For ninjou.

[tenimuho]

[There are a lot of reasons why a person would want to humor an up-and-coming mafioso, likely to be one of the youngest executives if not the youngest executive in Port Mafia history.

But Odasaku doesn't really think of what he's doing right now, sitting down and playing video games with Dazai, as 'humoring' him. Even if he's not all that great at fighting games compared to Dazai, and even if it might be considered a little weird, a 20-year-old playing games with a 15-year-old...]

Oh, I lost again.

[...it's fun even when he loses, so he's playing.]

Good game. Want another round?

Comments

[ninjou]

[He wishes this could go on forever, but at least it's good. He's sensitive and numb at the same time, and he has tears rolling down his cheeks as he cries out again and again, a crescendo into one long, shaking sound when Odasaku's rhythm falters and his pace intensifies.]

[tenimuho]

[When Odasaku comes, he comes hard, spilling into Dazai with a deep groan and a few shallow last thrusts. He takes a few seconds just to come down and catch his breath.

...what did he just do?

The post-coital high doesn't last long for him. He pulls out of Dazai, carefully, and lays back onto the bed, all the thoughts of guilt and shame that had been kept away by endorphins rushing into his head at once.]

[ninjou]

[Dazai gasps and his face turns bright red when he feels Odasaku come, having not even remotely known what to expect. He can't believe how it feels, and he knows he'll crave it again once he can function.

But Odasaku pulls out and moves away, lays down on the bed and leaves Dazai to his own devices. The younger man tries to grasp for purchase on the sheets and fails, sliding down the side of the bed to his knees on the floor. He can feel everything now, all the pain, the mess... He presses his face to the sheets, ashamed.]

[tenimuho]

[...Right, he should. Say something. That's what you do when you take your underage friend's virginity.]

You're going to want to clean yourself up. It's not very pleasant-feeling otherwise.

[Condoms would have been smart, but hindsight, etc.]

[ninjou]

[It's... it sounds cold. Dazai thought it might be different. They could hold each other and sleep and he would feel good, but no. He's a damn mess. He nods, though it probably won't be seen, and struggles to his feet.]

I'm... sorry.

[It's fine. He has trouble walking, but he shuffles to the bathroom alone, closing and locking the door.]

[tenimuho]

[Well, he fucked that up.

Odasaku spends the time Dazai's in the bathroom finding some tissues to clean himself up with, and will be redressed whenever Dazai emerges.]

[ninjou]

[He wanted it to be special, but if Odasaku didn't like it, what was the point? He'll just hide in the bathroom for a good thirty minutes, briefly showering about halfway through it, spending the rest just sitting against the door.

When he comes out, he's wrapped in a towel, and has bandages back on his arms and neck.

And Odasaku is dressed.

Well, that answers that. No cuddling. No... anything intimate. It was physical and he got what he asked for. And Odasaku wants to leave.]

Um... Thanks.

[tenimuho]

I'm sorry.

[He shouldn't have done that. He should have just kept refusing. It would have been better for both of them. And he's the adult here - he has to be responsible even when Dazai isn't.

What was he even thinking?]

...I'm so sorry.

[ninjou]

You didn't want to do it, did you.

[He hangs his head before he closes his eyes.]

Fuck.

[Right. He's going back to the bathroom. His whole body aches. His heart hurts. He feels like an idiot. But he got what he said he wanted, on a surface level.]

I'm... sorry. I'm sorry. [Fucking. Fuck. All he wanted was to make Oda like him. What an idiot.] You should go. And... don't worry, I won't bother you again.

[tenimuho]

[He can't really deny that first part, so he doesn't try.]

...Alright.

[There should be something else for him to say, something that will make this less awkward and painful for both of them.]

Happy birthday.

[...That's probably not it, though. But Odasaku doesn't know what else to say.]

[ninjou]

[God.

He grips the bathroom door handle when he's wished a happy birthday, and he barely glances back. There's a scoff, and he sounds incredulous.]

Fuck you, too. I can't believe you led me on.

[tenimuho]

You asked. I said I would. I did.

[Nothing else was requested or discussed, so he hasn't broken any promises.]

[ninjou]

You didn't want me. I thought if I slept with you, you'd pay attention to me.

[He grits his teeth and turns back to him.]

Well, you did what you said you would. You fucked me. Congratulations.

[tenimuho]

[That's bitter, but mostly it just gets Odasaku to pause.]

I was already paying attention to you. That doesn't have anything to do with sex.

[ninjou]

I wanted more.

[He lets go of the door handle and walks toward Odasaku.]

Was I good, at least? Did you enjoy any of it? Or were you faking it?

[tenimuho]

...No, I wasn't faking it. It felt good.

[As long as he doesn't think about why he shouldn't touch Dazai, Odasaku finds him attractive.]

[ninjou]

And that's it?

[If you were wondering what a heartbroken heartless bastard looked like, this is it.]

I... that was my first time. It was good. And you didn't want it.

[tenimuho]

[That expression just makes him feel worse, which he completely and utterly deserves right now.]

I'm sorry. This is my fault.

[ninjou]

[Dazai tries to calm himself, takes a breath. He can't... do this. He raises his hand like he's going to slap him, but drops it after a moment.]

You shouldn't sleep with people unless you want to. Especially when they're... crazy about you.

[tenimuho]

[He should probably have slapped him, honestly.]

I know. I don't- [want to lose Dazai's friendship, but that might be a lost cause by now.]

...I wanted you to be happy.

[Is that even possible for Dazai?]

[ninjou]

I was.

[Before he just left him alone to deal with the aftermath.]

I was really happy. All you had to do was keep faking it until you left.

[tenimuho]

...I'm an idiot that way, I guess.

[Odasaku's a lot of things, but 'good at lying' is not one of them. He's a man with no hidden motives, after all.]

[ninjou]

Do you want to pretend like this never happened?

[He aches, inside and out.]

[tenimuho]

I don't think I should get to decide that.

[It wasn't his first time, and he's not the one with all the feelings that just were horribly crushed.]

[ninjou]

[Now he's getting backhanded.

And... spoken to in the voice he'll get to know better soon, when Dazai becomes an executive.]

I asked you a question. Answer it.