[It's fine. Honestly, Akutagawa will probably look back on himself and be baffled by his own behavior. Why did he ask that? The answer was obvious. Sex is strange, and he so rarely understands it.]
[He understands Takiji perfectly, though. Takiji wants to be touched everywhere. It makes him smile.]
Okay.
[His hand splays across Takiji's chest, then runs down to his stomach, Rashomon making space for uninterrupted movement. But that's where he stops. Kind of. Kind of, because Rashomon keeps moving. As Akutagawa kisses Takiji gently and rubs slow, soothing circles on his stomach, it's Rashomon that moves just that little bit more to brush against his cock.]
[It's a little warmer than Akutagawa's hand would be. It doesn't feel like a hand at all, really. More than anything, it feels like the rush of Rashomon a few minutes ago, flowing excitedly to lace through Takiji's fingers. It's very recognizable.]
[It's recognizable, familiar, comforting, but Takiji definitely hasn't felt it in this way before. There's a difference between Rashomon holding his hand and Rashomon brushing against his cock.
The moan that leaves Takiji's lips doesn't resemble words so much as pure pleasure and need. He pushes more into Rashomon's touch, as much as he can, not caring at all about what someone else might think about wanting the touch of what Akutagawa most often uses as a weapon. It doesn't matter - it's Akutagawa, as much as his hands are.
It's a shame that he can't keep his eyes open, because Akutagawa's smile is wonderful to look at... but between the kiss and where Akutagawa is touching him (everywhere), there's no way he can manage to open his eyes. If he could, they might be too hazy to actually see anything.]
[That sound out of Takiji's mouth is the most beautiful sound Akutagawa has ever heard. It makes him gasp, then moan back against Takiji's lips, and the sound he makes is the same: all want, all need. He wants, he needs to hear it again.]
[So he doesn't hesitate. It's quick and easy for Rashomon to go from a tiny touch to a solid one, wrapping around Takiji's cock from top to bottom. It never quite stops moving, though. It's part of Akutagawa. It's as excited as he is. So it moves frenetically even when it's still, and when it settles into a careful, pulsing rhythm, that exuberance is still there underneath.]
[As he kisses Takiji fiercely, rubbing his thumbs against the curve of his hipbones, Akutagawa can't help but think that he'd very much like to make Takiji come like this. He's so worked up already . . . But that isn't what Takiji asked for. He has to remember.]
[It's hard to remember anything right now. Even Takiji might forget what he asked for in the face of Rashomon's constant movement around him firm and never stopping even for a second. If he came like this, he'd be happy enough to melt into Akutagawa's arms.
While he can still remember that he asked for something else, though, he rasps in between his groans:]
Aku- please-
[How anyone manages to use complicated sentences in the middle of sex is beyond him. He can only barely get out three syllables, only one of which was a complete word.]
[Akutagawa groans. He can't help it. He doesn't want to stop, Takiji is so beautiful and it almost hurts--but he does stop. Leans down and rests his forehead against Takiji's, looking into his eyes and trying desperately to keep his head. Reluctantly, Rashomon goes mostly still.]
. . . You want me to keep going now?
[His voice comes out rough and strange.]
Can I keep doing this while I do? Or is it . . .
[It might be good, but it might be too much. Maybe Takiji wants too much? But it seems like Takiji knows exactly what he wants and how, if only the words would work right.]
[He won't last, and he's not sure he can go a second time when he's overwhelmed like this. He's not sure he'll last even if Akutagawa stops touching him like this.]
[There's a world of difference between I want and I need. Akutagawa isn't good at words, but he understands the difference. It makes him bury his face in Takiji's shoulder and shudder, reluctant to stop but excited to give Takiji what he wants. What he needs.]
Okay, [he mumbles, forcing Rashomon to be still and stop stroking Takiji.] I'll take care of you.
[That's the main thing, really, and why he's nervous, because what if he can't do that? He'll be frustrated and upset if he hurts Takiji, a possibility he's trying not to focus on. So he stays just for a moment with his face pressed against Takiji's throat, breathing in the smell of him, before he pushes himself up and reaches to the bedside table for the bottle he left there.]
