuji; shuji's lips all pink and soft and pretty. shuji's pale skin, all the dips and slopes of his slight and budding muscle, smooth and a little cool to the touch because of the cold around them prickling it, but somehow retaining warmth still. the way shuji's hand felt around his own as he guided it up and down his cock, and the way he felt against his hand, thick and heavy, this perfect size akutagawa would give anything to taste, maybe even mount if shuji let him.
unfortunately, it has akutagawa hitching his hips forward in the waking world, unaware of how his half-hard cock keeps bumping into the familiar plushness of shuji's ass once again, just like it would in the beginning of this game he didn't really want to end. he even murmurs and moans shuji's name sometimes, along with mindless half-praises. so good, beautiful, so good. ]
no subject
But they don't end things there. Akutagawa rubbing against him in his sleep and moaning his name cannot be called ending things, and Shuji - Shuji's self-control splinters and shatters, and he decides that he would rather be disgusted with himself than try to hold on any longer.
He turns around to face Akutagawa, pulls down his pajama pants and underwear, and sucks his cock into his mouth. Akutagawa will definitely wake up and there's no denying what they're doing, but he just doesn't care. The taste and feel of Akutagawa's cock thick in his mouth is more than enough to shut down all other concerns.]
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Shuji--
[ the way he groans the other man's name out isn't in disgust or anger; there's a raw need to it, and even some measure of relief. akutagawa's wanted this for so long, they've both wanted this so badly. akutagawa is completely guiltless when he reaches down to thread his fingers through shuji's hair in an encouraging manner, his hips bucking into the taller man's mouth. ]
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There's a lot that Shuji wants, actually, but being allowed to continue sucking on Akutagawa's cock is the most important. He hollows his cheeks around him, sucking harder to try to get a louder moan.]
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he doesn’t let himself dwell on it for much longer than that. this is electrifying, his body is burning up from both the intoxicating lust he’d been overcome with in his dream. he finds himself squeezing shuji’s hair and hissing as he thrusts into shuji’s mouth, fucking that sweet heat he’s fantasized about. ]
Shuji… Your mouth…
[ it’s so fucking hot, so fukcking good, akutagawa feels like such an idiot for letting this pass them by for so long. but he needs shuji to feel good too, he’s not the only one who deserves to enjoy this.
he gives the other man’s hair a light tug in a bid for his attention. ]
Come up here.
[ and when shuji does as asked, akutagawa pulls him into a nearly-crushing kiss. ]
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Shuji kisses back, deep and hard and needy above all else, then whimpers against Akutagawa's mouth.]
I can't, I can't take it anymore, I need you-
[It doesn't matter if Akutagawa fucks him or he fucks Akutagawa or they suck each other off or anything - he just needs Akutagawa to let him come.]
no subject
he moans against shuji's lips as he gives his length a few long strokes; inching down a bit, akutagawa rolls them over, urging shuji onto his back, before shuffling between his legs to line their cocks against each other. he reaches between them, takes both their dicks in hand, and gives them both a hard stroke. ]
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What strength he has is dedicated to rutting against Akutagawa, getting that much more friction between them as he gasps oh god, oh god, Akutagawa. There's no question just who he needs so badly.]
no subject
When we get out of this... I'm going to fuck you properly.
[ he grits this out against shuji's lips as the pace of his hips' erratic snapping begins to pick up. he's ashamed of how close he is, but he can't help it. he's had to hold back how desperately he's wanted shuji for far too long; now that he has this gorgeous man above him, akutagawa can barely stand it. he's completely burning up for him. ]
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Shuji jerks and gasps, a strangled cry of Aku- turning into a wordless moan as his body finds the release it's been longing for. He comes over Akutagawa's hand and his cock, continuing to rub against him even when pleasure turns to painful oversensitivity.]
no subject
all that jolting and thrusting against him and those sweet cries shuji is giving out-- it's sublime, it's enough to send him careening over the edge, and feeds shuji a quick and guttural shout as he makes an even bigger mess on his hands and over their flushed, spent cocks.
he doesn't know how long they lay there, pressed together and gasping for air as they ride out the tremors of their long-sought orgasms, but it's akutagawa woh speaks first. ]
I have wanted you...for such a long time, Shuji... For far too long.
no subject
Me too. I think I was trying to deny it to myself until we came here.
[That worked out so well.]