crowspace | call me out v. 11.0

[Akutagawa keeps tripping over his own words, but Dazai doesn't want to mock him. Or even tease him, since he feels like Akutagawa would take that the wrong way.]

Then, Akutagawa-sensei it is.

[Akutagawa's lucky their waitress returns about then, since it'll give him a minute to breathe without Dazai flustering him.]

[Unfortunately, Akutagawa hasn't given a moment's thought to what he should order. He glances back down at his menu and picks something light enough to sit comfortably in his stomach - probably something that resembles bird or rabbit food more closely than an omnivore's diet - then takes the opportunity of Dazai speaking with the waitress to look him over more closely.

Not stare, thankfully, since his gaze flicks all over Dazai's face and hair until they're once again facing each other.]

I still don't like being referred to as your sensei. You already have an Akutagawa-sensei in your life. [And Akutagawa's got this liiiiiittle issue about being replaceable in the eyes of Dazais.]

[Dazai orders crab - the Dazais are similar in the area of their taste in food, if not how they treat Akutagawas.]

You have a point... Well, would Akutagawa-sama work better?

[Akutagawa gives him another long, wary look at that - then sighs when he realizes Dazai still isn't asking such ludicrous questions to bait him into an incorrect answer. He's just... kind of silly about a lot of things, apparently.]

That's even more absurd.

[Don't look now, Dazai, but Akutagawa may have cracked the tiniest smile ever. Or at least a pre-smile relaxing of his lips ever so slightly upwards.]

[Dazai's that kind of person to say silly things, especially if-]

Maybe, but it got you to smile. That's worth being a little absurd.

[Akutagawa should smile more. Then Dazai wouldn't have to be so absurd.]

[And now Akutagawa's blushing again. He should give up on saving face at this point, because not only is it not going to happen the way he wants or expects, but it's not what Dazai wants in the slightest. Just this once, he's being encouraged not to lock himself inside a protective and numbing layer of ice that can only be melted by the white-hot fires of homicidal rage.

What are all the smaller, subtler emotions between those two poles? He knows their names, has seen them in others, but he's not sure how most of them would manifest in himself. For the time being, he just concentrates very hard on not losing his smile in the hot wash of embarrassment that consumes him - and he does relatively well, though the corners of his mouth do stiffen a touch.]

Now I do know what I expected, and why you surprised me. I expected the Dazai-san who created me, or perhaps the one who abandoned me, but never his opposite.

[Akutagawa is hard to read. Perhaps he's not used to showing emotions in the first place. Perhaps it's just the eyebrows that make his expressions look muted and strange.

Despite that, Dazai decides then and there that he'll make it his mission to make Akutagawa smile more often.]

I'm fine with that. You already have a Dazai-san in your life, I'd like to make you smile on my own merits.

[Hnnnnnn Dazai stop making him feel so warm inside. He's starting to worry about low-grade fever because nothing else has ever brought on this sort of diffuse, pleasant warmth all throughout his body.]

Then I should call you something else as well. If Dazai-kun isn't too familiar... [Since it's something he's heard around from those who didn't work beneath Dazai, and he's always envied them that familiarity.]

I don't mind it at all.

[Even if he's sure that he's older than this Akutagawa... it doesn't matter, who cares, Akutagawa's calling him Dazai-kun and it's cute.]

Akutagawa-san. I'm glad I was able to meet you.

[Akutagawa frowns uncertainly at Dazai, but this time it's not out of fear, only concern.]

You say that as though this will be the only time.

[Please please please please please don't let this be the only time. Please.]

No no no, that's not what I meant! I definitely want to take you out again!

[He has so many more date outfits to use and places to drag Akutagawa and and and!]

Oh. I see.

[He's pleased by the news, but as unsure how to show that as he is unsure how to show anything he feels in Dazai's company. Before he can come up with the right reaction, something else about Dazai's words sinks in - taking him out? Is that what Dazai's doing, and why he insisted on paying for the meal? - and brings a new sort of smile to his lips.

Dazed, disbelieving, but also just slightly smug.]

I see. [He nods to himself, then covers his mouth to hide an even broader smile. What is this, giddiness? Suddenly he feels... not lighter than air himself, but full of lightness. Effervescent, maybe.]