[Having Rashomon pull Takiji's legs apart is easy; getting them situated so they're bent and spread, bound loosely in the same mesh style, is easy, too. Sitting back on his knees between Takiji's spread legs is easy--but that's where it stops, because once Akutagawa gets a proper look at him like that, tied up and exposed and so hard it's got to hurt--]
[There are several moments when breathing is just not an option. He looks at Takiji with dark eyes and a helpless, overcome expression, his fingers curled loose around the bottle and a flush high on his cheeks.]
Takiji . . .
[It's very nearly a whine. He chews his lip for a moment, unsure how to put what he's feeling into words; then he realizes he can't, and the only way to show it is to move. So he unbuttons his pants with a soft hiss of relief, because now he hurts too, and thumbs the bottle open to warm some lube between his fingers. If it was just for him, he wouldn't care, but for Takiji he does. He rests his cheek against Takiji's knee as he does this and just stares at him, awed. He's too beautiful.]
[Take care of him, he means, but then Akutagawa's pulling his Takiji's legs apart, and he's never been so exposed in all his life. There isn't any possible way to hide how hard he is, or the sweat on his skin, or - anything. He can't hide anything.
For someone who's been hiding most of his life, the thought is as freeing as it is terrifying.]
...It's okay if it hurts a little bit. I heard it usually does. You'll be fine.
[Akutagawa is almost certainly worrying about hurting him on accident right now.]
[He can't help but huff out a laugh at that. Only Takiji can make him laugh, honestly, especially the kind that's this self-deprecating. How he's such an open book for this man he genuinely doesn't understand, but it works out.]
You have to tell me if it's too much.
[But of course he'll listen to Takiji, who is still saying what he needs, just in a gentler, more subtle way. It all falls under the category of please hurry up, which is enough of a motivator to overcome most worries.]
[Akutagawa presses a kiss to the inside of Takiji's thigh and presses a finger against his entrance. It's only the slightest of intrusions for a moment, and then just a bit more. His eyes stay trained on Takiji's face, curious and watchful, as he eases inside.]
[To describe that intrusion - well, it's not much, really. Akutagawa's fingers are thin, and he's being careful and slow. It's just strange, not uncomfortable and certainly not painful. And even if it was a little painful, it's still-
Ah, no, but he shouldn't compare it to that time even in his head. That was torture, and this should be as far from torture as both of them can make it.
Takiji's breathing is steady, and he gives Akutagawa a short nod when he realizes that Akutagawa's watching. You can keep going.]
[Akutagawa wasn't personally familiar with the idea of sex and love going hand in hand before he met Takiji. It's hard to imagine anything else now, though. He likes this, the way they can communicate without words through the miasma of worry and uncertainty and need.]
[He smiles in response to Takiji's nod. He's been smiling a lot this evening, even as out of his depth as he is.]
[Carefully, he moves in and out a bit, taking care to note what reactions occur. Not much so far. It's slick and warm and strange, and he doesn't know how he feels about it himself yet, besides curious. After pulling out almost entirely, he takes his time pressing a second finger in alongside the first, his eyes on Takiji's again.]
[A second finger is a little more strange, a little more uncomfortable. It's good that he's held down, because he wouldn't want to squirm - Akutagawa might get the wrong impression, even if it was a purely physical reflex. His breath hitches some, but he's clearly not in pain.
He keeps his eyes on Akutagawa's face in return. Akutagawa's smiles are wonderful. Even if this doesn't work as well as he'd hoped, he saw so many beautiful smiles tonight that he can't be disappointed.]
[Not as easy this time. That's fine, Akutagawa thinks, trying not to let nerves gnaw at him too much. He trusts Takiji above all things; if he says that he's okay, then he is.]
[So he doesn't stop, but he is a bit more methodical in how he moves his fingers. He knows enough to stretch, which he does with careful precision, and he knows that if he does this correctly, there's a good feeling to access. He leaves open-mouthed kisses along Takiji's thigh as he slides in and out, fingers slightly spread and crooked, dark eyes fixed on Takiji's. Maybe--hopefully--next time the quick intake of breath will be because he's done something right.]
[Takiji shivers first at the kisses on his thigh - for all that neither of them are very good with words spoken aloud, Akutagawa's mouth can make him ache so easily. It's more than a good enough distraction from the discomfort, and anyway, this step is necessary.
And then Akutagawa crooks his fingers just so, and a moan tears itself from Takiji's throat before he can even process what caused that flood of pleasure in him.]
