crowspace | [Open post, setting intentionally left vague.]

[Honestly, Cherryblod doesn't think much of the change.

All shrimp start out as males physically and turn physically female sometime in their adulthood. Some think of themselves as men all their lives, some decide that their mind matches their body now. His parents had both called themselves his mothers, and his grandfather had staunchly refused to call himself anything other than a man. It depended on the shrimp, but everyone went through the physical changes.

When it happened to him, Cherryblod didn't see the need to tell anyone except for Doloz. They couldn't have any more children, but Doloz understood, and no matter what his physical sex they loved each other dearly. He didn't feel mentally different, and his suits still fit alright with some minor adjustments, so he just lived as he always did, for many years.

Right now, Cherryblod is changing out of his suit and into something more comfortable. He's just about to put on some pants when someone opens the door to his room.

He turns a bright red and covers his chest with his arms, but it's almost certainly too late to hide anything.]

Could you knock?

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...Just because you're not from the same world as some of us, doesn't make you not as real.

... Huhuhu. It's okay! I'm a big girl. You don't have to worry about it, you know.

[ Really! She's fine. ]

I'm just glad you and Lobco are okay. I was worried you might get hurt... things seem to have calmed down a bit, at least, between all of us trying to protect this place.

It's my job to worry about my daughter's friends. Even if they're as grown-up as you.

[She's had too much in her life to make her grow up this early.]

... She asked me about everyone. I can't tell her.

[ She just can't do it. She doesn't have the heart... ]

... I've done terrible things.

...You're not the only one who's done terrible things. Or who can't tell her the whole truth.

[The voices still plague him whenever his defenses are down. Maybe, being honest with someone will help. Even if it's not Lobco.]

... It doesn't feel right to withhold that from her, but I don't think it's quite fair to ruin this idea she has of me.

[ He probably understands that very well, honestly. ]

... When she hadn't heard anything, I wondered if I was just going insane. But maybe it's only those of us who have done something to earn it. I'm not sure.

[He nods. It seems likely to him that the voices only bother those who deserve them.]

If she ever hated me for what I've done, I don't know how I would go on. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I can't tell her...

... No, you... don't want her hurt... right?

[ She gets it. She really does. ]

Knowing that might only make her worry.

I don't want her to worry. She's so precious to me...

[He's trying to smile again but it's forced.]

[ ... She'll level a smile his way. It's genuine, too. ]

You're a really good person now, Cherryblod. It's almost never too late for someone to change. You've done a lot of good! And it... might be hard for her to hear it, but if I was your daughter, I'd only be prouder for it.

I hope you're right... I'm going to have to tell her sometime. Probably soon.

[And maybe the voices will stop.]

... Cherryblod, it's...

[ She thinks this all over for a moment. She wants to voice something that's been bothering her: ]

... This place seems to have a lot of connections to the dead. It might just be that only those of us who have seen others die or been the cause of death can hear those voices... so I don't know if telling her would make this stop.

... But the problem with this theory is Lobco hasn't heard anything. And I know she killed some Tosatsu soldiers. ... I've... been hearing a lot.

[ So why...? After a moment, she just shakes her head. ]

... Well... if you need someone to talk to, I won't... judge you... okay? I don't think I'd have the right anymore, anyway...

[ It's probably obvious just from looking at her eyes--she's done some pretty awful things... ]

...That's true. [He's glad Lobco hasn't heard anything. Her decisions, while they were difficult, were necessary... He never had to be Cherryblood. He just wanted to.]

Thank you, Wadanohara. I may have to take you up on that.

[At home, Doloz was the one he vented to when his past haunted him.]

[ ... It's only fair she repay the favor, honestly. ]

No... thank you for treating me like a person.

[ Because Uomi certainly hadn't. ]

... A lot of people don't think I am, anymore...

Truly, I don't think any sea could take that away from you.

[As stained as she is, she's never stopped being a person, and there's still parts of his daughter's friend plainly visible.]

[ ... She's so glad he's here. She's not sure why, but he... gets it. It's nice. Unexpected, admittedly, but... nice. ]

... The same's true for you. I think... all of us have some personal things we have to try to hold back on...

[ For her it's that urge to corrupt everything around her at all times, to be a destructive whirlwind of despair and anguish. It's hard, but she manages, because she loves her friends a lot. ]

Mm. I think you're right.

Make sure you take care of yourself, dear. Even when it's difficult, I believe you can.

[He doesn't know how bad it is, but it's got to be painful. More painful than he could understand.]

[ ... Her smile becomes entirely plastic at this point. ]

... Ah... of course...

[ She doesn't need to... the red sea will always, always, always allow her to regrow whatever is lost. Pain no longer matters. Not physical, anyway. And with Sal here, there is most certainly no guarantees she won't be once more torn apart daily. ]

I always try.

[ Even now, every day, she keeps a spell over her body to make sure none of those wounds will ever be seen. It's the only way she can wear skirts anymore, really. ]

You know I didn't mean that physically, right?

[Wounds are less important than the soul.]

[ She won't even attempt to touch that subject. She'll never heal emotionally, not really. ]

... I'll be fine.

[ No, no she won't, she'll never be fine again, she's such a liar. ]

It doesn't really matter.

It does matter... But, I don't want to argue with you.

[He kisses the top of her head briefly.]

I have to check up on Lobco now, before I go to sleep.

[Open post, setting intentionally left vague.]

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