[The more Akutagawa smiles, the more Dazai is convinced that he should smile more. Even with his mouth hid behind his hand, Akutagawa more relaxed is really, really cute.]

If you don't mind, I mean...

[There's a touch of red in Dazai's cheeks. He thinks he won't be turned down, but he has to ask.]

[If Dazai thinks Akutagawa is cute right now, he should really see himself with his cheeks so rosy and his expression caught between uncertainty and joy. Or does he know exactly how lovely he is? Akutagawa doesn't even think that arrogance would bother him in this man, since he'd consider it justified - not unlike the way Chuuya preens and polishes his appearance to its best advantage, which generally results in him being the most attractive man in any given room.]

I still have no objection. Only the warning that I have little experience in being taken out this way, so I may continue to make mistakes for some time. [He bows his head briefly, then looks back up at Dazai with hilarious determination, given that he's talking about being taken on dates:] Rest assured, however, that I will make each mistake only once before correcting my behavior.

[Dazai has a certain amount of arrogance when it comes to his appearance, but he also puts a great deal of effort into looking attractive. He takes pride in his looks, not entirely unlike the way Akutagawa might take pride in his strength.

After all...

"It's a shame that Shuji is such an ugly child."

The kind of person that both Dazai and Akutagawa are see a weakness in themselves and work to correct it, so that no one can ever point it out again.]

Then, I'm looking forward to it ♥

[Akutagawa is still adorable, so determined to learn how to date...]

Is there anywhere you'd like to go in particular? Museums, aquariums, libraries...

[He's dating someone now. Akutagawa is dating someone. What a strange reality to be living, one he's never considered in any serious way.]

I enjoy art galleries and installations... preferably those with a historical focus rather than modern. [Thank god Dazai didn't suggest dance clubs or parties. In fact:] Everything you've suggested would also be acceptable. Quiet, uncrowded locations that inspire some form of contemplation tend to be those I favour.

[Dazai mentally crosses bars off his list of options.]

Alright. I promise that I will never drag you to a museum about me, it'd be awkward. The Dazai Osamu Memorial Museum is in Aomori anyway, so it's not a day trip.

[Not from Yokohama, anyway.]

[Most people would assume Dazai's joking at this point, but lacking as he is in the sense of humour department, Akutagawa takes every word seriously - after all, isn't everything about the situation that brought Dazai and the other authors here here strange and unsettling in some way?

There's just one part he can't let pass by without clarification.]

Memorial museum.

Yes, why is that-

-oh. No one told you we were spirits.

[Given that Akutagawa just found out about them at all, he supposes he should have expected that. But he was really hoping not to have to do this explanation, because he's not good at it.]

[Spirits... ah.

Little furrows start to spread between Akutagawa's eyes and across his brow until he's sporting an impressively deep frown, but that's as emotional as his reaction will get for the time being. Later, if he and Dazai get closer, there may be a more intense meltdown about the unfairness of this situation - for now, it'd probably be as useless as asking for precise details.

For now, Dazai is here in front of him and alive enough that the details don't matter.]

I understand your choice of words now, and - I'm also glad we were able to meet.

[Dazai doesn't remember all of the details himself, but that's what Wikipedia is for.]

Sorry. I thought you knew. I suppose it's a strange thing to hear, but... I'm not going anywhere, and definitely not before I can take you out on another date or two.

[The frown is justified, but Dazai still intends to make him smile again.]

[God, it's sure emotional to have someone named Dazai tell him that he's not going anywhere.]

All I ask is that you tell me before you leave. Whether you choose to or you must, I want to hear it from you.

I promise that I will.

[The alchemist puts a great deal of emphasis on keeping them from breaking down in a delve, so it's a promise Dazai can actually make with sincerity. He won't abandon Akutagawa, not like the other Dazai did.]

I'll swear it on my books, if you want.

[Since one of them is more or less his soul now, this is an oath with more weight than it might seem.]

No... [To Akutagawa, books are just the physical evidence of something great that Dazai achieved, and he needs a deeper promise.] ... no, I want you to swear on your legacy.

[A subtle difference, but an important one. At least to someone who doesn't know his soul is tied to this place by a book.]

[His legacy is also crucially important to him, so that works just as well.]

I swear on my legacy, on everything I left behind and everything that's remembered of me, that I will not leave you without saying goodbye.

call me out v. 11.0

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