Ah... That's...
[It's a good feeling, for certain, one that has him staring down at Akutagawa like he's just done something miraculous.]
[For a moment, Akutagawa can only stare, eyes wide in the wake of that sound. It seemed to come out of nowhere, and at first he isn't entirely sure what he did to make it happen. He has to backtrack, which is so, so hard when he's held fast by Takiji's eyes on his.]
[Licking his lips, he tries to center himself. He did it right, somehow; he just has to do it again. Without breaking eye contact, without even blinking, he repeats the motion, pressing a bit more firmly against the spot that made Takiji lose control of his voice.]
[The motion repeated makes Takiji lose control of his voice again, louder this time, and he jerks against Rashomon involuntarily, to try to - touch Akutagawa and make him feel this good, or hold onto him, or something. Whatever he was going to do, he can't with Rashomon holding him.]
Aku, Aku-
[He can't manage anything more than the first syllables of Akutagawa's name. His skin is flushed down to the tops of his shoulders and the tips of his ears.]
[His voice is hushed and rough, his breathing choppy. He's suddenly unbelievably aware of his body, his limbs and his fingers, how hard he is--of Rashomon holding Takiji down. He understands now. It makes a lot more sense why Takiji wanted this.]
[He kisses open-mouthed against the inside of Takiji's thigh again, his teeth scraping messily against the skin. It doesn't matter. He does understand now. He finds a rhythm quickly, a gentle stretch followed by the press of his fingers against that spot and then start again.]
[If Takiji was ever any good at words, they're lost to him with Akutagawa pressing inside him like this. He shudders against Rashomon's hold - even as hazy as his mind is, he knows that he wouldn't be able to stay still without it, that he couldn't just sit back and have Akutagawa give him this much pleasure.
This makes more sense to himself now, too.
He shuts his eyes tight, unable to keep them open, and the groans that drop from his mouth are a litany of 'please' when they aren't wordless cries that say nothing but how good he feels right now.]
[Takiji doesn't really have to beg at this point, because Akutagawa does not want to stop. He loves this. He loves the way Takiji responds to this, the way he's moving as much as he can despite it not being very much at all. Akutagawa does not have a very active imagination, but it's impossible not to envision what Takiji would look like without the bindings--how much he'd be moving, struggling to get closer to what feels good.]
[For the second time tonight, Akutagawa has to fight the urge to just do this until Takiji comes. He thinks he could. Maybe not always, but this time, with Takiji as worked up as he is.]
[Instead, he rubs small rough circles with his fingertips, hungry for those sounds, and presses a third fingertip against Takiji in unspoken question. Is more okay?]
[Yes, more is okay. Please give him more. Takiji has a vivid picture of Akutagawa just doing this to him until he comes, of himself jerking against his bonds and staining Rashomon with white - and while he knows that he'd enjoy that, it isn't what he wants tonight.
He wants more of Akutagawa, and for that to happen, he has to be stretched out just a little more.]
[They're going to have to do this a lot, that much is obvious. There are too many possibilities, too many different ways to make Takiji feel good. This is just one of them, and it's so hard not to be impatient.]
[He can do this, though. He can see the rough outline of how good it will feel for Takiji a few minutes from now, and that's enough to sustain him as he eases the third finger in. Angling all three against the spot that makes Takiji so loud, he lets the pressure ease for a few moments before spreading his fingers and starting the rhythm up again.]
[Takiji manages it between the moans that Akutagawa pulls out of him, between the hitches of breath every time his fingers spread out more. There's a little discomfort underneath all the pleasure, but it's so easy to ignore. Just the thought of how soon Akutagawa will be inside him would be enough to wash away the discomfort that comes with being stretched.]
Please - I don't know if I can last...
[He wants to come with Akutagawa inside him. He wants that badly enough to ask for it.]
[Oh. Akutagawa groans, half muffled against Takiji's thigh. He doesn't bother asking anything stupid like are you sure, because Takiji's been sure of this from the start. He's never seemed surer of anything, honestly, which is one of the very many incredibly appealing things about this from start to finish. Takiji knows what he wants, and he knows that Akutagawa can give it to him.]
