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ninjou.
[For some time now, Dazai had been... the center of unusual occurrences.
Calling them 'supernatural' wasn't precisely it, since Dazai dealt with supernatural abilities on a regular basis. These were on a much smaller scale, barely fit to be called 'disturbances'.
Pens falling off his desk with no apparent cause. Books being closed one moment and open the next time anyone glanced their way, only when in Dazai's presence. In the most dramatic incident, a roll of bandages had caught fire.
No one could adequately explain what was going on, not even Ranpo, although he did shoot down most theories besides Atsushi's somewhat joking "maybe you're being haunted, Dazai-san?"
There's a whiteboard in the agency's planning room, which Dazai is currently occupying by himself. The markers are capped and definitely immobile.]
DAZAI
[But that wasn't written on the board the last time Dazai glanced that way, about two seconds ago.]
Calling them 'supernatural' wasn't precisely it, since Dazai dealt with supernatural abilities on a regular basis. These were on a much smaller scale, barely fit to be called 'disturbances'.
Pens falling off his desk with no apparent cause. Books being closed one moment and open the next time anyone glanced their way, only when in Dazai's presence. In the most dramatic incident, a roll of bandages had caught fire.
No one could adequately explain what was going on, not even Ranpo, although he did shoot down most theories besides Atsushi's somewhat joking "maybe you're being haunted, Dazai-san?"
There's a whiteboard in the agency's planning room, which Dazai is currently occupying by himself. The markers are capped and definitely immobile.]
DAZAI
[But that wasn't written on the board the last time Dazai glanced that way, about two seconds ago.]
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But he can't wallow. It is what it is.]
Don't thank me.
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[Dazai can probably imagine Odasaku's expression. 'Mildly confused' is one he wore a lot.]
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[He covers his eyes so he won't see any responses given.]
I did what you said. I listened to someone who actually cared. It's strange, you know, to have people who care about me now. [A scoff.] They think they do. It's a weird little thing... like a family, or co-workers. No, somewhere in between. You would like them. Except the doctor, she's super, super S. You might be a little scared. Everyone else... Well, that would bore you. They're good people. They're probably too good for me, but they gave me a job and I've helped them. They know who I am, but they don't know what I've done, not all of it, so I laugh a little when I think about how they're just being lied to. At least you knew, right? You were right there. People were really scared of me back then, and now they just think I'm eccentric. Isn't that funny?
What do you think?
[He looks up finally.]
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I THINK WE'RE SIMILAR THAT WAY
YOU'VE DONE TERRIBLE THINGS [and no one will deny it, least of all Odasaku]
SO YOU'VE LOST THE QUALIFICATIONS TO BE A DECENT PERSON
AND EVERYONE WHO THINKS YOU ARE IS BEING LIED TO
THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK AND WHAT I THOUGHT
EVEN THOUGH IT HAD BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I KILLED ANYONE, IN MY MIND I WAS STILL AN ASSASSIN
AND YOU'RE STILL A MAFIA EXECUTIVE?
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That's the really funny thing about it. I don't feel that different, but I feel like I've changed at the same time. I'm never going to be able to make up for what I've done, but I don't want to. Look forward, not back.
I want you to be proud, not to thank me.
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OF COURSE I'M PROUD
I THOUGHT IT WENT WITHOUT SAYING
[Because he's smiling, genuinely. Dazai has done so much good, even with everything that's been troubling him and working against him. He's changed so much.
How could Odasaku possibly not be proud?]
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Ah, you probably think I'm as childish as ever! But listen... I'll keep going. I might die tomorrow, so I'll keep doing my best.
[For you.]
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[There's another pause, and then Dazai might feel the lightest pressure briefly, like a hand laid on his shoulder.
There's nothing and no one if he looks, though.]
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Why now, Odasaku?
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I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE WORRIED ABOUT BEING HAUNTED WHEN PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO KILL YOU
WHICH IS MOST OF THE TIME
[It's as reasonable an answer as any.]
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[He's smiling, so so faintly.]
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[Maybe they don't know his sordid history as well as Odasaku does, but they still care about him. Even Kunikida.]
YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT WITHOUT ME
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[Smile, Dazai. Just... smile. No matter how much it hurts.]
I've been fine. But...
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[Waiting patiently.]
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[He feels like he's said it a thousand times.]
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WE'LL SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN
I PROMISE I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU
[Waiting. He doesn't want the day of their real reunion to be tomorrow, but sometime in the future.
He could have moved on by now. He knows that. But he doesn't want Dazai to be as alone in death as he was for most of his life.]
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Someday, maybe. Someday. But Oda is a better man. They'll have him in a better part of hell, or something.]
Don't.
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SORRY, BUT YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHEN TO MOVE ON
[It's his decision, and it's important enough to go against Dazai's wishes.]
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Don't you want to be with them again?
[The kids.]
Go. I'll be fine.
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YES
BUT I KNOW THEY'RE ALRIGHT
THEY HAVE EACH OTHER AND THEY'RE SOMEWHERE BETTER NOW
[Neither of them are granted that assurance for when they pass on.]
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Following him around. Haunting him. Watching over him.
He hides his face again.]
I can't believe I'm being beat at this sort of thing. You're being a nuisance and messing with my desk, and you expect me not to tell you to go away~
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SORRY ABOUT YOUR DESK
AND YOUR BANDAGES
[He will actually do it - okay, well, no, he won't pass on, but he'll stop talking to Dazai and setting his bandages on fire (although that was one time).]
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I thought the bandages were my fault.
[He doesn't want him to leave. He wants him to not be dead. He wants another chance to raise a toast and feel warm skin in a handshake and see that sorrowful smile that Odasaku keeps for Dazai alone. He thinks, anyway. Damn the man for always making him feel special, even if there were so many vast gaps between them.]
You're right. I don't want you to go. Are you happy that I said it?
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[At least he's honest.]
I THINK IT WAS A LITTLE SELFISH TO TALK TO YOU AT ALL
WOULD YOU HAVE BEEN HAPPIER IF I DIDN'T LET YOU KNOW
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[It hurts, but Dazai is used to pain.]
I'm just sorry I can't hear you. Can you haunt a dream or something? That would be a lot easier.
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