[It's hard not to rush at this point, but he doesn't. He eases his fingers out, biting his lip at the way Takiji looks right now, spread out and spread open, so flushed and so obviously close. Akutagawa is greedy in how much he looks Takiji over, dark eyes raking over every inch of his body as he grabs for the condom blindly and rips it open with his teeth. Once it's on, he slicks himself up, stroking himself rough and arrhythmically--he's close himself, and there's no point tempting fate.]
[It's easy to line himself up, to brace himself against the mattress and Takiji's hip and kiss Takiji wherever he can reach, to glance up at him one last time just to make sure it's okay. Pressing inside, though, steady and slow and easy: that might be the easiest, most natural thing he's ever done.]
[Takiji can't help but stare when Akutagawa's stroking himself, and not only because he knows what will follow after. Seeing how hard, how close he is for Takiji when Takiji has hardly even touched anywhere sensitive - Rashomon probably is not an erogenous zone - is flattering and awe-inspiring all at once.
It's okay, it's very okay when Akutagawa finally presses inside him. There's still a little discomfort at taking something bigger than what's meant to be there, but - Akutagawa is meant to be there, in his own way. They're joined together physically like they are emotionally, and it makes Takiji's heart swell.
He wets his lips, to try to say something, and then realizes he doesn't have words to describe this moment. All he can manage is a request.]
[There's a long moment where Akutagawa really can't conceive of movement, or words, or even coherent thought. Something about the combination of Takiji's expression and the way it feels--which is so much, hot and tight and close, he's never been this close to Takiji before--leaves him a helpless mess, biting down hard on his lip to keep grounded.]
[The request helps, though. Lost in what's new and strange, something as familiar and comforting as a kiss is easy. It feels right.]
[Akutagawa nods sharply, presses forward with one hand braced under Takiji's thigh, and kisses him. It's rough and messy and awfully needy. He can't make words, but he can say please, please, please just like this. The way he grinds his hips against Takiji a moment later, a small, searching movement, is a plea as well, but for something else--he wants to make Takiji feel good like that again.]
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[He understands Takiji perfectly, though. Takiji wants to be touched everywhere. It makes him smile.]
Okay.
[His hand splays across Takiji's chest, then runs down to his stomach, Rashomon making space for uninterrupted movement. But that's where he stops. Kind of. Kind of, because Rashomon keeps moving. As Akutagawa kisses Takiji gently and rubs slow, soothing circles on his stomach, it's Rashomon that moves just that little bit more to brush against his cock.]
[It's a little warmer than Akutagawa's hand would be. It doesn't feel like a hand at all, really. More than anything, it feels like the rush of Rashomon a few minutes ago, flowing excitedly to lace through Takiji's fingers. It's very recognizable.]
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The moan that leaves Takiji's lips doesn't resemble words so much as pure pleasure and need. He pushes more into Rashomon's touch, as much as he can, not caring at all about what someone else might think about wanting the touch of what Akutagawa most often uses as a weapon. It doesn't matter - it's Akutagawa, as much as his hands are.
It's a shame that he can't keep his eyes open, because Akutagawa's smile is wonderful to look at... but between the kiss and where Akutagawa is touching him (everywhere), there's no way he can manage to open his eyes. If he could, they might be too hazy to actually see anything.]
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[So he doesn't hesitate. It's quick and easy for Rashomon to go from a tiny touch to a solid one, wrapping around Takiji's cock from top to bottom. It never quite stops moving, though. It's part of Akutagawa. It's as excited as he is. So it moves frenetically even when it's still, and when it settles into a careful, pulsing rhythm, that exuberance is still there underneath.]
[As he kisses Takiji fiercely, rubbing his thumbs against the curve of his hipbones, Akutagawa can't help but think that he'd very much like to make Takiji come like this. He's so worked up already . . . But that isn't what Takiji asked for. He has to remember.]
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While he can still remember that he asked for something else, though, he rasps in between his groans:]
Aku- please-
[How anyone manages to use complicated sentences in the middle of sex is beyond him. He can only barely get out three syllables, only one of which was a complete word.]
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. . . You want me to keep going now?
[His voice comes out rough and strange.]
Can I keep doing this while I do? Or is it . . .
[It might be good, but it might be too much. Maybe Takiji wants too much? But it seems like Takiji knows exactly what he wants and how, if only the words would work right.]
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[He won't last, and he's not sure he can go a second time when he's overwhelmed like this. He's not sure he'll last even if Akutagawa stops touching him like this.]
I need you to keep going. Please.
[He needs it more than he needs air.]
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Okay, [he mumbles, forcing Rashomon to be still and stop stroking Takiji.] I'll take care of you.
[That's the main thing, really, and why he's nervous, because what if he can't do that? He'll be frustrated and upset if he hurts Takiji, a possibility he's trying not to focus on. So he stays just for a moment with his face pressed against Takiji's throat, breathing in the smell of him, before he pushes himself up and reaches to the bedside table for the bottle he left there.]
[Having Rashomon pull Takiji's legs apart is easy; getting them situated so they're bent and spread, bound loosely in the same mesh style, is easy, too. Sitting back on his knees between Takiji's spread legs is easy--but that's where it stops, because once Akutagawa gets a proper look at him like that, tied up and exposed and so hard it's got to hurt--]
[There are several moments when breathing is just not an option. He looks at Takiji with dark eyes and a helpless, overcome expression, his fingers curled loose around the bottle and a flush high on his cheeks.]
Takiji . . .
[It's very nearly a whine. He chews his lip for a moment, unsure how to put what he's feeling into words; then he realizes he can't, and the only way to show it is to move. So he unbuttons his pants with a soft hiss of relief, because now he hurts too, and thumbs the bottle open to warm some lube between his fingers. If it was just for him, he wouldn't care, but for Takiji he does. He rests his cheek against Takiji's knee as he does this and just stares at him, awed. He's too beautiful.]
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[Take care of him, he means, but then Akutagawa's pulling his Takiji's legs apart, and he's never been so exposed in all his life. There isn't any possible way to hide how hard he is, or the sweat on his skin, or - anything. He can't hide anything.
For someone who's been hiding most of his life, the thought is as freeing as it is terrifying.]
...It's okay if it hurts a little bit. I heard it usually does. You'll be fine.
[Akutagawa is almost certainly worrying about hurting him on accident right now.]
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You have to tell me if it's too much.
[But of course he'll listen to Takiji, who is still saying what he needs, just in a gentler, more subtle way. It all falls under the category of please hurry up, which is enough of a motivator to overcome most worries.]
[Akutagawa presses a kiss to the inside of Takiji's thigh and presses a finger against his entrance. It's only the slightest of intrusions for a moment, and then just a bit more. His eyes stay trained on Takiji's face, curious and watchful, as he eases inside.]
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Ah, no, but he shouldn't compare it to that time even in his head. That was torture, and this should be as far from torture as both of them can make it.
Takiji's breathing is steady, and he gives Akutagawa a short nod when he realizes that Akutagawa's watching. You can keep going.]
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[He smiles in response to Takiji's nod. He's been smiling a lot this evening, even as out of his depth as he is.]
[Carefully, he moves in and out a bit, taking care to note what reactions occur. Not much so far. It's slick and warm and strange, and he doesn't know how he feels about it himself yet, besides curious. After pulling out almost entirely, he takes his time pressing a second finger in alongside the first, his eyes on Takiji's again.]
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He keeps his eyes on Akutagawa's face in return. Akutagawa's smiles are wonderful. Even if this doesn't work as well as he'd hoped, he saw so many beautiful smiles tonight that he can't be disappointed.]
I'm okay.
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[So he doesn't stop, but he is a bit more methodical in how he moves his fingers. He knows enough to stretch, which he does with careful precision, and he knows that if he does this correctly, there's a good feeling to access. He leaves open-mouthed kisses along Takiji's thigh as he slides in and out, fingers slightly spread and crooked, dark eyes fixed on Takiji's. Maybe--hopefully--next time the quick intake of breath will be because he's done something right.]
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And then Akutagawa crooks his fingers just so, and a moan tears itself from Takiji's throat before he can even process what caused that flood of pleasure in him.]
Ah... That's...
[It's a good feeling, for certain, one that has him staring down at Akutagawa like he's just done something miraculous.]
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[For a moment, Akutagawa can only stare, eyes wide in the wake of that sound. It seemed to come out of nowhere, and at first he isn't entirely sure what he did to make it happen. He has to backtrack, which is so, so hard when he's held fast by Takiji's eyes on his.]
[Licking his lips, he tries to center himself. He did it right, somehow; he just has to do it again. Without breaking eye contact, without even blinking, he repeats the motion, pressing a bit more firmly against the spot that made Takiji lose control of his voice.]
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Aku, Aku-
[He can't manage anything more than the first syllables of Akutagawa's name. His skin is flushed down to the tops of his shoulders and the tips of his ears.]
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[His voice is hushed and rough, his breathing choppy. He's suddenly unbelievably aware of his body, his limbs and his fingers, how hard he is--of Rashomon holding Takiji down. He understands now. It makes a lot more sense why Takiji wanted this.]
[He kisses open-mouthed against the inside of Takiji's thigh again, his teeth scraping messily against the skin. It doesn't matter. He does understand now. He finds a rhythm quickly, a gentle stretch followed by the press of his fingers against that spot and then start again.]
Like that?
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[If Takiji was ever any good at words, they're lost to him with Akutagawa pressing inside him like this. He shudders against Rashomon's hold - even as hazy as his mind is, he knows that he wouldn't be able to stay still without it, that he couldn't just sit back and have Akutagawa give him this much pleasure.
This makes more sense to himself now, too.
He shuts his eyes tight, unable to keep them open, and the groans that drop from his mouth are a litany of 'please' when they aren't wordless cries that say nothing but how good he feels right now.]
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[For the second time tonight, Akutagawa has to fight the urge to just do this until Takiji comes. He thinks he could. Maybe not always, but this time, with Takiji as worked up as he is.]
[Instead, he rubs small rough circles with his fingertips, hungry for those sounds, and presses a third fingertip against Takiji in unspoken question. Is more okay?]
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[Yes, more is okay. Please give him more. Takiji has a vivid picture of Akutagawa just doing this to him until he comes, of himself jerking against his bonds and staining Rashomon with white - and while he knows that he'd enjoy that, it isn't what he wants tonight.
He wants more of Akutagawa, and for that to happen, he has to be stretched out just a little more.]
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[He can do this, though. He can see the rough outline of how good it will feel for Takiji a few minutes from now, and that's enough to sustain him as he eases the third finger in. Angling all three against the spot that makes Takiji so loud, he lets the pressure ease for a few moments before spreading his fingers and starting the rhythm up again.]
[He kisses Takiji's thigh again, all teeth.]
I love you.
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[Takiji manages it between the moans that Akutagawa pulls out of him, between the hitches of breath every time his fingers spread out more. There's a little discomfort underneath all the pleasure, but it's so easy to ignore. Just the thought of how soon Akutagawa will be inside him would be enough to wash away the discomfort that comes with being stretched.]
Please - I don't know if I can last...
[He wants to come with Akutagawa inside him. He wants that badly enough to ask for it.]
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[It's hard not to rush at this point, but he doesn't. He eases his fingers out, biting his lip at the way Takiji looks right now, spread out and spread open, so flushed and so obviously close. Akutagawa is greedy in how much he looks Takiji over, dark eyes raking over every inch of his body as he grabs for the condom blindly and rips it open with his teeth. Once it's on, he slicks himself up, stroking himself rough and arrhythmically--he's close himself, and there's no point tempting fate.]
[It's easy to line himself up, to brace himself against the mattress and Takiji's hip and kiss Takiji wherever he can reach, to glance up at him one last time just to make sure it's okay. Pressing inside, though, steady and slow and easy: that might be the easiest, most natural thing he's ever done.]
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It's okay, it's very okay when Akutagawa finally presses inside him. There's still a little discomfort at taking something bigger than what's meant to be there, but - Akutagawa is meant to be there, in his own way. They're joined together physically like they are emotionally, and it makes Takiji's heart swell.
He wets his lips, to try to say something, and then realizes he doesn't have words to describe this moment. All he can manage is a request.]
Kiss me again?
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[The request helps, though. Lost in what's new and strange, something as familiar and comforting as a kiss is easy. It feels right.]
[Akutagawa nods sharply, presses forward with one hand braced under Takiji's thigh, and kisses him. It's rough and messy and awfully needy. He can't make words, but he can say please, please, please just like this. The way he grinds his hips against Takiji a moment later, a small, searching movement, is a plea as well, but for something else--he wants to make Takiji feel good like that again.]
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